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Old 03-05-2011, 12:45 PM   #11
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-1. My husband is a strict NON drinker and I drink when I wish to do so. Been together for almost 20 years now and going strong.

This is not about drinking or not drinking though. It is, as folks have already suggested, about trust and about making concessions to one another in your relationship. He wouldn't keep bringing it up if it didn't bother him. You clearly hurt him and there is some trust that needs rebuilding. Whether you did anything wrong or not is immaterial. He is feeling hurt by your actions. He's bringing it up because he is afraid you are going to hurt him again. It appears the ball is in your court, you are going to have to show him he can trust you. Have that conversation everyone is encouraging you to have and really listen to what he tells you.

I would also suggest you chat with a close girlfriend as sometimes things are lost in text. Good luck and I wish you well.
Do you drink to the stage that the OP stated, to the point of being greatly impaired? Needing to put yourself in a situation where trust comes into question. As I said it was my opinion.

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Old 03-05-2011, 01:20 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by CraigC

Do you drink to the stage that the OP stated, to the point of being greatly impaired? Needing to put yourself in a situation where trust comes into question. As I said it was my opinion.

Craig
Two drinks is my limit for driving. If I might be over the legal limit I won't risk it. I was pretty impaired that night, but not being able to drive does not necessarily equal drinking in excess.

Anyway, thank you alix, that was very helpful.
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Old 03-05-2011, 03:31 PM   #13
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Do you drink to the stage that the OP stated, to the point of being greatly impaired? Needing to put yourself in a situation where trust comes into question. As I said it was my opinion.

Craig
Craig, your statement did not reference anything about trust whatsoever, it stated merely that drinkers and non drinkers did not have lasting relationships. Your opinion is duly noted. Mine, as I stated, is different.

Skittle, I think if you care for each other enough to be this hurt, you care enough to work through this bumpy patch. Again, best wishes my friend!
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Old 03-05-2011, 04:13 PM   #14
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I drink wine every day and my family business is a vineyard and winery. My wife, who is from Russia, does not drink because her father was abusive with alcohol. We get along great.

I think lumping people into categories is foolish. Drinkers, non-drinkers, non-smokers, etc.

You're BF is obviously jealous. I'm extremely jealous of my wife. I know it would take me a long time to forget something like that. Does not mean I would not forgive.....I just would not forget. Right now he has ammunition against you and will probably continue to use it for a little while. He has probably already forgiven you.....but he needs to hang onto this for a little while. I probably would also. Does not mean it is the right thing to do, but he's doing it now.

I think talking about it will help....but you'll end up going in a circle. The way it sounds is that he will hang onto it for a little while and probably continue to bring it up in the future. If you refuse to let him "beat you up" with that scenario, he's probably stop bringing it up. I know I would.

If you truly love one to the other.....this will pass. Look down the long road.
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Old 03-05-2011, 04:38 PM   #15
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I think Alix and Loveabigdog have you on the right track Skittle. If this relationship is really important to you, and it sounds like it is....then give it some time. Time and talk are great healers
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:14 PM   #16
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As long as the OP isn't abusing alcohol it's all cool. Many relationships ultimately end up in the dumps when there's alcohol abuse.
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:35 PM   #17
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This has nothing to do with cooking, but I can't go on Facebook, because my boyfriend, who I want to talk about, would see it. So I like to drink, and my boyfriend doesn't. He refuses to go out with me, so every month or so I go out without him, and since I'm by myself, I'm left to fend for myself for rides or whatever. Several months ago I wasn't ok to drive and I couldn't find a ride so I stayed on a (male) friend's couch. My boyfriend got very angry, but supposedly forgave me. He has brought it up randomly about once a month since then, so he obviously doesn't want to let me forget about it. For the first time in a year, it's made me wonder if maybe I would be better off single. Forgiveness is really important to me. I wonder how he would react if I brought up something dumb he did a long time ago every month or so. I just need to talk to someone about it. Little help?
Skittle the sentence in red says it all, and maybe he would be better off single too. I'm not saying that to be hurtful to you.. Just my old fashioned opinion, that people who are committed to each other don't leave their loved one at home to go out and party alone, let alone stay out overnight with someone. You are leading the life of a single, and I'm sure that is his legitimate objection. In my opinion he is not being unreasonable.
I truly wish both of you well.
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:44 PM   #18
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i agree with craig. i tried a relationship when i didn't drink and he did. i became disgusted with how he behaved when he drank. it was a deal breaker. i didn't mind a couple of drinks but he would stop off after work when more than likely i was holding dinner. if a cocktail at home is not enough for you, you would be better off single. just thank goodness you are not married to him.
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:56 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Luvabigdog View Post
I drink wine every day and my family business is a vineyard and winery. My wife, who is from Russia, does not drink because her father was abusive with alcohol. We get along great.

I think lumping people into categories is foolish. Drinkers, non-drinkers, non-smokers, etc.

You're BF is obviously jealous. I'm extremely jealous of my wife. I know it would take me a long time to forget something like that. Does not mean I would not forgive.....I just would not forget. Right now he has ammunition against you and will probably continue to use it for a little while. He has probably already forgiven you.....but he needs to hang onto this for a little while. I probably would also. Does not mean it is the right thing to do, but he's doing it now.

I think talking about it will help....but you'll end up going in a circle. The way it sounds is that he will hang onto it for a little while and probably continue to bring it up in the future. If you refuse to let him "beat you up" with that scenario, he's probably stop bringing it up. I know I would.

If you truly love one to the other.....this will pass. Look down the long road.

Insecurities and Control Issues fly that RED FLAG high. The need to keep drudging up the past is "DIRTY FIGHTING" and is NOT acceptable.
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:59 PM   #20
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Skittle the sentence in red says it all, and maybe he would be better off single too. I'm not saying that to be hurtful to you.. Just my old fashioned opinion, that people who are committed to each other don't leave their loved one at home to go out and party alone, let alone stay out overnight with someone. You are leading the life of a single, and I'm sure that is his legitimate objection. In my opinion he is not being unreasonable.
I truly wish both of you well.
Just because two people are in a committed relationship, it does not mean that they should be attached at the hip!!!
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