Manners -- table and otherwise

[Uncle Bob]

like most of you have posted, we were taught table manners as children, and over the years, i've been mighty glad.

But the original post was titled manners - table and otherwise. Is it just my age showing, or do folks no longer teach manners to children? I'm talking about common courtesy: Please and thank you; not interrupting; yes maam & no sir, staying in your seat at the table or in a restaurant; not yelling or screeching in public places; etc. These are all things that are summed up simply as respect or courtesy.

These manners are as necessary for fitting in to business and professional situations later in life as table manners are, but sadly, too many parents seem to think their little darlings don't need to be trained.

+ 1

 

[Andy M.]

Like most of you have posted, we were taught table manners as children, and over the years, I've been mighty glad.

But the original post was titled Manners - Table and Otherwise. Is it just my age showing, or do folks no longer teach manners to children? I'm talking about common courtesy: please and thank you; not interrupting; yes maam & no sir, staying in your seat at the table or in a restaurant; not yelling or screeching in public places; etc. These are all things that are summed up simply as respect or courtesy.

These manners are as necessary for fitting in to business and professional situations later in life as table manners are, but sadly, too many parents seem to think their little darlings don't need to be trained.

I was pleased to see that the manners lessons we preached to our daughters many years ago meant something as now my eldest is teaching my grandson proper manners. It's nice to hear an almost three year old say please and thank you.

 

[GB]

Like most of you have posted, we were taught table manners as children, and over the years, I've been mighty glad.

But the original post was titled Manners - Table and Otherwise. Is it just my age showing, or do folks no longer teach manners to children? I'm talking about common courtesy: please and thank you; not interrupting; yes maam & no sir, staying in your seat at the table or in a restaurant; not yelling or screeching in public places; etc. These are all things that are summed up simply as respect or courtesy.

These manners are as necessary for fitting in to business and professional situations later in life as table manners are, but sadly, too many parents seem to think their little darlings don't need to be trained.

This topic comes up every few years or so and it always amazes me how diferent peoples experiences can be. While you see you kinds not displaying manners (and I do not doubt that for a second), I see most you people show manners every day. Now they don't do it in every situation and not every kid does, but the majority of kids I see or interact with have good manners that any parent would be proud of.

I am a parent of young kids (4 and 2) and we make it a priority to teach manners. Our youngest is just learning how to talk. He puts 2 to 4 words together now. Saying please and thank you (pleesh and tack to) were among the first words he learned. He also says bless you when anyone sneezes or coughs or burps or...well...I will leave it at that I think he learns his good manners from his older sister as much as from his parents and grandparents and teachers. His sister is extremely polite and will say things like "May I please have another glass of milk if you don't mind". We taught her please, but she figured out may instead of can (not sure how she figured that one out) and if you don't mind, all on her own.

Most of our friends have kids around our kids ages and every single one of them has good manners. All the parents we know make it a very important part of teaching their children.

 

[Andy M.]

GB that's great that your kids have polite children to interact with. It makes life easier for you guys.

It's upsetting to me to see ill-mannered children, especially in a situation with adults.

 

[shubh]

We hear about them everyday, at home and at school. But have we ever sat back and thought about “The importance of good manners. Manners are the un-enforced standards of conduct which show a person to be cultured, polite and refined. They set a standard for human behavior. If we practice good manners, we are showing people around us that we are considerate of their feelings and respectful.

 

[GrillingFool]

Well, parents have to be present to teach these things....

But overall, I think that MANNERS in America is passe. We are stuck in the
ME/Narcissistic "Generation", so being aware of and caring about common
courtesy is no longer important in this country.
If you doubt this, just go to Walmart or a grocery store and watch people's
actions. They do not, generally, consider the people around them.

As for table manners, I learned "proper" manners and table setting from 4-H
and Scouting. My parents came from family farms in Kansas and couldn't care
less about dessert spoons and 4 forks. It was something they learned later in life
when needed, but it wasn't taught at home, so they didn't either.

IMHO, the entire Formal Dinner placing and multiple silverwares and such is a bit
over done anyway.

