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Old 03-08-2006, 03:34 PM   #71
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No poetry, but here's a funny story I wrote about my misadventures. Some backstory: My daily driver is a Scion xB, and I have a Miata for fun. Mizzphinz drives a Honda Pilot.

Anyway, here's the story. I wrote this and distributed it all over. My wife wound up sending it to all her friends and family.

**********************
One afternoon on a really lazy Saturday about a month ago my wife decided she wanted to drive the Box to run her errands. I was at home doing my usual nothing, still in my pajamas, so I tossed her the keys and said, "Have fun!"

She goes out to the car, gets situated and drives off. I had no sooner sat back down at the upstairs computer when I got a frantic call from her.
"I'm in the driveway. Your car started making this beeping sound which got faster and faster!"

She's thinking she blew something up, or was driving with the parking brake on (her Pilot beeps if you leave the brake on while driving) but she can't figure out where the sound is coming from. "It sounded like it was coming from the dashboard."

I put a jacket on and go out to the car. It's *freezing* outside, so I really don't want to spend much time out there.

"Let me drive the beeping car around the block and see if I can get it to beep again." Off I go in my flannel pajama pants, slippers, Manchurian Candidate sweatshirt and leather bomber jacket, down the road in my BCP Box, trying my ****edest to get the thing to beep at me.

No dice. I pitch the car through turns with gusto. I pull the parking brake one notch and accelerate. I brake hard. I do anything I can think of to try and upset the balance of the car, but there's no beeping. I crank the stereo up, but doubt that will do anything other than make my ears bleed.

Nothing. No beeps.

By the time I get back, shaking my head to the negative, she's standing in the garage with a dumbfounded look on her face. I root around in the glovebox, get the owner's manual out, start reading it and roll down the window to talk to her. Did I mention it was freezing out?

"What were you doing when the beeping happened?"

"Driving."

"No crap? Duh. OK. Did you have the brake on?"

"Not that I know of. The beeping brake light wasn't on."

I go through all the things I can think of with her. She's dancing in the cold and finally says, "Can I get in the beeping car? It's beeping freezing out here."

"Sure."

We talk about it. The car doesn't beep any more while I'm sitting out there. I go inside and she leaves to run her errands. She has no beeping problems the rest of the day. I have no issues with the beeping car when I make my daily drive to and from work.

Fast forward a couple of weeks or so. I'm on the way home from running out to work on a Sunday. It's about 3ish in the afternoon, and I'm toodling through the construction zone on the interstate near my house when this beeping starts. It starts out slow, but then gets beeping insistent. I'm trying to locate the source of the sound. The beep is starting to sound like the countdown to a bomb going off.

Picture this balding, slightly overweight, middle-aged, bearded white guy desperately trying to maintain speed on the interstate in a busy construction zone while trying frantically to locate the source of a beeping sound in the dashboard area. I'm doing everything but unbuckling and climbing into the passenger seat.

Opening the glovebox. Opening the box under the radio. It sounds like it's coming from the middle of the dash, or somewhere under the dash. I can't pull off of the road because there's no shoulder. All the while the beeping is getting faster and faster. I'm afraid the next thing I'll hear is, "This Scion will self-destruct in 5 seconds."

I'm desperately trying to get to an exit so that I can stop the car and figure out the beeping problem.

Then the beeping stops. It doesn't slow down. It just *stops.* Nothing. No hint of sound. Nada. By this time I'm at my exit, so I head on home in a hurry.

As I'm driving up the hill that separates my road from the main highway it dawns on me. I know what it is, and boy don't I feel like a beeping idiot. I get home, unlock all the doors and open the passenger side door. I look around in the floorboard and glove box. Then I reach under the seat.

My beepin' alarm clock from work is under the seat. I had put it in the Box so that I could take it home and put some pictures in its frames. It had been going off every day at 3:16, but I'm rarely in the car at that time.

