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Old 02-28-2008, 09:59 AM   #31
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Seeing my parents, there's another reason I'm glad I started earlier. My mom was 34 my dad 37, like more people are doing now, but this was back in 1974. They wanted masters degrees and such first, which I get.
They also can't really keep up with my kids. Dad turned 70 the other day, mom is 67. I want to be able to be young enough to enjoy my grandkids fully, and not have the image I do of my grandparents just being the crabby old people that yelled if we ran too much or talked too loud. I see it in my parents with my kids and it REALLY bugs me. My dad gets all huffy if my 2 yr old drops a potato chip on the rug.
All I really ever wanted was to be a mom and wife, which I guess is my version of a masters degree, and thats what I have!!! :)
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Old 02-28-2008, 10:36 PM   #32
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...I really feel like the closer the parents are, the more they get along, the more respect they have for each other, and the more fun they have together will equal a wonderful, safe, stable, happy environment for their babies...
This is one of the most important pieces of advice you will ever get. It brought to mind something I read a few years ago. It said, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." Of course it applies to the mom too. Once children start to come, a lot of couples begin to put all their effort into the kids. They begin to forget each other. By the time the kids grow up and leave home, the parents don't have anything in common anymore. I knew a couple who devoted every waking hour to their kids. One example is that when they went anywhere in the car, the kids would fight with each other over who got to sit in the front seat, and the mom ended up riding in the back! Kids don't need parents who bend over backwards all the time for them. They need parents who love each other and set a good example for them of what they should aspire to when they grow up and have children.

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Old 02-29-2008, 01:28 AM   #33
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Amen to that, Barbara. I had a friend, too, that rode with her son in the back seat of the car until he was 5 years old. That's when we moved.......he should have graduated from university by now and who knows she may still be sitting in the back seat with him to this day. She and her husband's entire lives revolved around him.....
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Old 02-29-2008, 12:18 PM   #34
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Definately. The marriage comes first, all things revolve around THAT.
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Old 02-29-2008, 12:40 PM   #35
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It brought to mind something I read a few years ago. It said, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
Wasn't that Dr. Laura? I hear her say that a lot
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Old 02-29-2008, 12:42 PM   #36
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Talking about the mother driving in the back seat - when I au-paired in Italy the 8 year old son slept next to the mom in the double bed and the husband slept on a stretcher next to them as apparently the son refused to sleep in his own bed and their bed wasn't big enough ... Sorry to digress but I just had to share that
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Old 02-29-2008, 01:08 PM   #37
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I agree with UncleBob. Kids are for the young, but not too young. My DW gave birth to our first child when she was 24 and I was 23. We had three more after that. Like you, I have always loved children, and had a great time raising mine to adulthood. Yes, they did take up all of our time. Yes, they were (and still are) somewhat of a financial burden. But they are your family. They are a part of you. And if raised right, they can be your best freinds, and the people who you can trust above all others (except for your spouse of course).

In my opinion, people look at children as property, as baggage, something that holds us back. If one feels that way about children, then that person shouldn't have them. They are not pets, or pests, or little brats. Children are a part of you, and should be given all of the time and resources you have to give them. If this is done, with love and respect given and expected, then they are part of a unit that is truly eternal, the family. A successful family will provide you with more satisfaction and joy than any other endeavor you can undertake. It is what makes you whole, and complete.

Make your family the most important thing in your life and you will have a wonderful life. Cars rust away, or fail. Physical bueaty fades with age. Money can be lost with a quick turn of the stock market, or loss of a job (usually through no fault of the person losing the job, i.e. factory closes or lays off workers). All things become corrupted through time, except familial relationships that are nurtured continuously.

Of course you must be able to provide a reasonable life for your family, which means that you prepare through education, training, building, and hard work. You learn to organize your life to provide maximum resources while allowing time to truly enjoy your spouse and kids. Go camping. When you eat steak, feed them steak. When you eat bread, they eat bread.