 

[GB]

But overall, I think that MANNERS in America is passe. We are stuck in the
ME/Narcissistic "Generation", so being aware of and caring about common
courtesy is no longer important in this country.
If you doubt this, just go to Walmart or a grocery store and watch people's
actions. They do not, generally, consider the people around them.

This is where what I said before applies. That it is so interesting to see the differences in this around different regions. I can not agree with what you said about common courtesy no longer being important etc. I consistently see acts of courtesy every day and even from people whom you may not expect it. I see people at the market letting others go in front of them when they just have one or two items and they have a cart full, or letting people with kids go first if the kids look fidgety. I see people on the train give up their seats to others who look like they need it more. I see people opening doors for each other. I have even witnessed, on multiple occasions, someone reaching into their pocket and giving a stranger a quarter or dime if they were short and were searching through their pockets for change. I have seen people randomly pay the toll for the person behind them (it has happened to me). The one time I see the opposite is people who are driving. Then, often times, I see all manners go out the window. Not always though. I see people holding up traffic (even when they should not) to let a car in front of them.

 

[roadfix]

IMHO, the entire Formal Dinner placing and multiple silverwares and such is a bit
over done anyway.

I completely agree. I can give myself a quick lesson over the internet if I ever needed to refresh my memory.
Besides, our formal dining room with all its formal fixtures and settings very rarely gets used......except for Thanksgiving Day and X'mas, if we decide to stay home. I'll get better use out of that room by turning it into another den, selling my wife's fine silver & Noritakes and getting a big flat screen with the money.

 

[Celini]

This is an interesting thread. I was taught table manner at home because I grew up in Sweden. My mum had worked in a british hospital in her youth and saw it as a necessity to pass on manners at the table. We always ate together. no one left the table unless asking to be excused, only reason it was granted was to go to bathroom but she prefered if that was dealt with before hand. Everyone washed their hands before sitting down at the table.

I passed it on to my kids, four boys. which got a bit ruined by their friends an their behaviour but as small children they knew how to beahve at the table and always sat with the adults and not at the childrens table. They knew how to behave and sit still untill everone was finshed. My mum, there grandmother were proud over her grand children ans was proud to see her teaching hadn't gone on deaf ears.

I do have all the glasses for a formal dinner, china silver wear etc. Nothing wrong in that. Being ina rural comunity with a lot of people not so keen on the finer things in life i am considered "posh". With a small town with a lot of unemplyment drug addiction etc, my manners don't really fit in.

here in the UK we have a comidy called keeping up apearances, it is abbout a middle class ladie taht like the finer things in life. but have relatives that don't and is a bit of an embarisment to her aand everyone around them. Hubby think I am fussing too much. I think you can have a good standard of living without it costing a fortune if you how to buy when to buy and how to cook what you buy.

happy cooking and keep the good work up.

Good manners cost nothing you might gain a new friend for life.

Cheers CC

 

[licia]

I enjoy "Keepin up Appearances". Hyacinth is a real snob but I see so many things in her that I've seen in people I've known that it is really fun to watch her. I do want to slap her when she makes poor Richard's life a mess. She does so many things to appear uppish and makes everyone around her miserable and wants to escape her. A good lesson for us in using our manners. After all, the most mannerly person is one who makes everyone else comfortable - a good rule to live by.

 

[Celini]

I do enjoy that show but I don't get too much over top or try not to anyways.

I have the more down to earth hubby to keep me on solid ground and he is good as a weight, he is nice to hold on to when there is a storm He is 6' and loves me to bits but he also thinks I am a bit over the top at times and tells me to cook something simple for once

 

[Claire]

I'm bringing this one back up, partially because I'm writing about manners in a column an am simply curious about others' experiences. I wrote table and "otherwise" because table manners are the worse experiences ... going to an expensive restaurant for a special occaision, after 7, so we aren't talking family hour, and quite literally having to move my feet because children were playing under my table. This wasn't a chain restaurant (and I love some of them for lunch, don't get me wrong) but a place where we were going to pay well over $100 for dinner for two with a decent wine, and we're going to look evil because our anniversary dinner is spent with children under our table and we're not crazy about it. We must hate children. Huh? This was many (say 10) years ago, and in a relatively small town (Daytona). I'm sure the same dinner would cost over twice that now. We wound up gobbling our expensive meal, expensive wine, and running away to a dark bar where we had an after dinner cocktail, and ran home.

