"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 10-17-2007, 10:28 AM   #21
Certified Pretend Chef
 
Andy M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 41,393
Friday is my day to clean the bathrooms. Can I borrow your cat?
__________________

__________________
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
Andy M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2007, 10:42 AM   #22
Head Chef
 
LT72884's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UTAH, BABY
Posts: 1,421
LOL yeah thats funny. I wanna cat. a big fluffy cat
__________________

__________________
*A substitute for human interaction* - I really need to find a girl whos name doesnt end with .JPG
http://grillofmydreams.bluedisk.org
LT72884 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2007, 10:43 AM   #23
Head Chef
 
keltin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Down South in Alabama
Posts: 2,285
Send a message via AIM to keltin
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy M. View Post
Friday is my day to clean the bathrooms. Can I borrow your cat?
Let me ask the dog, but I'm sure he'll agree!
__________________
keltin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2007, 10:59 AM   #24
Head Chef
 
LT72884's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UTAH, BABY
Posts: 1,421
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
__________________
*A substitute for human interaction* - I really need to find a girl whos name doesnt end with .JPG
http://grillofmydreams.bluedisk.org
LT72884 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2007, 12:43 PM   #25
Master Chef
 
expatgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Texas girl living in Kazakhstan
Posts: 5,575
A plane is going down fast---no hope of survival. Two complete strangers, a man and a woman are seated side by side. Knowing their ultimate fate the woman hysterically turns to the man, tearing off her blouse, and excitedly demands that he treat her like a woman one last time-----truly amazed and exhilarated at the same time he tears off his shirt, hands it to her, and asks her to iron it for him.
__________________
The only difference between a "cook" and a "Chef" is who cleans up the kitchen.
expatgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2007, 12:09 PM   #26
Head Chef
 
LT72884's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UTAH, BABY
Posts: 1,421
>A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was
>severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't
graft any
>skin from
>his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate
some of
>her
>own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor
felt was
>suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and
wife agreed
>that
>they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they
requested
>that
>the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very
delicate
>matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded
at the
>man's new
>face.
>He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and
>relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty! One day,
he was
>alone with
>his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He
said,
>"Dear,
>I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
>How can I possibly repay you?"
>"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every
time I see
>your mother kiss you on the cheek."
__________________
*A substitute for human interaction* - I really need to find a girl whos name doesnt end with .JPG
http://grillofmydreams.bluedisk.org
LT72884 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2007, 06:28 PM   #27
DC's Angel
 
Buck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Bardwell. Kentucky USA
Posts: 1,500
A guy runs into a bar and shouts to the bartender, "Quick, set me up six shots of scotch!"

The bartender hurries to set up the shots and the customer slams them down his throat one after another, blam blam blam blam blam blam.

Bartender: "Wow! You're really knockin' em back!"

Customer: "You'd drink like this too if you had what I have!"

Bartender: "So what do you have?"

Customer: "About three bucks."
__________________
If we weren't meant to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
Buck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2007, 03:31 PM   #28
Traveling Welcome Wagon
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Somewhere, US
Posts: 15,919
10 Rules of Housekeeping

1. "Vacuuming too often will weaken the carpet fibers." Say this with a serious face and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

3. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply say, "What? And spoil the mood?"

4. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

5. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room, and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love for you to see our den but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

6. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place an urn on the coffee table and insist that, "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

7. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Johnny did this when he was two. I haven't had the heart to clean it."

8. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to our chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

9. Dust bunnies can evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and ecological exemption.

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
__________________

__________________
Barbara L is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:15 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.