In the house i grew up in, the best was researved for my stepfather. He was the man of the house and desearved all the respect we gave him. But in my house, the best was researved for my wife and children, as I was the primary provider and it was my choice who the resources went to. I didn't go without. but I made sure that each member of my household knew that they were the most important people in my life. It has paid off in spades. I have amazing relationships with my adult children. I couldn't ask for a better family. And I would do it over again every time if I had could go back in time. But I would invest heavily in MicroSoft in the early 80's.

Oh, and as you are remodeling/rebuilding your house, now is the time to do a bit of research into alternative energy sources and techniques for reducing utility loads. Specifically, look at periodicals such as Mother Earth News. Look into house design, into Evacuated Tube Solar Collectors (amazing product), and other money saving technologies. Look at ways to use natural lighting to limit the use of electric lighting, and compact flourecent lighting as well. There are a host of ways to provied air-conditioning and heating for your home at virtually no cost, and to reduce your hot-water and refrigerator energy loads. Typically, the cost to put in the technologies is low-cost, and virtually maintenance free when done right.

Seeeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North
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Old 02-29-2008, 01:38 PM   #38
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When we married, we both knew, we wanted kids and NOW..We started a family right away..4 kids later, we had our family, I was one lucky mom..We both had, had parents who worked,DH wanted the kids mom to be at home with them..So, I stopped working right as soon as I found out number 1 was on the way..My kids, never stayed with baby sitters, just my parents, I was not a mom who had a lot of pals to go shopping with or out to lunch, and I have to admit I get a tad grumpy with my daughters when they dump the kids on a baby sitter who is 15 and go out for the evening..It makes me wild...I know, they deserve some time for mommy! Well, I never had that and you know what? I'm glad, because there are the times you think Oh Lord aren't they grown up yet? Well that comes and way to fast...Then your left with an empty nest and scramble to find something to fill your time..
You see for me life is my kids and especially Cade,Carson,Ethan,Olivia,ALyssa and Gianna..They are what I get up every morning for, put up with all this crap to keep going on dialysis...Kids..
What life is about, so make sure they are what you want, have some fun, enjoy fixing your home and when the time comes you'll know yes or no..Don't ever have a child to appease someone have them because you cannot live without them.
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Old 02-29-2008, 01:51 PM   #39
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Wasn't that Dr. Laura? I hear her say that a lot
Could be. I read it on a plaque I bought my [now ex] son-in-law a few years ago. You remember him--the "sweet" guy who left his wife and kids on Mother's Day a couple years ago?

Anyway, it may have been on a cheap plaque, but I really believe what it says.

LOL Years ago I gave my mom and dad another cheap plaque (hey, it's what I could afford!) with a neat saying. Last I saw it is still there. It says, "Marriage is the union of two good forgivers."

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Old 02-29-2008, 04:35 PM   #40
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This is one of the most important pieces of advice you will ever get. It brought to mind something I read a few years ago. It said, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." Of course it applies to the mom too. Once children start to come, a lot of couples begin to put all their effort into the kids. They begin to forget each other. By the time the kids grow up and leave home, the parents don't have anything in common anymore. I knew a couple who devoted every waking hour to their kids. One example is that when they went anywhere in the car, the kids would fight with each other over who got to sit in the front seat, and the mom ended up riding in the back! Kids don't need parents who bend over backwards all the time for them. They need parents who love each other and set a good example for them of what they should aspire to when they grow up and have children.

Barbara
That is some of the best advice ever stated on this site. Kudos to you Barbara. Though I love my kids more than life itself, I made a promise to my wife, which I have kept to this day, and will keep forever, that if ever a choice had to be made between my dids and my wife, my choice would go to my wife. I married her. I chose her as my companion. That's just the way it is.

Fortunately, as I stated, my kids are great, and I wouldn't change one of them, so the choice never had to be made. And strong parents are a requirement of strong families.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North
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