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Old 02-21-2007, 08:04 PM   #31
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Philly, you make a good point, because I've seen this happen countless times...a guys opens a door for a woman and she doesnt thank him or even acknowledge him in some way. Very rude IMO. I always thank people when they are courteous towards me.

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Old 02-21-2007, 08:50 PM   #32
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My momma raised me well, and so did my dad. My significant other will attest to it. I ALWAYS make sure to hold doors, or even get her car door open and hold it before I do, when on the metro she was surprised even, when I gave up my seat for a lady that was standing, and funny enough, after I did it, a few more men on the rain did, lol!

I do NOT think women killed anything, it is a cop out. I do know that simple actions, repeatidly, can start to get taken for granted, and become "thankless", but I choose to be a better person. Just my $.02

...and in keeping with good manners, and a courteous attitude, I will not mention that you got the idea from the RR Talk show...

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Old 02-21-2007, 09:01 PM   #33
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I dont think most women want it anymore. At least not much of it. Outside of paying for the bill that is. Most ALL women I meet want a man that has money. Personality is a close second.
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Old 02-21-2007, 09:20 PM   #34
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Well, I must have found the only woman who relies solely on personallity! Cause I sure as heck don't got the loot! LOL!!!

Don't get me wrong. I make enough to take care of my baby. I will pass on buying clothes or parts for the Stang to buy something nice for Crystal or something she needs, if it comes down to it, just because that's the kind of person I am. I'm helping her pay off a credit card full of charges that have nothing to do with me so she can concentrate on her car payments and I'm helping her get herself back into school.

I've noticed something among my friends. My friend Jester (I will use nicknames to protect the innocent) and I were both raised solely by our mothers and we are very caring people and we go out of the way to help others and especialy the ones we love. Beave is an in-between. His father took and still takes very good care of his mother and he does the same for women, but does have a few limits. Dragon's father was rather forceful with his mother and he seems to be going down the same path. I almost got into it with him one night cause of how he was "playing" with his GF. I've also noticed men who are brought up by their fathers to love/worship sports tend to be stupid and insecure about themselves and will do anything to hide it.

Here's the real test ladies: Will your man, go to the store alone, and get you your "monthly" products without a second thought?

I've done this twice, at least, for my GF and it startled the daylights out of her the first time. She told me she needed them. I asked what she needed and she told me, not expecting me to get it at all, and when I showed up with them, her jaw dropped. The guy behind me in line was mumbling something about it and the cashier (around 25-ish) just kinda looked at me a little funny, like she had never seen a man buy them before. I kinda get a kick out of buying stuff like that just from the looks I get.
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Old 02-22-2007, 06:34 AM   #35
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men have been chivalrous towards women for about a thousand years now, and where has it gotten us??? if we had any brains at all, we'd have given up much sooner.

ok. most people know (i hope) that i'm a sucker for a one (or 2) liner. just couldn't resist that.

now that i've gotten that out of my system, let me say that it's about time chivalry (in the sense of holding doors for ladies, or standing up when they enter a room), if not quite dead, should be put out of it's misery in a quick and humane manner.

i think it's a wonderful thing that women's rights (and all other rights groups) have come along and finally clobbered some common sense into the general public. having someone hold your chair when you are seated is pretty poor recompense for not having property rights or voting rights. or the right for equal pay and education. as a simple meaningless "courtesy" at a formal dinner, it's fine in my opinion. but as a pervasive, everyday, everywhere practice, this kind of chivalry towards women can lead to too many negative social ramifications, even if only on the subconcious level.

on the other hand, while there can never be too much,and it can well be said that there's too little, i think that chivalry in the sense of being magnaminous and courteous to others in general is neither dead nor dying. nor should it. my rule of thumb is to always be courteous (give up seat on train, get the door, etc.) for: the elderly, the handicapped, obviously pregnant women, and people carrying babies. other than that, i'm courteous in general, but i believe the door should swing both ways. i don't feel the need to give up my seat on the train to someone simply because they happen to be female.

too many of the woes of on our poor planet are simply due to the fact that we see our selves or our group as being different from (and all too often, somehow superior to) others. the less of that kind of nonsense the better.

let me make sure that wine's ok before i use it.
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Old 02-22-2007, 06:55 AM   #36
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I was raised to be polite, courteous and I've become almost gracious as I've aged. I imagine as a martial artist, chivalry should be second nature and I've certainly put myself in difficult situations because I couldn't stand to see a woman abused in any way. I like waking up in the morning feeling good about myself so it works out well for everyone.
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Old 02-22-2007, 10:10 AM   #37
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In reply to Philso.