Moral of the story? There isn't one. I'm just a beeping idiot.
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Old 03-08-2006, 03:39 PM   #72
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my new mexican faves-
"welcome to taco bell, malp you?"
and "don't you want a gum?"

As much fun as this is, and as much laughing I'm doing I gotta go for now. Need to take my kids on a drive to get them to fall asleep fast and I can have some peace. I'll's check's back's in a little bit!

Thanks for making my day, everyone!
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Old 03-08-2006, 03:45 PM   #73
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Also, I am enjoying the poetry out there! Please, phinz, Buckytom, Z and Lefse, post more!

Oh...and I was going to do a limerick for Tom, but realized I just shouldn't be rhyming "bucky".[/quote]
Oh no please, no rhyming with that. I remember the Name Game song, no mention of Chuck anywhere!
[quote=corazon90]my new mexican faves-
"welcome to taco bell, malp you?"
and "don't you want a gum?"

There's something about Texas in that people there on the phone say, "Hode on" Or, "I tode you already". What 'is' hode or tode?
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Old 03-08-2006, 03:46 PM   #74
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Great story phinz! Sounds like something from a Steve Martin movie.
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Old 03-08-2006, 05:06 PM   #75
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[QUOTE=buckytom]corinne, you gave out pacifiers?
fantastic, that's just phenomenal!!!!!!
QUOTE]

I KNOW!!!!! It was awesome & amazing, too!!!

C
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:37 AM   #76
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pdswife
Do any of you write poetry?
I do write poetry. I love it. One of my pet peeves is name calling. I just hate it when I have a disagreement with someone and they call me(or other people) names instead of understanding that we are all different and just because other people disagree with them doesn't make them bad people. why can't people just disagree fairly instead of calling others names.
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Old 03-09-2006, 06:28 AM   #77
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My biggest are the kids now days.
1- They dress like slobs or half dressed with undies showing, clothings that are huge on them and hanging down to their knees but their undies hanging out at the top.
All the piercings and tatoos on young ones.
Im not againest piering and tatoos -I never have one, and yes i do have my ear pierce one each. but they are getting younger doing it. Later in life when they grow up and decide how stupid that was they can't do anything with it. Without a large process and money
2- They are the Instant Gradification Generation.
Meaning they don't care if they can't afford it - they want it- they don't have any idea to save for what they want. I remember saving for something and the gradfication i got when i went to buy it. I not that old either.
A friend of ours, son won't drive a used vehicle, can't be seen it by the chicks, he wants a 40,000 truck he's working in a mall for 8.00 an hour. Asked how you going to pay for it he said i don't care i want it.
They have no money in the bank. or even look to the future. they live day to day.
That is a scarey thought when they are our future.
Yes I have a Child - She use to be good about saving and planning things, She was taught to work for things and hard work pays off, We weren't real strick either, we just showed how to do it. When she moved out on her own she was doing great then I don't know what happened. She is now again realizing her errors .
What a question to ask better quit here I could go on .
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Old 03-09-2006, 07:59 AM   #78
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Excellent story, phinz! I'm really enjoying this whole thread!

Corazon, I get "malp you?" (that's beautiful, lol!), but I can't figure you "don't you want a gum?"

Lee
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Old 03-09-2006, 12:32 PM   #79
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Originally Posted by QSis
Excellent story, phinz! I'm really enjoying this whole thread!

Corazon, I get "malp you?" (that's beautiful, lol!), but I can't figure you "don't you want a gum?"

Lee
"Would you like a piece of gum?" = "Don't you want a gum?"
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Old 03-09-2006, 09:34 PM   #80
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jikoni
I do write poetry. I love it. One of my pet peeves is name calling. I just hate it when I have a disagreement with someone and they call me(or other people) names instead of understanding that we are all different and just because other people disagree with them doesn't make them bad people. why can't people just disagree fairly instead of calling others names.
Jikoni,
maybe they call names because they don't have the smarts to state their view..It's easier to unload mean names than use the old noggin..I almost pity the poor things..But I have found that walking away from them usually puts a damper on all the fun they are having...

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