"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 10-04-2007, 04:27 PM   #11
Head Chef
 
keltin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Down South in Alabama
Posts: 2,285
Send a message via AIM to keltin
Three good ole southern boys were driving down the road in a 4-door Chevelle (the Maverick was in the shop) when they got pulled over by an Alabama State Trooper. After pulling to the side of the road, and the driver rolls down his window and waits on the officer.

The Trooper walks up to the driver’s side window, reaches in, and *SMACK* slaps ole Billy clean across the face. Billy rubs his cheek and asks, “What did you do that for”?

The Trooper responds, “Son, when an Alabama State Trooper pulls you over, you have your driver’s license ready and waiting, ya' hear”?

Billy dutifully pulls out his license and submits it to the officer. After a few minutes of investigation, the Trooper returns the license and walks over to the front passenger side and taps on the window. Bobby rolls down his window and looks up at the trooper.

*SMACK*, the Trooper slapped ole Bobby hard across the face. Bobby rubbed his cheek and asked, “What was that for”?

The Trooper responded, “Son, when you are the passenger of a car that has been pulled over by an Alabama State Trooper, you immediately dig in the glove box and have the vehicle’s registration and proof of insurance ready and waiting, ya’ hear”!?

Bobby dutifully fished out the paperwork and handed it over to the Trooper. After a minute or so of investigation, the Trooper returned the papers to Bobby and stepped to the back window of the car. The Trooper tapped on the window, and Jimmy rolled it down and looked up at the officer.

*SMACK*, the Trooper slapped ole Jimmy up side his head. Jimmy rubbed his throbbing face and asked, “What was that for”?!?!

The Trooper calmly looked at Jimmy and said, “Son, I‘m just fulfilling your wish. Had you gotten no more than a half mile down this here road, you’d have said to your buddies ‘I wish that dumb Trooper would have slapped me’ ”!!
__________________

__________________
keltin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2007, 07:15 PM   #12
Head Chef
 
LT72884's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UTAH, BABY
Posts: 1,421
A pirate is sitting at a bar drinkin his Ale when his good ol buddy comes walkin in and sits next to him.

The friend looks at the pirate and says "captain i see your a pirate with a peg leg."
" Eye, I am a man with a peg leg" says the pirate.

The friend looks a round and takes a sip of his Ale and says
"captain, i see you a pirate with a hook for ye arm"
"Eye, i terrible fight with me wife"

The friend kinda surprised at his response says " well captain i see your a man with a patch for his eye."

The pirate boldy replies. "Eye, twas bird poop."

"BIRD POOP." says the friend loudly.

The pirate looks at him and then hangs his head and says "yup, bird poop. First day of me hook"
__________________

__________________
*A substitute for human interaction* - I really need to find a girl whos name doesnt end with .JPG
http://grillofmydreams.bluedisk.org
LT72884 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2007, 10:49 AM   #13
Head Chef
 
LT72884's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UTAH, BABY
Posts: 1,421
LOL, we need more jokes today.
__________________
*A substitute for human interaction* - I really need to find a girl whos name doesnt end with .JPG
http://grillofmydreams.bluedisk.org
LT72884 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2007, 10:59 AM   #14
Head Chef
 
keltin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Down South in Alabama
Posts: 2,285
Send a message via AIM to keltin
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender “Got any duck feed”.

The bartender said, “No, this is a bar not a farm”. So the duck left.

The next day, the duck came back and again asked, “Got any duck feed”. The bartender quickly snapped, “No, I told you yesterday we don’t carry duck feed”. So the duck left.

The next day, the duck again entered the bar and inquired of the bartender, “Got any duck feed”. Fed up, the bartender bellowed, “Look, I’ve done told you we don’t have any duck feed. If you come in here one more time and ask for any, I’m going to nail those little webbed feet of yours to the floor”! The duck turned and walked away.

The next day, the duck again entered the bar and approached the bartender, “Got any nails”? The bartender was taken aback at this and replied, “Uh, no, I don’t have any nails”.

“Got any duck feed”?
__________________
keltin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2007, 11:30 AM   #15
Sous Chef
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Utah
Posts: 580
__________________
NAchef is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2007, 11:33 AM   #16
Sous Chef
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Utah
Posts: 580
A womans world...........

__________________
NAchef is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2007, 11:41 AM   #17
Sous Chef
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Utah
Posts: 580
__________________
NAchef is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2007, 11:55 AM   #18
Sous Chef
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Utah
Posts: 580
The Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women

10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
__________________
NAchef is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2007, 11:57 AM   #19
Sous Chef
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Utah
Posts: 580
Its a Guy Thing

"IT'S A GUY THING."
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH, HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN."
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY; YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F. Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF; IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit; I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Translated:"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"I'M GETTING MORE EXERCISE LATELY"
Translated: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
__________________
NAchef is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2007, 10:27 AM   #20
Head Chef
 
keltin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Down South in Alabama
Posts: 2,285
Send a message via AIM to keltin
Toilet CleaningInstructions :

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.





Name:   cat1.JPG
Views: 54
Size:  19.7 KB


Sincerely,
The Dog




Click image for larger version

Name:	dog1.JPG
Views:	104
Size:	31.8 KB
ID:	3110
__________________

__________________
keltin is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:55 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.