My Dad.

[LPBeier]

Today would have been my parents' 65th wedding anniversary. My Mom passed away 18 years ago next month and today we had my Dad assessed for hospice/palliative care. It has been quite a day.

After several phone calls with doctors, case managers, care coordinators, my sister and a bedside chat with Dad, it has been decided that he is not palliative at this time; however, he is ready for long term care. Dad is okay with this and I, as his primary caregiver for the last three years do feel it is time - for all our sakes.

When this happens I don't know. The care coordinator doesn't seem in any hurry to have him leave, but at the same time we are paying a lot of money (Dad's money) for extra care that her staff can't provide. I am at my pain clinic tomorrow, but hopefully my sister can get hold of the case manager who works out of the facility he is in now to do the assessment soon and get him on "the list".

On top of all of this, I had to start phoning people regarding Dad. His original cleaning lady just happened to be back with the company temporarily and was so excited to come and see him she traded with our current one, only to find out he wasn't here and was doing poorly. He has gone to a senior's day program for the last 2 years and I had to tell them he would not be back. They cried and asked me to please keep them posted. Even the scheduler for our care workers broke down when I told her and she said his two workers have been asking when would he be back.

But tonight I am, for the first time in at least a month, feel a huge calm coming over me. Soon things will be settled. Soon he will at least know this is where he will be for however long he is still in this world. He was not feeling well at all when I saw him but he seemed brighter and finding it easier to cope. That means a lot to me.

If you had told me three years ago I would be dealing with all I have been I don't think I would have brought him home......so I am sure glad I didn't know then.

 

[GB]

{{{{{{{{Laurie}}}}}}}} I am sending you as much love and support as you can stand.

 

[LPBeier]

{{{{{{{{Laurie}}}}}}}} I am sending you as much love and support as you can stand.

Thanks, GB, I can take all you've got! I feel so loved and supported by you and all my dear friends here as well as my church community and extended family.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

More hugs, Laurie! This has to be a big relief for you and for your Dad, to finally know what is going to happen. Here for you!

 

[LPBeier]

More hugs, Laurie! This has to be a big relief for you and for your Dad, to finally know what is going to happen. Here for you!

Thanks your Ogreness! Can you tell me how to get around a unit Care Coordinator who seems to hold all the cards and wants to dig her heels in on getting this going?

 

[PrincessFiona60]

Thanks your Ogreness! Can you tell me how to get around a unit Care Coordinator who seems to hold all the cards and wants to dig her heels in on getting this going?

Talk to her boss. This should not be a long process, she only seems to hold the cards, there are others who can get the ball rolling for you!

 

[Addie]

Thanks your Ogreness! Can you tell me how to get around a unit Care Coordinator who seems to hold all the cards and wants to dig her heels in on getting this going?

It is usually the last piece of advice I would give anyone. But go over her head. Everybody has a boss. Let her boss know she is dragging her heels. And try to make it sound like you are running out of money. No hospital wants to care for a patient that is going to cost them big bucks. Team medicine is great. But every so often you get a kink in that team. And it sounds like the CC is that kink. You will make an enemy of her. But your primary concern is your father. Good Luck! Prayers are in the flow right now.

 

[Addie]

Talk to her boss. This should not be a long process, she only seems to hold the cards, there are others who can get the ball rolling for you!

We are of the same mind. That is scary.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

We are of the same mind. That is scary.

Obviously we have some of the same life experiences...you on one side and me on the other! So, you said you are how old and you think like a 51 year old...

 

[Addie]

Obviously we have some of the same life experiences...you on one side and me on the other! So, you said you are how old and you think like a 51 year old...

73 next month. I have been through so much medically, that I am almost an expert. I have lost count of the number of surgeries I have had. The first one when I was three hours old. I was a preemie with a lot of health problems. My adnoids were down near the flare of my nostrils instead of up at the top of the nose. As you know, babies breath through their nose. I couldn't breath. I still have the scar in the roof of my mouth were they went in to remove my adnoids. At three months mastoids were removed from both ears. From there tonsils, I&D's. Too many to keep track of. And just too many more to remember. But I still have my mine. I think.

 

[LPBeier]

Thanks, Addie and Fiona - for the advice and the humour!

I can actually go side-ways instead of up! There is a case manager who will be doing the actual assessment and we really like her. My sister called since I wrote that bit and said that she will call this case manager tomorrow and say that we can't afford $240 per day for someone to do the job the care coordinator's staff should be doing so could she give us an idea of when Dad can be assessed and put on the list, and how long a wait. Then I am going to cut back the care worker to just one or two four hour periods when Dad needs her the most and let the unit staff do the rest.

This has actually been really good for my relationship with my sister. We are working together and are closer than we have every been. That in itself would make my Dad happy!

 

[Addie]

Thanks, Addie and Fiona - for the advice and the humour!

I can actually go side-ways instead of up! There is a case manager who will be doing the actual assessment and we really like her. My sister called since I wrote that bit and said that she will call this case manager tomorrow and say that we can't afford $240 per day for someone to do the job the care coordinator's staff should be doing so could she give us an idea of when Dad can be assessed and put on the list, and how long a wait. Then I am going to cut back the care worker to just one or two four hour periods when Dad needs her the most and let the unit staff do the rest.

This has actually been really good for my relationship with my sister. We are working together and are closer than we have every been. That in itself would make my Dad happy!

Glad to hear the good news. Money always talks. And I am happy about you and your sister. As you get older, you slowly realize what is and what's not important in life. Family is always at the top of the list of "what is."

 

[PrincessFiona60]

Thanks, Addie and Fiona - for the advice and the humour!

I can actually go side-ways instead of up! There is a case manager who will be doing the actual assessment and we really like her. My sister called since I wrote that bit and said that she will call this case manager tomorrow and say that we can't afford $240 per day for someone to do the job the care coordinator's staff should be doing so could she give us an idea of when Dad can be assessed and put on the list, and how long a wait. Then I am going to cut back the care worker to just one or two four hour periods when Dad needs her the most and let the unit staff do the rest.

This has actually been really good for my relationship with my sister. We are working together and are closer than we have every been. That in itself would make my Dad happy!

Perfect, Laurie!

 

[CWS4322]

Laurie--I am sending you positive energy. Like so many here, I am also sharing your pain. It is so very hard to be in the position you are in. I'm so glad you came back to DC so that we could be here for you at this difficult time. Hugs and prayers.

 

[Claire]

For what it is worth, thank your lucky stars that your father is OK with having to have full time care. If I had a dime for every older friend or relative who resented any help whatsoever, I'd be rich. They are so (and, to some degree, I can sympathize) resentful of every loss of autonomy that they make themselves sick and everyone around them miserable. In other words, believe it or not, things can be worse. I hope all goes well, my thoughts are with you,

 

[Andy M.]

Laurie, it's a good thing this is falling into place for you and your dad. The pressure on you has been huge. We will keep you all in our thoughts.

 

[buckytom]

that's great about you and your sister, lp. i'm sure would want nothing more than to see his family together.

 

[simonbaker]

My prayers are with your family during this difficult time.

 

[jabbur]

Laurie, hoping that things are continuing to improve for you and your dad. It's always hard to see our parents declining. Your dad sounds like mine. When in pain, nothing is right and he can be really mean and say hurtful things. Praying that the meds and the placement are coming together for him and for you.

 

[jonnyjonny_uk]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!