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Old 07-22-2005, 11:39 PM   #1
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Joking wives and hurt feelings!

We had some friends over today which consisted of two couples and another female friend of my wife's, (break down....4 women and 3 men) and the subject of cooking came up. Don't know how that could have happen? (I'm trying to keep in good spirits as well)
Any who, my friend Erik's wife started all the heat of the night by saying, (directing toward Erik and I though) "You know, if you guy's were as passionate toward us as you are to cooking, we more than likely wouldn't complain as much"!
That comment, knowing her intentions, and even joking nature, really hit my friend and i pretty hard. Plus, all the ladies got into the conversation agreeing.

After a while of defending though, i finally came up with this comment....Yes, we are very passionate people, and through our cooking it shows how much we do care! But our passion has to show throughout the day toward the family, and can't be concentrated to only one being in the house? Passion is a funny thing because (most of all) children, as well as others, pick up on it VERY, VERY, easily! It sort of gives many people the drive and ambition, they may in other words lack at that point in time.

Then i looked up.........Now in defending, i made Erik's wife start tearing, but i think it was more from the love aspect of what i was saying, which then was comfirmed.

I guess i kinda still feel like a shmuk though, because even though it was "ment" as a joke......i still hear the serious tone in her voice, and think maybe i should have just went in the house and made myself something.....well....on the rocks i guess, and left it alone.

What would you have done?

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Old 07-23-2005, 02:14 AM   #2
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I don't think either of you meant to offend each other. I would let the whole situation just pass over. As far as the other ladies agreeing with her I would not let it bother you. Most of the other ladies just might have jumped on to her bandwagon. I would just let it go and still continue to enjoy your friendships with them and your friend Erik. The really only thing that matters is how you and your wife feel. I am sure that she appreciates all your contributions and attention to your family and to her.
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Old 07-23-2005, 02:24 AM   #3
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that would have gotten a response out of me too bbqf. (not much doesn't)

i think your response was appropriate, and the tears a bit melodramatic. but like sc said, just forget it. real friends survive minor mishaps anyway...
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Old 07-23-2005, 03:23 AM   #4
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Smile

I agree with Buckytom, There is no time to dwell on the little mishaps, and all the time in the world to see the little things that truly matter ! Have faith you sound like a good friend!
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Old 07-23-2005, 04:49 AM   #5
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I tried to animate your situation in my mind...But It is hard ofcourse, because you FEEL her "looks" towards to you and your friend. The important thing here is "looks" when she said her words!! And she said
-"You know, if you guy's were as passionate toward us as you are to cooking, we more than likely wouldn't complain as much"!
According to me "this is more than cooking!!!" This subject was just a tool that let her saying these words.

So I fully agree with Sierracook... Don't worry about it... Life is so beautiful...
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Old 07-23-2005, 10:04 AM   #6
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In agreement with everyone here - and the mere fact that you posted shows you are a caring person. Keep in mind, it wasn't your wife who initiated it. It's all water under the bridge now.
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Old 07-23-2005, 11:48 AM   #7
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So you KNEW she was joking and you thought you detected a more serious truthful message in her joke. You said it hit your friend and you pretty hard (did you and your friend talk about it or could you just tell by looking at his body language?). Of course I wasn't there but, just by playing Junior Psychologist for a moment, I'm thinking that maybe you were hurt because you felt as though there was a basic and somewhat embarrassing truth exposed in a public setting (guilty conscience?).

Since you knew it was meant as a joke (with, of course, a sharp edge) it might have been better to laugh along with it even though your feelings were hurt. Then you could have discussed it with your wife later, asking her if she actually did agree with the comment. If there actually WAS an issue with 'lack of passion' or attention you could have worked on that within the privacy of your own relationship, rather than a public, alcohol-lubricated forum. I don't know how long the conversation following the joke lasted, but you say you spent a while defending. It doesn't seem (to me) that the 'joke' warranted a debate.

Again, I wasn't there so I can't judge. I'm only offering another possibility.
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Old 07-23-2005, 12:46 PM   #8
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Thanks for all of the replies, it's a big help to see other points of managing a situation!

It is (as jkath said) Water under the bridge now, as this late morning we all went out to brunch and discussed what happened, but also that Erik and his family were looking to move in the area.
Which "somehow" they found out about the house behind me, and to the left, that actually shares about 13 feet of property line with me is going up for sale on Monday.
I really don't doubt he will get the house, but i have my best friend that lives next door, and now Erik that will more than likely live directly behind him. And rest assured, there's gunna be a whole lotta BBQin/cookin goin on!
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Old 07-23-2005, 01:00 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BBQ Fish
...rest assured, there's gunna be a whole lotta BBQin/cookin goin on!
Just make sure that cookin with your buds doesn't compromise anything in other important areas of your life.

I'm glad that everything's okay with you and your friends.
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Old 07-23-2005, 11:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Z
Just make sure that cookin with your buds doesn't compromise anything in other important areas of your life.

I'm glad that everything's okay with you and your friends.
Thanks Z

We really don't have to worry because we have an understanding already.....And PLEASE, excuse the slang we use toward eachother.......I'm the Pollock that cooks Italian, Indian, Sushi (only the kind i like), BBQ (mostly everything), and "some" Mexican and vegan. Keven, my best friend, which calls himself the R-Go (Russian and Italian) that cooks Polish, Thai, baked goods (like breads and such) and more Mexican. And now Erik, he calls himself, (with a nick name i gave him years ago) the FEB (Far East Beast), because he is crazy fast, makes WAY too much fire, and could out do us both with presentation!

I guess the house isn't going on the market now because everything is finalized on Monday and Erik's moving in the first week of August!
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