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Old 12-23-2006, 02:13 PM   #21
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a Sausage and Egg in a frying pan, the Sauasage says "is it just me or is it getting a little Hot in here?".
the Egg Screams out, "Oh My God!!!! a Talking Sausage!"

that is my best fave Joke Ever :)
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Old 12-23-2006, 05:58 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Insty-Grill
Why does Santa wash his cloths in tide????


--cz its 2 cold outide
Good one! LOL!

Lee
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Old 12-26-2006, 02:11 PM   #23
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Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He stayed up all night wondering about the existance of dog.
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Old 12-26-2006, 03:08 PM   #24
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a grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink.

the bartender pours him the drink, and says "ya know, we have a drink named after you."

the grasshopper replies "you've got a drink named pete?"




a horse walks into the bar and orders a drink, and the bartender says, "so, why the long face?"



a duck walks into the bar, and asks "got any duck feed?" the bartender says "duckfeed? no."
so the duck leaves.

the next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks again, "got any duck feed?" the bartender says, "no, this is a bar. we don't have duck feed!"
so the duck leaves.

the next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks yet again, "got any duck feed?"

angrily, the bartender growls "look, we don't have duck feed. we serve drinks here. if you come back in here tomorrow, i'm gonna nail your little webbed feet to the floor. ok?"
so the duck leaves.

the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and says "got any nails?"

the barender says "nails? no."

"got any duck feed?"...

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Old 12-26-2006, 03:44 PM   #25
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-How come wrong numbers are never busy?

-Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

-Does killing time damage eternity?

-Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

-Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

-Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

-How can there be self-help "groups"?

-How do you get off a non-stop flight?

-How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

-How many weeks are there in a light year?

-If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

-If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make foghorns out of?

-If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

-If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

-Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

-Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

-Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


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Old 12-26-2006, 04:41 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GB
Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic?
.
He stayed up all night wondering about the existance of dog.
Slightly varied wording:

"He lays awake at night and wonders if there really IS a dog."
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Old 12-26-2006, 06:26 PM   #27
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Riddle: How do you escape from a room that has only a mirror and a table? (no windows, doors, etc)

Answer: You look in the mirror and you see what you saw. You take the saw and saw the table in half. Two halves make a whole and you climb through.
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Old 12-27-2006, 06:09 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buckytom
a horse walks into the bar and orders a drink, and the bartender says, "so, why the long face?"



Celine Dion walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says "So, why the long face?"

Lee
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Old 12-29-2006, 04:41 PM   #29
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A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher", he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse. Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with "Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon.
After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when you said, 'Amen, Pharaoh?"
His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"

Barbara
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Old 12-29-2006, 05:17 PM   #30
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A doctor was addressing a large audience in Vancouver. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese Food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
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