Just making myself miserable.

[Dave Hutchins]

Barb L you are too much. Hand them the remote indeed. My dad went to bed at 9 pm ever night of his life he did not care who was there he went to bed. Then every body took the hint.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Sometimes I look at my watch and say "Heavens, I didn't know it was so late! I'm so sorry for keeping you here so long but I was just enjoying your visit and the time got away from me! Let me walk you to the car so you can get home to bed." Of course, this only works for people who have some social sensitivity. For those that don't, I apologize for having to end the evening but tell them that I turn into a pumpkin at 10 o'clock!

 

[elaine l]

I feel your pain. I have a friend or something like that who lives about 2 hours away. She always tries to make plans that include her and her husband staying overnight. I don't mind getting together but not always for a weekend. To watch them sit here on a Sunday morning, reading the paper and I have no idea when they intend to leave. Since neither of them work, they don't realize the value of a Sunday is to me. I usually just beg off with an excuse. I shy away from friendships that just cause me stress.

 

[Chico Buller]

It is now the morning after. Yikes, what a night.

Just about the time I'm looking around for a "blunt object" with which to throttle him, he hands me one! A pound of silver as a gift. One of those giant proof coins.

So, I folded like a box-kite hitting a stone patio. While the girls talked, he asked for a "few knives" that needed sharpening, and oh yes, could I polish them with paste and glass. And he looked over each one like he was paying for them.

I hadn't eaten, I knew my wife had to eat with her thyroid meds, so like a big dummy I ask if anyone else is hungry. We drive up the street to a Chinese restaurant my wife and I enjoy (inside the zone of a banger shooting gallery) and eat and talk and putz and wool-gather and wile away the hours until it's 10:30PM on my wife's school night. (She's a teacher.)

We get back to my house to gather up his stuff, and he sees my nakiri laying on the bamboo board. He looks up nonchalantly and asks, "Are these business related or personal?"

I use a biker epithet outlining that everything I have is for sale, except the motorcycle and the wife. He shrugs, and asks, "Take a check?"

As they leave, his POSILQ (person of opposite sex in living quarters) gives me a big hug, and they fade into the evening.

I have a gift, dinner, and a profit. Why does he do this to me? And for a kink in the keester, I really like him.

 

[Jeekinz]

It might sound corny, but honesty is the best policy. It might not be the easiest policy, but it is the only way to get your needs addressed correctly. Tell your guest that you would love to have him over, but you need to call it a night by x o'clock. Direct honesty is the best way to go.

LOL....it's rare I agree with GB...rotf. But he hit the nail on the head with this one. It was exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

 

[Chico Buller]

Jeekinz, oh, I have no problem with honestly stating my true feelings, in fact my wife would be happy if I just shut up once in a while.

And since retirement I have no impulse control whatsoever. I mean, here I am a tinker in the land of chefs. How many weeks I have gone here without a ban? Astounding!

The crux here is that this is a really good friend. And to a biker, I would consider him a bro in all of the traditional descriptions. And let's be honest, I probably drive him nuts.

I know that I can never have my own way 24/7, but sometimes this feeling wells up, and I cannot shake it.

The sad thing is that I am going to have to deal with this--if I want to keep our friendship and care for my wife under the new circumstances. It's a tightrope to walk. Perhaps that's the thing I hate.

 

[GB]

Jeekinz, oh, I have no problem with honestly stating my true feelings, in fact my wife would be happy if I just shut up once in a while.

And since retirement I have no impulse control whatsoever. I mean, here I am a tinker in the land of chefs. How many weeks I have gone here without a ban? Astounding!

The crux here is that this is a really good friend. And to a biker, I would consider him a bro in all of the traditional descriptions. And let's be honest, I probably drive him nuts.

I know that I can never have my own way 24/7, but sometimes this feeling wells up, and I cannot shake it.

The sad thing is that I am going to have to deal with this--if I want to keep our friendship and care for my wife under the new circumstances. It's a tightrope to walk. Perhaps that's the thing I hate.

There are a whole bunch of words here, but none of them address why you could not just be honest with him and tell him you need him out of your house by a certain time.

 

[texasgirl]

There are a whole bunch of words here, but none of them address why you could not just be honest with him and tell him you need him out of your house by a certain time.

If you read between the lines, he's too nice for his own good! lol
I 'm guilty of the same thing! sad but true!

 

[Chico Buller]

GB, if you grew up in that environment, you learn the ropes of that group.

For example, there is a world of difference between a friend and a bro. You might not like the bro or what he does. But he is part of what you consider an extended family. You have taken on that responsibility.

You must have a no-brother-good-inlaw that drives you nuts and drinks up all of your good single malt. But your wife loves him, deep inside he's an alright guy, so you cut him slack as you would for no one else.

Then again, you have a friend who is a confidant, the kind of guy who is always welcome for the big-screen and a Packer game.

