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Old 03-02-2008, 10:07 AM   #1
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Never Ask A Mississippi GrandMa

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they arenít prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, youíve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize youíll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

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Old 03-02-2008, 10:45 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Bob View Post
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they arenít prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, youíve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize youíll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

hahaha good one !
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:31 AM   #3
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I think that could work for any small town grandmother.

Every time I see our local top dog drug enforcement officer, I have to chuckle, remembering how, as a teenager, everyone called him "Weed" because he was usually stoned.
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:38 AM   #4
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That is hilarious Uncle Bob!!

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Originally Posted by Constance View Post


I think that could work for any small town grandmother.

Every time I see our local top dog drug enforcement officer, I have to chuckle, remembering how, as a teenager, everyone called him "Weed" because he was usually stoned.
yeap!! I would love to live in a small to town to see what kids end up as.
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Old 03-02-2008, 07:03 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Bob View Post
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they arenít prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, youíve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize youíll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
Haha, was that a joke or did it actually happen?
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Old 03-02-2008, 07:08 PM   #6
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Haha, was that a joke or did it actually happen?
It's probably happened more times than we can count.

I was watching a trial one time and when still in the jury picking stage one "grandma" stated - you don't want me 'cause if this is what is clogging up our systems it's absolutely ridiculous!!!
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Old 03-02-2008, 09:00 PM   #7
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Careful what you ask for, LOL. And growing up in a small town, I know how they feel!
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:48 PM   #8
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lol!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-03-2008, 01:58 AM   #9
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Loved it!! Thanks for posting, Uncle Bob!
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Old 03-03-2008, 08:04 PM   #10
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A few years ago James got a speeding ticket for a speed he wasn't even close to driving (I was there, and I know). When he mentioned it to his boss, his boss said he would talk to the judge's mother and it would be taken care of.

Barbara
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