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Old 06-27-2008, 12:00 PM   #581
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I haven't posted here at all, because I feel like a lurker and that I am intruding on a family in their time of grief. I have read all the posts and cried along side of you all. Katie, you have my deepest sympathies. I just finished a book that might comfort you, it's called 90 minutes in heaven, by don piper. I wish you the best.

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Old 06-27-2008, 02:00 PM   #582
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krichardson, at 80 posts you are NOT a lurker....post what you feel.......it's always appreciated whether people respond back or not.........Buck had a huge presence around here and even I who has been here for about 3 years didn't know the extent of it......he was a wonderful, wonderful and funny man.........I miss him kicking a.... on guess what this is a photo of 'cause I know that mastodon sculpture would have been history had he been here............

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Old 06-27-2008, 02:32 PM   #583
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Originally Posted by Katie E View Post
Thanks, bucky. I needed to see your post. I was doing pretty well until darkness closed in on me on the porch. I so enjoyed listening to the night sounds with Buck when we sat out on the porch in the evening. Now it seems so solitary. Even the outside kittens seem different.

This is my first "real" night by myself and I'm not handling it very well. I want my Buck back.

oh katie, i know how it feels. everything is as in fog. i have been saving the following for when you were really alone. this perfectly summed up my relationship with my husband before he died what i do know of you and buck makes me feel it describes you two as well.

"He would walk
Into my mind as if it were a town and he a torchlight procession of one, lighting up the streets. "

you will miss him and long for him for the rest of your life. the pain will become almost bearable after a time. it has been twelve years for me and i still think of him, everyday. i just try to remember good things. hope you can do that as well.

with love and understanding,
"life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain"
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Old 06-27-2008, 02:38 PM   #584
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I have not been on since this happened--my computer has been busted for a month. I was shocked to see this post! It broke my heart. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Everyone has said such nice things that I don't have much to add, but I wanted to wish you well. I know you'll see Buck again. I know it. May your heart be at peace until that day comes!

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Old 06-27-2008, 03:48 PM   #585
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Aww, Katie. My heart just aches for you!! I just don't know what to say other than you are on my mind quite often these days and I really do wish I lived closer to you!!{{{{{hugs}}}}}
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Old 06-27-2008, 07:05 PM   #586
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Babe, thanks so much for posting that quotation. I have never seen it before.
Saludos, Karen
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Old 06-27-2008, 07:22 PM   #587
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Thank you kitchenelf.
And GB, thanks for reminding Katie we're all on the porch.
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:30 AM   #588
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I have been far from this thread for awhile, but you have not been far from my thoughts or prayers.
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:39 AM   #589
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Originally Posted by Pook View Post
I am still grieving over your loss, Katie.

I lost the love of my life when I was 38. Being a widow at any age is heartbreaking, terrifying, lost, and just gut-wrentching beyond words.
I delivered a sort of letter at my love's funeral.
Here it is as I spoke it:

My dear Terry, (substitute Buck if you will)
I stand beside you now as I did when we were joined as husband and wife. The years you gave were the happiest years of my life.
You gave me love, you gave me strength, you gave me support and the things only you could give.
I promise you I will carry on your memory and try to be the person you thought I am. I promise I will carry on from where you left off, and I will carry the love we shared forever.
You are the oasis in the desert, you are my strength, and from this moment on, I will carry on, for us both
Thank you for being in my life, and thank you for choosing me to be in your life. Thank you for being you, and thank you for loving me.
At that point, I did break down and said,
Thank you Terry. I love you and I always will.

I am so very, very sorry, Katie. I am terribly sorry for your loss. If there is ever anything I can do for you, PM me, please.
God bless you, honey. We all love and care for you.
that is beautiful Joyce!
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Old 06-28-2008, 11:52 AM   #590
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when my dad passed, one of the hardest things for me was to go out and get the hummingbird feeder to change the feed. You see dad did this everyother day..I tried to avoid the patio but finally I had to do it...I could feel the tears coming as I took the feeder down and I think I cried enough to wash it as I mixed the food put it in and then had to go hang it..Well, out I went reached up to put it on the hook and a sweet little hummer was right there clicking making that humming sound, he hovered over my hand then darted back til I finished,landed and drank and drank..I still think to this day my dad sent him.
So enjoy your porch, sit very still, Buck is right there with you and I firmly believe that slight breeze that brushes you cheek and hair is his way of letting you know you are and will always be first in his heart.

HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
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