When I talk basic manners, I'm talking stupid stuff like when you take your kids out to dinner, especially at a place that isn't specifically meant for children, keeping them at your table and the local environs. Not screaming around the restaurant, tripping the wait staff.

Basic manners at a young age means staying in your seat. And basic parent manners means not taking the children to places they are not capable of coping with.

 

[GB]

I am just going to play devils advocate for a moment Claire, but first let me say for the record that I basically agree with everything you said. Now onto the devil part

As to keeping kids in their seats, that is an issue we have with our 2 year old son right now. It is exceedingly hard to keep him in his seat, even at home. It is something we have been actively working on with him for a long long time, but he wins the battle more than we do it seems. My daughter was always perfect in restaurants. People would often come up to us to compliment us on how well she behaved (better than many adults), but the same can not be said for our son. Because of this we hardly ever go out to eat any more, but there are times when you just need to do it. We took a road trip to NY for a family affair last weekend. We had to stop for a meal on the way so we were forced to go to a restaurant. He was horrible in there. He refused to sit in his seat. This was a very loud, very busy place with wait staff walking all over the place at fast pace carrying large platters. Not the type of place you want a 2 year old running around. As often happens now we ended up having one parent eat while the other was outside with him and then switching. BUT (and this goes to my point) there are times when he is a perfect angel and sits properly and behaves. You never know which little boy you are going to get. Now my case is extreme as we usually know he will be bad so we usually do not go out, but there are others who maybe usually behave, but sometimes don't. They are kids after all. There is no way to predict how they will act. I am not saying that kids playing under the table is acceptable. It is not. What you experienced though could have been the exception to the rule though and you just happened to pick the unlucky night to go out when they acted that way.

 

[roadfix]

When I took my wife to Japan during our honeymoon many many years ago one of the things I wanted her to experience was the typical ramen shop, located at practically every street corner. She was absolutely turned off and disgusted by all the loud slurping that were going on. While she was enjoying the bowl of ramen I had to explain to her that the proper way to eat ramen was to slurp (but not with spaghetti) and this was ok while she was in Japan, but I told her never to do this in the states, otherwise, I'd be the one getting embarrassed....

 

[LadyCook61]

Actually I learned it in Home Ec class in Junior High years ago.

 

[roadfix]

Actually I learned it in Home Ec class in Junior High years ago.

About slurping?

 

[Claire]

GB, I'm not talking about a dinner at a family restaurant at family times. Believe me, I have three sisters who among them have 8 children. When I go to dinner at family-oriented restaurants before 7 p.m., this is what I expect. When I was a child we ate out fairly often (we were military and ate out more than most) we weren't allowed to leave the table. Heck, we weren't allowed to leave the dinner table at home until excused, but I do recognize that those days are gone forever. However, I do believe that people do know and recognize their own children, and simply should not bring them to pricy restaurants beyond the children's abilities at hours when they are least able to deal with it all. If you cannot afford a babysitter, maybe you can't afford to go out ... or just choose a reasonable hour and a place where most people have children ... there are so many good choices for family restaurants nowadays, where Mom and Dad can get a decent meal, and the kids aren't so bored stiff that they mis-behave. And children being taken out to dinner when they really should be (and normally are) in bed? Everyone knows that at a certain point children are fussy because they are tired. But allowing your children to play under a table where others are trying to eat just doesn't cut it. And it wasn't just one isolated event.

 

[roadfix]

But generally speaking, I think most of my good mannerisms came not from home, but from my attending parochial school. I attended Catholic schools from nursery through grade 6. And no, we were not Catholic.

 

[LadyCook61]

About slurping?

not slurping setting the table correctly.