I don't stand up when a woman enters the room and I am sitting down. I have only twice gone as far as to "hold a chair" for a woman and they were both with my current GF, Crystal and both times it was in a joking manner.

I take care of Crystal for one simple reason: MY JOB is to keep a smile on her face. It is a TRUE full time job and if she isn't smiling, I'm doing a bad job.

Also, if she isn't smiling long enough, I'm out half my stuff. LOL!! Just kidding!

I hold doors for those who really need it (elderly and handicapped) for as long as they take to get in. I will hold the door for the person behind me and 92% of the time get thanked for it. When I am on line at any store, I try to strike up a conversation with the person at the register and I understand if/when there is a problem it's not their fault and don't yell at them. If I walk past people anywhere, I try to say 'hello' or 'how are you?'. Just plain be polite.

Life is too short to be a chooch to everyone and be miserable all the time. I work with a handful of people who are like that and I try to just stay away from them as much as I can. There is one that I have to work with Monday thru Thursday and all I do is kill her with kindness.

On the flip side, as I have stated before, I have let the door slam on people for being ignorant or rude.
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Old 02-22-2007, 10:34 AM   #38
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Here's another question on behalf of politeness:
If you're in line at the grocery store and the person behind you only has a couple items (as opposed to your half full grocery cart), do you let them go first?

I do. I appreciate it when somebody does that for me. I suppose I grew up learning to treat other how I'd like to be treated. I like it when someone holds the door open for me if they've just gone through, with 2 small kids in tow it is especially handy! I don't like when they just waltz through without saying a single word or acknowledging me in any way.

I feel like people are just too rushed to be polite these days. Lazy too maybe. Too rushed to fix their terrible parking job, too lazy to say please when they order their quadruple, extra hot, no whip, extra foam, soy, no sugar caramel latte with a cherry on top.

Something that I've thought a lot about since having our kids is that I think it is sooo important to teach my kids about respect! Saying please and thank you and excuse me is something that Aidan is already very good at. And the looks of astonishment that he gets by saying "excuse me" to get past someone! He's learning right now of holding doors for others. Aidan's generation is the one that will be holding doors for me when I'm an old grandma. I'd better start lifting weights I suppose, to get in shape for pulling the doors open for myself. I will have some peace of mind though, knowing that my boys will be doing what I have taught them.
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings." http://aidancallum.blogspot.com/
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Old 02-22-2007, 10:36 AM   #39
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Sushi, it is a poor class of women you meet who value only money.

Clutch, buying "monthly" products does not mean a man is chivalrous, it means he is immune to embarrassment or that a woman has planned badly.

Philso, I can only speak for myself, but I personally feel respected when a man thinks enough of me to hold a door open or to hold my chair. In my eyes, it is a gesture of respect. Although there aren't many specific "rules" about women showing respect to men in public, there are many ways women can be respectful to men. Just because there are no books dedicated to the subject doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Oh, and for the record, I give up MY seat on the bus to elderly, pregnant and handicapped folks as well. That isn't just a male province. It seems to me the height of disrespect to see a well dressed young business man seated and fiddling with his Blackberry while an older lady is standing and trying not to topple over while the bus weaves. Oops. Sorry folks, got off on a little rant there.
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Old 02-22-2007, 10:48 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by Clutch
When they find this "good" or "nice" man, they automatically want a "bad" man. Like the Fonz.
LOL @ 'the Fonz' as a "bad" man ... That's who you come up with?!? That's funny.

Just so you know, the Fonz had that tough-guy exterior but had a heart of gold. I'm confident that he treated all of his women very well.

As a gentleman, I shared your frustration for years. I finally met someone who likes to be treated well and who appreciates and even expects chivalry and kindness. It was worth the wait.

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