Need advice - did I maybe offend somebody?

[Claire]

This is near and dear to my heart. When I am throwing my big, annual Christmas party, the more the merrier. But if we're going to sit down, or for meals where you make individual servings, you need an accurate head count. Your freinds were rude in bringing others without talking to you first. I don't think you were offensive, they were. I entertain quite a bit, and yes, there are times when I'm happy to have everyone and their siblings and freinds. But they always call me first, or I let them know that it is "open house" or "invited only". I don't think that is rude .... for heaven's sake it is my (your) home and if you're like me, you are entertaining more than your guests do.

 

[texasgirl]

The ones that were there last time, will know exactly who you were addressing. Not rude at all and I'm sure that the ones that went without, are pleased you did this. Don't worry about it anymore. Have your lovely party and have fun with your friends.

 

[VeraBlue]

Not at all! Your letter was polite, succinct and direct. If someone is offended, it says more about their character than yours.

 

[buckytom]

i'll be there at half past six so we get in on the good grub, ok?




your note was polite and to the point, so not to worry.


umm, just make sure the food doesn't suck, now that you made such a big deal about it...he hee.

 

[Lynd]

Now..... where's my invite

MK you've opened the flood gates now

 

[*amy*]

When I am invited to a party, dinner or otherwise, I do not bring extra people along, unless the invite says plus one, or consult the host. I, politely, would have taken her aside, at the time, & explained your concerns. Don't know how the initial invite went out - word of mouth, email, or RSVP. Perhaps the friend felt comfortable enough with your past generosity to bring a bunch along. Still not appropriate. Only you know your friends. I, like Claire, need a headcount, & prefer an RSVP to plan my dinner (amounts), seating etc. Perhaps, in the future, you could send out invites & state the purpose of the party/get together (if you wish), time, & a number to RSVP. I can imagine it was just as embarassing to you & your friends, to come up short because of the thoughtlessness of others. I wouldn't fret about it now. Just have a great time.

 

[DramaQueen]

No one with any class would bring 4 extra people uninvited to a party of ANY kind. Karen, I think you stated your point clearly and very politely. No one can fault you for that. You did good. Don't stress over it.

 

[jpmcgrew]

You did the right thing MK as for me I would have been livid through out the whole party. What they did was really thoughtless. Where I live 45 miles from town my parties are usually just for some of the people that live here. If it was planned ahead and they get company which always involves spending the night at their house my friends will call first to ask permission, so far I have been able to accomodate as I usually make more than enough food but none would just show up with more people with out asking first. If I have a party that is an open house then it's a pot luck and I will make a big pot of chili for frito pies or something like that and out come the paper plates, bowls, etc. After all I want to have fun to.

 

[GB]

I can not add anything further to what everyone has already said. I know if I got an invitation worded the way you worded yours I would not have any issue with it at all. I would not even think twice about it.

I think the person who brought extra people was terribly rude and should be ashamed of themselves.

 

[Constance]

I have a friend who has always felt free to bring extra people along without calling first. I don't mind when we're having a big hog fest and have plenty of extra food, but her choice of friends is sometimes questionable, and she's brought a few guests that I wished she'd left home.
One evening we were having a fish fry, and Kim was cooking the fish out in the pole barn in his propane deep fryer. Several of the guests were out there with him, while I was in the kitchen getting the rest of the food on the table. I happened to look out the window to see my friend headed for her truck with a big foil-covered plate. She wanted to make sure she and her husband had enough fish for lunch the next day, and took so much there was barely enough to go around for the rest of us.
Thing being, although she's a greedy little pig, she's also a dear friend in so many ways that I just overlook it. Kim did tell her not to bring her friend the coke dealer again.

One time, when we were partying out on the deck in the hot tub, I had another friend who went in to get himself a beer. When he didn't come back for a long while, I went in looking for him, and found he'd discovered the boiled shrimp chilling in the fridge and had eaten almost all of them.

In the case of my first friend...she grew up very poor in a large family, and her motto became, "You snooze, you lose." I also don't think anyone ever taught her any manners except her husband.

The second friend didn't have that excuse. He was just greedy.

I think you handled your situation very well. Some people just don't know their manners.

 

[QSis]

Karen, it was a great email!

Tell us if she replies, okay?

I know someone like your friend. She would say, "I see that you said you needed to know an exact number of guests, so can you add four more? I'd like to bring the same four people I brought last time". Seriously.

Lee

 

[GotGarlic]

Hi, Karen. I agree with all of the above - you did the right thing, politely, and where's my invitation?

 

[*amy*]

... I know someone like your friend. She would say, "I see that you said you needed to know an exact number of guests, so can you add four more? I'd like to bring the same four people I brought last time". Seriously.

Lee

Karen, understand your frustration. Think we've all been there, to some degree & all feel your pain.

Puts me in mind of that Mary Tyler Moore episode. Mary is having a special dinner party. Sue Ann Nivens is making her Veal Orloff for 6 guests. Rhoda shows up with an uninvited guest (Henry Winkler), & Mary seats them at a separate table. Then, Lou Grant helps himself to HALF the veal orloff... & Mary whispers, "Mr. Grant, you've taken half, we only have enough for six." Lou puts half back. Again, just let it go, and have a fab party.

 

[roadfix]

If it were my wife she would be very blunt and tell that guest that her friends are not included on the guest list and will not be included.

 

[MexicoKaren]

Oh, you guys are just the best!!! I cannot imagine a better dinner party than one with all of YOU as guests...if it could only be so! Wouldn't we have a great time? Thanks so much for taking the time to give me some valuable and reassuring words. I'll let you know what happens.....now, I have to start roasting poblanos......

 

[CharlieD]

I ahve friends like that, they always bring their parents with them. I hate that. I've stop inviting them and if I do I tell them straight out not to bring anybody. So, comapare to me you were Very, and I mean Very nice. If somebody gets offended let them not to come. That's just my 2 cents.

 

[luvs]

i wouldn't be offended by your letter. she imposed on you.

 

[MexicoKaren]

I have now had an email response from the offender, who assures me that she and her partner will show up alone - just the two of them. And it was quite friendly, I think. (sigh of relief)

 

[Constance]

You did good, Girl!

 

[Barbara L]

I just saw this. I agree with everyone else. I hope your party goes well. Let us know!

Barbara