This guy drives me nuts. I don't know how to resolve it. Frankly, deep inside, I'm hot sure I can or want to.

 

[CharlieD]

I know exactly what you are talking about. My wife has this girl friend, I'm friends with her husband, oh, well, I think I'm more friends with her actually than with him. He is the nicesest man you'll ever meat, but her, I can't stand her. She is the loudest, never leaves, always invites her self over at the most inappropriate times. I do like her, but I hate her. I think I hate my self around her. Because I can never say "no" and she doesn't get it. She has no class what so ever, but she really is very funny, it's like a free cloun at the party. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[QSis]

Love the coin, Chico!

What you going to do with it? Frame and hang it?

Lee

 

[GB]

GB, if you grew up in that environment, you learn the ropes of that group.

For example, there is a world of difference between a friend and a bro. You might not like the bro or what he does. But he is part of what you consider an extended family. You have taken on that responsibility.

You must have a no-brother-good-inlaw that drives you nuts and drinks up all of your good single malt. But your wife loves him, deep inside he's an alright guy, so you cut him slack as you would for no one else.

Then again, you have a friend who is a confidant, the kind of guy who is always welcome for the big-screen and a Packer game.

This guy drives me nuts. I don't know how to resolve it. Frankly, deep inside, I'm hot sure I can or want to.

Again you have typed a lot of words, but have not said why you can not just be honest.

What is so hard about saying you would love to have him over tonight, but you need to call of a night by 8pm?

 

[Chico Buller]

but have not said why you can not just be honest.

I guess there are social mores in every aspect of culture, even mine. If you went to a biker funeral, the last toast would spook your horse.

I guarantee we will speak. My wife wanted to share some time with the POSILQ, she has not felt well, so I was more willing to cave.

What you going to do with it? Frame and hang it?

It looks like all of the cool kids hang these things around their necks. It does match my chrome...

 

[Jeekinz]

For some reason, I feel dumberer now.

 

[GB]

I guess there are social mores in every aspect of culture, even mine.

So in the biker culture honesty is forbidden?

 

[Chico Buller]

So in the biker culture honesty is forbidden?

No, quite the opposite.

However, things that you might find "rude public behavior" are simply mildly amusing for us.

One morning, I wanted to ride. I pulled a buddy out of bed before the birds got up. We blew the day off. Now his wife had a firm opinion on this...

However, going out of your way is the correct way. It's fixing a tire at 3:00AM in the rain. It's getting your bell rung for a buddy whose drunken behavior irritated a townie.

These things are good because they are the fabric of something much bigger than any one of us.

There will come a time, over a cystal clear beaker of Don Julio when I'll mention that my buddy should "call first" a bit more often. He'll shrug, probably admit it's a problem he has, and then we'll throw the cork away.

In the final analysis, it's not even his problem, it's the way he is. The issue here is defining just exactly what kind of a friend and bro I want to be. And part of me believes I failed somehow.

For some reason, I feel dumberer now.

Haven't you seen those huge necklaces that kids wear? Just slightly smaller than a license plate with some meaningless symbol on them?

 

[GB]

So again you have not say why you can not just be honest. You keep on talking around it, but never answering it. I can make it easy for you. Just fill in the blank.

I can not just tell my buddy that he needs to leave tonight by 8pm because...

 

[blissful]

So in the biker culture honesty is forbidden?

It doesn't matter who it is, that is 'needing attention', it's just that people sometimes do need to be with other people. To me it seems that Chico was just was being kind, and kindness is better than brutal honesty, or being selfish. That's just my opinion.

He could also use the excuse, 'my wife has a tri-weekly date with me tonight at 8, and we have to 'get it done' before 9 so she can sleep and then work'. lol

 

[GB]

It doesn't matter who it is, that is 'needing attention', it's just that people sometimes do need to be with other people. To me it seems that Chico was just was being kind, and kindness is better than brutal honesty, or being selfish. That's just my opinion.

Chico started this thread by saying how his wife is sick and she pays for it when people over stay their welcome, he is unhappy with the situation, and referred to it as an impossible situation.

I do not see how it is selfish to be honest with your guest and tell them you would love to have them over, but the night needs to end by a certain time.

He also said the guy drives him nuts and he doesn't know how to resolve it. I have mentioned being honest as a sure fire way of resolving it, but he never says why he is unable to do this. He just keeps talking about biker culture as if bikers can't be honest.

 

[Chico Buller]

GB, cultures are always important. For example, the 'okay symbol,' (thumb to index, the other fingers straight up), is an obscene gesture in some parts of the world.

The simple world "poser" can get you hospitalized in a biker bar.

My point is that I have made a covenant to act in a certain fashion among my peers. Simple issue.

I'm sure you don't wear cut-off jeans and eat with your elbows on the table at Spago.

You do bring up a certain slant. If things were going perfectly, I just might shrug. But yes, my wife is sick. I'm concerned. It could simply be displaced anger or resentment on an issue I cannot solve.