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Old 09-07-2007, 11:10 PM   #21
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Oh Texas that's horrible. Give my sympathies to your son. Just be there for him in his time of need. That's all you can really do.
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Old 09-07-2007, 11:29 PM   #22
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Dear Texas Girl, First off, no one knows how you feel - only you and no one knows how your son feels - only him. We so often say "I know exactly how you feel". No we don't, we just say that because we don't know what to say.

I am a Hospice volunteer and spend maybe ten hours a week sitting with those who know they are dieing. And you know what, after maybe months of sitting with someone I don't know what to say to the family when I go to the services.

I mention this because it's time for the pros - it really is. This is one of the most difficult situations your son will ever face and the good news - there is help! Please call a good Hospice program, or several, in the area and ask about bereavement programs. We here in Marion, Ohio have an open door policy on that - you aren't required to have been in the program to be able to participate. My heart and prayers are with you. Please do make that call if you haven't.

With deep regards, David Cottrell
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Old 09-07-2007, 11:34 PM   #23
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Dave, what a wonderful resource. I didn't know your kinds of services were available. I hope those folks who are suffering a loss will seek out what you are offering. The "open door" policy is especially important for those who have little or no resources during a time of grief.

Bless you.
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Old 09-08-2007, 12:13 AM   #24
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What Fisher's Mom said, I echo. Death is a stage of life. We all have to go through it. What lies on the other side of death is a mystery to most of us. I believe sincerely that there is life on the other side of mortality, but as the song says "I'll never know by livin', only by dyin' will tell, only by dyin' will tell". Council your son to remember the good things that his mento taught to him, and to honor his memory. By so doing, that life will count for someithing, through your son. I have witnessed the death of people I love, and have adopted parts of their personality into myself, to honor them and keep their memory alive. I knwo I will see them again, in the afterlife, but until then, I can help validate the lives they led, the example they gave to me. Your son can do the same thing for his freind and mentor.

Seeeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North
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Old 09-08-2007, 11:02 AM   #25
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I really do love this forum and the people here!! You are all so helpful and caring to all. Thanks for being here!!!
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Old 09-08-2007, 11:44 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texasgirl View Post
He said that what is killing him is that he is the last person on earth to hear his voice or see him alive.
why is that Bothering him, you should explain to him that it is a Great Honor!
and that he should remember his mentor Well! and all the lessons he was taught, he has indeed been Privileged.

I would hazard to say that what is Really hurting is coming face to face with our own Mortality in such an abrupt way and at a young age, That will likely be the crux of the problem.

I wish you both Peace
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Old 09-08-2007, 11:49 AM   #27
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TG, I'm not really good with this type of thing, but here goes. I have been through similar experiences, including being at my father's death bed with him asking--he was using a pad and pen because he was on a vent--asking me to do something that I was never able to fully understand. Sometimes I think it was one thing, sometimes another. I have tried to do whatever it might have been, but I'm never sure. My consolation is that I have tried to be the son that he raised me to be and hope that I would, based on what he taught me, have automatically done what he asked. The fact is, we are mortal creatures, and the end comes when it will. All we can do is make the time we have count as much as we can, love whom we love while they live, mourn our losses, and move on knowing that others will have to do the same when we pass. I feel for your son; he has a lot of processing to do. For the short term, a few beers and some friends to talk to is a a good thing. In the end we all have to work out our own terms with death, but it is always a help to have someone to listen and someone who cares.
You say your not good with this type of thing? You think said it very well.
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Old 09-08-2007, 11:51 AM   #28
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why is that Bothering him, you should explain to him that it is a Great Honor!
and that he should remember his mentor Well! and all the lessons he was taught, he has indeed been Privileged.

I would hazard to say that what is Really hurting is coming face to face with our own Mortality in such an abrupt way and at a young age, That will likely be the crux of the problem.

I wish you both Peace
I know. DS is having trouble because the friend was walking away to go to his fiance and didn't make it. He wished that he could tell her something, but, there is nothing. It happened so quickly.
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Old 09-08-2007, 12:44 PM   #29
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I am so very impressed by the general tone of the posts to texasgirl, all full of love and concern. Respectfully, I personally don't know what to say to her except to express my deep concern for her son in his hour of need. I gently repeat that bereavement and dealing with death is indeed a concerning matter and there may well be some gentle understanding help from a local Hospice organization. Here in Marion Ohio the Hospice group I am associated with charges nothing - like in zero - . It has a bereavement program facilitated by trained and compassionate people. It is open door to those in need after a death, whether or not the family had been using Hospice services. It might be a good resource should the need arise.

Texasgirl, I do indeed wish your son all the best in dealing with this tragedy which touched him so closely. That is all any of us know. David
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Old 09-08-2007, 02:08 PM   #30
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My oldest son, most of you already know of some of the heck he has been through, just called me hysterical. Now, you have to understand, this kid NEVER gets like this. He's 22 and laid back, but, a temper when pushed too much.
He was talking to a friend in his 40's at work and the friend got dizzy and sat down, ds asked if he was okay and the friend told him yes. Next thing ds knew, the guy was on the floor. He died!!! He had a brain aneurysm. How do you console {sp} him for something like this? I'm hurting just from the pain he has. He is crying so hard. He said that what is killing him is that he is the last person on earth to hear his voice or see him alive. This guy trained my son and has been kind of a mentor with him at work. He's hurting and I can't do anything about it!!!
I am so lost. I know there is someone here that has gone through something similar. What do I do other than giving him a shoulder???
TG, I am sorry for the loss of your son's friend. It must have been a shock to be present when someone passes on. I was probably the last person to see my brother before he passed away. I flew into NY, he was in a hospice hooked up to morphine, & could barely speak. Next day, when I arrived to see him again - he was gone. So, I do understand. As much as you want to help/take away your son's pain, 'we' can't. Only thing imo you can do is what you have already done - just be there for him and listen, & allow him to grieve in whatever way he needs to grieve. If it's any consolation?, and there really is none - is imo, his friend went quickly, w/o suffering and was not alone. That is the best? one can hope for, again imo. There are feelings/thoughts/stages that come along like - disbelief/shock/denial, anger, guilt (what could I/we have done), questions (Why?), sorrow, and so on. We don't have all the answers because we are human & cant help but want to ease the pain of our loved ones. Your post brought back many painful memories of loved ones that have passed - some quickly and others in much pain over long periods of time. Know that your son has a great mom that cares and thinks about him & will be a shoulder when he needs one. Big hugs to you and your son & his friend's family.

Re advice - tough question. Perhaps your son could send a condolence card to his friend's family - expressing how much his friend's friendship meant to him. Some people plant a tree in the loved one's name so life will carry on and flourish/continue on. Some people choose to have their friend's/loved ones have a big celebration & celebrate their life rather than mourn their demise. The decision is his as how he chooses to express/remember his friend & grieving process. Again, I am sorry.
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