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Old 03-06-2013, 11:47 AM   #21
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You're a good and warmhearted person Medtran. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

I get how much it hurts. Doesn't matter if mom is 80 or 48, she is still your mom and there is the expectation of different treatment. I've been there. If you need an ear to vent, find me. I'm here.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Robin Williams
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Old 03-06-2013, 12:59 PM   #22
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Medtran, All I can tell you is what finally worked for me. I had an extremely difficult Mother who was a hateful, hurtful, uncaring, narcissistic individual. Her own mother was also difficult towards her. My Mother treated all three of her daughters with the same disdain. She would call us on the phone, which we got skillful at ending the conversation quickly, or she would write us venomous letters. I usually ignored her letters. Finally, since ignoring her letters was not working for her or me, I chose to write her a letter. I started and ended the letter with the same idea, Mother, no matter what you say to me or what you do to me, I will always love you. In between those sentiments, I explained why the things she wrote to me were untrue and hurtful, item by item, mostly from the last few letters she had written to me. It took me a few days to get the courage to mail her the letter, but I did. What happened next was totally unexpected. My Mother called me to apologize profusely and repeatedly. She said she had no idea the things she was saying/writing to me were hurtful. Now I found that unbelievable that she could not understand that, but that was how her twisted mind worked. I think writing the letter to her gave her a chance to reflect on her behavior, before we next talked on the phone.

Good luck with however you approach this problem.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead
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Old 03-06-2013, 01:08 PM   #23
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Reading this made me think what a wonderful person my Mother is. What a lucky person I am to have such mother. G-d bless her.
You are what you eat.
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Old 03-06-2013, 03:32 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by CharlieD View Post
Reading this made me think what a wonderful person my Mother is. What a lucky person I am to have such mother. G-d bless her.
I agree Charlie. I was fortunate to have a wonderful mom. I hope I have been able to half the mother to my boys as she was to me. I'm sorry you are having such problems. I agree with those who say to write your thoughts down. Whether you share it with her or not will be your choice but sometimes writing it out helps you to organize your thoughts. You can look back over the way you phrased things and evaluate whether you have hit the topics in the way you want. When we converse with someone, our emotions can take over or we respond to their words in ways that can be difficult to control. It is then we end up saying things we don't mean and become hurt and hurtful. If you decide to share it, be prepared for every possible reaction from her.

I hope you can resolve this in a way that helps you.
I could give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!
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Old 03-07-2013, 12:37 AM   #25
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i would go with a radical approach. well, not really radical, but from a tack that she wouldn't know how to handle that should bring you both peace and closure.

tell her that you already know she took them (a bluff) but you forgive her. you know that she was doing it for her own good reasons (which gives her an out).

when she denies it or presses you for how your know, just confidently say you know but can't tell her exactly because of what she did. repeat that you forgive her, and maybe even find that you really do in your heart.

even if she plays hard ball and never capitulates, you've done all you can do and can have your catharsis in the matter. firstly, they're only wordly possesions that haven't been lost, and secondly, you've both opened and strengthened your heart well beyond what pain your mom can cause youu; now, in the past, and for the future.

in nomine patri, et fili, et spiritus sancti.
beidh ar la linn.
wisdom is often in short supply within ones' ego.
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