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Old 02-26-2008, 02:46 PM   #1
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Just wondering...

Hey everyone, I was just sittin here thinkin, and decided i'd start a thread asking everyone's opinion about something...

I am 20 years old, (husband's 22) and we've been married for a little over a year. We bought a house a couple months after we got married, and have just started doing some serious remodeling to it. We have big plans for our house, and are loving every new little thing we do to it! My guess is, in about 2 years we'll be finished with it. So the few times we've discussed trying for children, we just agreed it'd be 2-4 years. We've also always said we wanted the first 2-4 years to be time, set aside for us to grow together, and do things together as a couple. We agreed that "We have the rest of our lives to have a baby"......... So why for the past 2-3 months have I been, literally, craving to have a baby!?!

lol, I've mentioned it a few times to my husband, and he just stares at me with this scared look on his face ...lol kinda like that.. Nothing's changed really, we still both agree that we want to wait... lol it's just a little harder for me to say it now!

I was just wondering, if any of you could go back. Would you have waited longer to have start having kids?


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Old 02-26-2008, 02:48 PM   #2
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Remodel your house first, then have kids. Once you do have kids, you won't have time for anything else.

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Old 02-26-2008, 02:51 PM   #3
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Yes, I would have. I would have waited until we were financially stable and more stable in our relationship, which, would be now. LOL And I'm 39.
Don't jump into it. You have plenty of time. Get to know yourselves better and get everything else perfect for you first. It will make having a baby even more wonderful for you.
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Old 02-26-2008, 02:55 PM   #4
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So... are you unhappy in other aspects of life or the relationship?
Perhaps this is a subconscious message from your ID telling you
that things are not well elsewhere.....

Just a thought.

(My sister had both her kids during times in her life where she was unhappy.
Many years later she admitted she had them for all the wrong reasons...
and it showed in how she raised them, poor things.
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Old 02-26-2008, 03:05 PM   #5
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That's interesting. I never would've thought of that.

I don't believe that's it, in my case. There aren't any areas in my life that i'd say i'm unhappy about..

I just love kids.. We baby-sit alot for our friends, which I LOVE to do. Everyone says babysitting is the best form of birth-control, lol... I think it had the opposite effect on me!

I'm sure this is probably just a phase that will pass.
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Old 02-26-2008, 03:38 PM   #6
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Hi BC,
Both of you guys are young and have lots of time.
Don't be in a rush for either the remod or the kids. But, I hope that you and your husband will be happy with whichever comes first. I'm sure you will do just fine.
"You wouldn't know a diamond if you held it in your hand. The things you think are precious I can't understand" STEELY DAN.
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Old 02-26-2008, 03:52 PM   #7
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You'll know when it is the right time. Don't rush, but also tell your husband to relax and not worry so much about it. I do know that if there are problems (and it doesn't sound like there are) a baby won't fix them. I also know that if you wait until you can afford them, you will never have kids (this is not to say that if finances are critically low, such as both unemployed, that a baby should not be put off for awhile--I'm talking about people who want everything paid off and a healthy financial cushion in the bank). It is my experience (limited though it may be) that men are pretty much terrified of starting a family anyway. So, keep the lines of communication open and the right time will present itself before you know it.

P.S. A lot of teachers find teaching to be a pretty good birth control method too! And teachers have the hardest time coming up with names for babies. "Nope, can't name her that. Remember that horrible monster in my class last year? That was her name!" LOL
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Old 02-26-2008, 03:58 PM   #8
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Yeah, that is something I hear alot as well. "You'll never really be READY to have children". I understand what you mean though. We are getting pretty close to having all our debt paid off (except our house). If we could just sell DH stupid truck we'd be in MUCH better shape!!

I'm still, realisticly, thinking 2 years or so. I just thought it was odd that my personal view on it has changed so suddenly!

My MIL has been hoping for a grandbaby since we got married! lol She asked if I wanted a cookie the other day, and I said "No thanks, my stomach's kind of upset" and she immediatly said (very seriously) "Oh are you pregnant? Or is it just the flu?" LOL..
She is not pushy by any means, she just doesn't hide the fact that she's waiting..... paciently... lol..
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Old 02-26-2008, 04:02 PM   #9
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Enjoy your time together. As someone who has NEVER been alone with a husband, once you have children, it won't be the two of you for many, many years.

Let me explain my second sentence. When I married the first time I married a widower with a 4-year-old son. My husband and I had NO "just us" time during our entire 10-year marriage. Vacations were even spent with someone. The only time we were alone was the 3 days we were on our honeymoon, which was a business trip and he spent all day in meetings.

When we divorced, I met Buck. By then I had 3 children and Buck had 2 children. Again, no "just us" time, so enjoy and cherish the time you have with each other. You will learn volumes about each other and build a firm foundation on which to build a strong family.

Have fun creating the house you will begin your family in and relish bringing your first child across the threshold of that loving and safe haven. It will be more than worth the time and effort. Think of it as the anticipation you feel on Christmas morning as you can't wait to open your presents.

Again, as I've said on these boards before, in the words of my wise maternal grandfather, "Take it easy; make it nice."
"As a girl I had zero interest in the stove." - Julia Child
This is real inspiration. Look what Julia became!
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Old 02-26-2008, 04:10 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by beginner_chef
So why for the past 2-3 months have I been, literally, craving to have a baby!?!

Because ya been bit by the bug!!! There's a lot of factors at play...all of them perfectly normal for most young women your age.. Not to worry...it's a beautiful, beautiful thing!!! I love your plan... It's rock solid and makes perfectly good sense! Execute it!!!

I'll share a couple of "truisms" (for me anyway)

"If you wait until you can afford to have them...you never will have them."
"Small Children are for young people...The later in life you have them the more trying(on you) they can be" (sometimes)...However, at age 20 ya got plenty of time...so get that house ready first...when the time is right..you will know ...

Blue Skies......

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