Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
He did, as soon as she got her diagnosis on breast cancer. Her doctor DID NOT send her to an oncologist, he was just going to do the surgery to remove the tumor, nothing else. It took me convincing Dad that NOTHING should be done until she saw an Oncologist. By then 4 weeks had passed and he had 5 months left of family leave. She got started on chemo and radiation and the surgery took place. Dad did fine, two moths into that and it was discovered she had ovarian cancer, too. Another surgery, more chemo and radiation and Dad decided he couldn't keep up the pace and needed time at work for his own sanity. He doesn't do well sitting around waiting. It's very important for caregivers to realize they need rest too.
We talked it over and I would go down on his days on the job every other week. I'd leave here on Monday and come home on Thursday, being chauffeur to appointments and work for Mom. I'd drop off the van for Dad at the airport, sometimes we were able to meet at the airport and have dinner, catch him up on what was going on with Mom. It worked fine and Mom was able to keep going to work as she wanted and make all her appointments, but she wasn't allowed to drive because she was so anemic that she would collapse.
I lasted about 4 months (I got exhausted) and then it was almost done. Dad took the last month he had available for family leave. Mom has now finished all of her treatments and has been cancer free for 6 years.
I talked my daughter into joining a support group for herself. It was the best decision she ever made. Wish I could get my hands on your Mon's doctor. IDIOT! We are very lucky here in Boston. We have some of the world's top oncologists. And we are one of the world's top medical centers. Any PCP would be a dang fool to play with their patients life. As soon as a lump is found, they pick up the phone and send the patient right over to the Dana Farber Cancer Center. No messing around. There is someone waiting there for them at the ER entrance.
My sil saw his doctor at 8 a.m. and was in the oncologist's office at ten. I still remember getting the call from my daughter. Her husband called her at work with the news. She was so upset, she couldn't drive home. I told her to take a cab, and I would pay for it when she got home. She gave the keys to her car to a fellow co-worker she trusted. Another followed her and then drove her back to work. The word spread quickly and my daughter had the total support of everyone in her work. The more support you have, the better able you are to handle all the rough times. My sil was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It started in his groin and by the time he was diagnosed it was in his neck. They attacked it so aggressively with radiation and chemo. Like your mother, he too has been cancer free for more than six years. But the heavy concentration of chemo destroyed his ability to stand on his legs for any length of time. He was an iron worker. To have to retire on disability almost destroyed him as much as the chemo.
He had been working since he was 16 y.o. I lived downstairs from my daughter. Sometimes I would be out in the yard with just her, and sometimes him. So I got to have some real heart to heart talks with each of them. Stuff they didn't want to burden the other with. I never violated their trust. One day when my daughter was at work, he broke down and started crying. He just poured out his heart to me. All I could do was just be there for him. Again, that support thing. His union was able to find him a position of teaching the newest members of the union, welding. So two nights a weeks, he is able to earn some money along with his disability check. So he had the support of his union. My daughter also would come down to my apartment and break down. You just sit there and let the tears flow.
When my mother was diagnosed in 1965, there was only one machine in all of Boston for radiation. It was at MIT. And chemo was a whole new unknown field. I was her only support. I went back and forth with her five days a week, and I had four small kids. My sister lived too far away. Thank heavens for research and support groups. .
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I looked for "Midnight Oil Cafe" about a year ago, but couldn't find it. Thanks for dusting it off, msm.
