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Old 12-06-2007, 04:15 PM   #11
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Ahh I know the feeling..Over the years, I've had times when I want to ask my d-i-l what is the problem..But, I can see my son loves her dearly, and I won't break a promise I made to myslef when they married...That was, stay out of it!!! I seldom call them, I only see the girls on their birthdays and Christmas..DH and I have given money for saddles,horses, fancy tack..And the girls write everytime and say thanks..But the girls really don't know us..We have never had the pleasure of watching them or taking them places..We are allowed to attend their plays and rodeo events...But, again, my son is so happy with his family that no way would I complain or say a word...I feel my daughter in laws job is to make a happy home and love my son and their children, nothing is written that she care for me..I love her for her dedication to her family and my son. Tha's enough for me..I've been blessed with 3 other children who have surrounded me with little one to love and care for..
So, I'd say to you..Drop it, look see if the kids have worn or used what you sent when you go there..Sit back and wait eventually the kids will spill the beans when you least expect it..Remember she has the power to withhold those babies, and you don't want that for them or your son or for YOU!

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Old 12-06-2007, 04:24 PM   #12
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In the kitchen all is not lost, when my kids were little I made them call Relatives and say Thank You for cards etc. Now they are 15 & 18 The last time They got something in the mail I mentioned that the needed to call whoever and they had already made the call, hooray for them!!!!

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Old 12-06-2007, 04:41 PM   #13
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Well, as you can see, there are several very different things for me to consider here. I was hoping that it'd be a simple fix and that most of you would have said the same thing. But not so.

I am in the dolldrums here as to what to do but I do know, that I'll continue reading these opinions, of all of you brilliant people and I honestly mean that, and then I'll put it to a higher source.

Please if you wouldn't mind or for those of you who may have something to add, continue what your thoughts are on this. It's been a very hard 5 years and we are only now barely getting back up to snuff. Our son is amazing and it's been hard on him too. You can't pick your inlaws, just your spouse and whatever comes along with him or her, is what you get. Never in a million years thought I'd be the MIL from H&!! though.
...Trials travel best when you're taking the transportation known as prayer...SLRC
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:45 PM   #14
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I hate to give advicd on relationships. Particularly when I don't know the personalities involved.

Me, I would probably forget about the package, just hoping it got there. I know when we send packages UPS, which we do fairly often, there is a tracking number and you can find out if it has been delivered on the web. I believe the USPS has something like that but don't know how to go about it. In the future you might want to look into that. At least you will know the item arrived.

Clearly you want no rift with your son or estrangement form your grandkids. I think I would try to put myself in a frame of mind where I would always be the pleasant MIL, no matter how unfair I felt about the situation.

You cannot win here. You have to decide what is most important to you. To me it would be the continuing contact with my grandkids and son. And I hope I would act to secure those relationships.

And if it meant pasting a smile on my puss and acting like butter would not melt in my mouth when I was seething inside I hope I would have the strength to do it.

Auntdot is not known for that - some folks are a lot better than I.

Sorry. None of this may be applicable to your situation. Just a few thoughts.

But I do wish you all the best.
Before criticizing a person, walk a mile in his shoes - then you are a mile away and you have his shoes!
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:52 PM   #15
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As it seems you have a strained relationship with your DIL .. i would not say
anything .. while it is rude that you have not gotten a note or call saying thank you ..
keep in mind .. she is 7 or 8 months pregnant and has 2 children that it sounds
like she is taking care of herself .. thank you notes and phone calls may not
be a high priorety to her at this time .. but who knows
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:04 PM   #16
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It is never wrong to reach out with love and caring, or kindness and a gentle spirit even if it is rebuked. "A soft answer......." Always take the High road. Let others find the road they must travel.

I still vote for phone call over e-mail given those two choices. Whether to bring up the "gifts' and say anything, only you know what you are comfortable with.
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:07 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by mikki View Post
Just like UB said a phone call,not email. My MIL goes through my DH for everything, Makes me feel like I'm a little kid or not worth talking to. I would say something like, I know things are hectic with (son) gone so I figured I would call so we could get our schedules matched up. If you don't want to look like you asking for a Thank You you could ask if she needed anything else for the new little boy. If she still doesn't let on that she got the package in the mail. Just ask her if she received it and say no more about it.
Fishers mom-- I don't think its total crap that the son sides with his wife, he should support his wife. My DH always sides with his Mom and I have to prove myself to him. Makes life pretty rough for everyone in house.
I'm really sorry, mikki. I didn't make that clear and I never thought about how it might sound to someone on the other side of this situation. I do agree with you - a man should support his wife and family always. What I meant was that it was total crap if he should have to take sides. A very bad situation for everyone involved. Again, my apologies for that sounding the way it did.
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:20 PM   #18
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Lots of good advice here. I feel Love2Q is closest to my suggestions though. If she is due in March with (presumably) two little ones in the lead up to Christmas, she might just be finding everything rather hard at the moment and could just be very tired. All extra niceties may just be that little bit too much effort at the moment. She may also find that this pregnancy is vastly different from her other two, boys vs girls thing.

Give her a phone call and just ask after her health and how she is coping. Ask her if there is anything you can do for her, especially for when you go over in January. If the present comes up - great! If it doesn't, you can drop her or your son a very brief little email after the call, saying something like "Ooh, forgot to ask if you got the package I sent you. Love x"

Even if you haven't had a phone relationship with her in the past, it is never too late to start. Just remember to keep the calls brief and jovial when you first start them. That way they aren't forced and they aren't an imposition on either of you. Just remember to keep to neutral subjects and bite your tongue if you feel like saying something judgemental. Get in, be happy, get out again. Good luck.
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:28 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by auntdot View Post
Me, I would probably forget about the package, just hoping it got there. At least you will know the item arrived.
It arrived. I got an email showing me the little girls and their halloween bags that I'd made for them, in their costumes. The other stuff was in that same box which I'd sent through the Post Office. Maybe from now on though, I should use ups or fed ex so I can track them, good idea.
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Old 12-06-2007, 06:35 PM   #20
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All I can say is that I agree with all above, My son and dil have been separated for almost a year and half. I just try to keep peace with her because of my only two beautiful grandsons. She was raised so differently than my son . So I don't expect anything from her. I just try to remember she is my little ones Mom ! Thank goodness for age and wisdom !

Grandma's Boys - Isaiah (11) Cameron (3 )
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