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Old 04-27-2014, 03:04 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Roll_Bones View Post
...Good point Andy. I think I was using them (wife and sisters) as my way out of the job I have signed up for.
However, no matter, they will all know in no time. My MIL has a way of talking and telling everyone whats up.
You're not going to stop her from talking about it. By that time, it's a done deal. I think it's more important they are not involved in the discussions and setting the terms. In fact, they shouldn't even know that's happening.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:14 PM   #12
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If you pay your bills with home banking through your financial institution, you can get a list of your last 12 recurring bills such as utilities, from the Bill Pay application to figure out an average. That's how I calculate my home office tax deduction.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:25 PM   #13
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You're not going to stop her from talking about it. By that time, it's a done deal. I think it's more important they are not involved in the discussions and setting the terms. In fact, they shouldn't even know that's happening.
Really?? I couldn't disagree more strongly. I think you'd feel differently had you been in my position. See my previous story.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:32 PM   #14
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The frist thing you should do is contact the Electric company to see if you can get a Medical Baseline Discount because of the oxygen machine. I get 20% because of my CPAP machine.

After that, sit down with your bills and create an estimation of how much more it's going to cost for her to live there; utilities, groceries, transportation, etc. and give her that figure. As a ball park figure, take your existing expenses and increase them by 1/3. Then keep track for 3 to 6 months to ascertain the exact amount your expenses have increased and recalculate as required. Just remember that your expenses, especially utilities, will generally be higher in the winter than in the summer.
Sound advice. All I'd add would be to sit her down with you while you do the working out. That way, at a later date if she starts to lose the plot or there is a difference of opinion on an unconnected issue, she can't accuse you of exploiting her. I'm sure she wouldn't and you wouldn't but it's as well to have everything in the open from the start
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:42 PM   #15
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Great advice. Especially the Electric discount! I will check on it next week.



Its the actual amount and talking to her about it, that bothers me. My wife has two other sisters that cannot help even though they both live nearby. Maybe I can talk to them (all three) and see what they think would be fair.



Exactly. I do not want to come off as money hungry, but expenses are expenses. So, sooner or later we will have to discuss this.
I agree that my wife should be the one along with her two sisters that could not help in this regard.

Thanks Andy also.
I don't think I'd involve the sisters at all unless they are going to chip in with the dollars. After all, you and DW will have all the extra responsibility and upheaval. It's between you, DW and MiL and no-one else's beeswax.

Look at it this way. If you were 3 friends sharing a house you'd be having this discussion without embarrassment so try and think of it in those terms.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:55 PM   #16
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I'm sure you'll be as fair as possible John. Even though the sisters can't financially contribute, it's important all the sisters agree on the amount before talking with her.

My own story is a case in point. My half brother and his wife took in our father. My brother is a bit of a wimp, and when his money hungry wife said they needed Dad's entire Social Security check turned over to them, my brother went along with it. Dad made a very good living all his life and the check was far more than the cost of his care. They gave him a small "spending money" allowance from it like he was a child. He's gone now, and that was over thirty years ago. Needless to say, it still sticks in my craw.
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Really?? I couldn't disagree more strongly. I think you'd feel differently had you been in my position. See my previous story.

Kayelle, I'm not sure what your point is. Please explain.

First of all, RB and his wife are willing to help but realize there is a financial impact. Mom has some resources so should be willing to contribute.

What input could the SILs have that would be relevant? They don't know RB's financial situation (and he shouldn't have to share it) and may not know all of mom's. I don't see this as a situation where mom's money needs to be protected by the SILs because RB and his wife are "money hungry" and a "wimp" as in your previous story.

Unless the SILs are being asked to help financially, they should not be involved.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:59 PM   #17
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Just thought of something when I was re-reading the comment about the electricity discount. Will you be able to get any tax rebate/discount/incentive because you will be effectively unpaid carers even though MiL is contributing to the household expenses? If it's possiblity you will have to make it quite clear that you are not profiting by her contributions. It's worth enquiring.

Do you have anything like a citizens' Advice Bureau or a carers' helpline that you could speak to to find out what's what?
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:07 PM   #18
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Just thought of something when I was re-reading the comment about the electricity discount. Will you be able to get any tax rebate/discount/incentive because you will be effectively unpaid carers even though MiL is contributing to the household expenses? If it's possiblity you will have to make it quite clear that you are not profiting by her contributions. It's worth enquiring.

Do you have anything like a citizens' Advice Bureau or a carers' helpline that you could speak to to find out what's what?

Good point. If you contribute more than 50% of your MIL's care you can take her as a dependent on your tax return.
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:11 PM   #19
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Just thought of something when I was re-reading the comment about the electricity discount. Will you be able to get any tax rebate/discount/incentive because you will be effectively unpaid carers even though MiL is contributing to the household expenses? If it's possiblity you will have to make it quite clear that you are not profiting by her contributions. It's worth enquiring.

Do you have anything like a citizens' Advice Bureau or a carers' helpline that you could speak to to find out what's what?
Most jurisdictions have an area agency on aging that provides free information and advice on situations like this.
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:15 PM   #20
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Re help-lines I just searched and I found this

Full Circle of Care Caregiver Website

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