No kids, how come?

[Maverick2272]

Anyone have inlaws or outlaws try and guilt you into having kids or ask you when the bundles of joys were coming???? hahaha..........

Nope, just the opposite, they could care less and that includes both sets of parents. When our first daughter did come along, my mom did like spending time with her and taking her around family reunions and showing her off. But when my son came along she told me "two is more than I can handle" and she never took the kids again, or came to visit them at all.
Her and dad spent all of their time with my brothers son and dealing with his problems. He never married the girl he had a son with, and later they split and went into a custody battle. He won at first, but then 8 years later she won custody. I think it all started when he was 8 and now he is 16 and they are still battling back and forth in court. When my brother had custody, mom and dad did all the babysitting for him, and dealt with the school. The school and his mom felt he had ADD, my mom and dad disagreed so that all became a long drawn out court battle as well. And they paid for everything my brother couldn't pay for which was a lot. The sad thing is that as soon as the mother won custody back, my brother and mom and dad stopped having anything to do with him at all. No visits, nothing. My brother married a woman with two kids and seems to have disowned his own son now as has mom.
My wifes parents always did the 'had to' thing meaning once or twice a year visiting us (we live 20 miles apart and that was the best they could manage), and when we visited them (every other Sunday) they pretty much couldn't get us out of the house fast enough. When my SIL had a son, they couldn't seem to spend enough time with him. And even though they lived in Indianapolis they visited him at least once a month.
I am glad we don't have contact with them anymore. I would have to say both her parents and mine are prime examples of people who should not have had kids. My parents didn't want em, they did it cause that is what they were 'supposed' to do after getting married. Her parents got married because someone else got her pregnant and she couldn't stand the scandal of being single and pregnant when he ran off.

 

[expatgirl]

The manual? Would that be the Kama Sutra? Oh wait, can I say that here?

oh, goodness, there is no way that he would have read that without blushing............no way...........

 

[expatgirl]

Guys, I feel bad about hijacking SQ's thread. or maybe I feel like I have I didn't mean to....and no one has admonished me about this---I promise--- i just feel guilty myself...........i thought I was maybe redirecting things back to the original topic and I don't think it went there so I want SQ to be the one to redirect things back to her thread if she wants to.........so SusieQ it's back in your court.......let us know where you want to go with this thread...........

 

[stinemates]

Toby
Weight: 8lb 14oz
Height: 20inches
Just a little over 2 weeks old. He's our 2nd.

I'm going to be 23 in 1 month.

 

[babetoo]

he is so beautiful , congrats. to you and your wife.

babe

 

[Claire]

I've been trying to read the entire thread, but have probably missed some. I'm astonished that I am such a rarity. My husband and I discussed the subject and decided .... no. At age 29 I had my tubes tied and have not had one minute of regret. Now my friends and siblings have kids aged from early teens to 50, and even those with kids as old as me (53) still have not a day of rest from the responsibility. Drug and booze problems, unemployment, and "accidental" grandchildren who they wind up raising. I was married for the second time at age 28 and sat new hubby down and told him I'd had it with birth control. I was actually willing to have children if he wanted them. As a good Catholic girl I grew up knowing I'd have a few. But Mom taught me "No Accidents" and applauded my decision when I made it.

 

[texasgirl]

I've been trying to read the entire thread, but have probably missed some. I'm astonished that I am such a rarity. My husband and I discussed the subject and decided .... no. At age 29 I had my tubes tied and have not had one minute of regret. Now my friends and siblings have kids aged from early teens to 50, and even those with kids as old as me (53) still have not a day of rest from the responsibility. Drug and booze problems, unemployment, and "accidental" grandchildren who they wind up raising. I was married for the second time at age 28 and sat new hubby down and told him I'd had it with birth control. I was actually willing to have children if he wanted them. As a good Catholic girl I grew up knowing I'd have a few. But Mom taught me "No Accidents" and applauded my decision when I made it.

Good for you, Claire!! You are not an oddity either. A lot of women feel that way and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And your right about watching other people go through the bad times. It's horrible on the nerves and health going through it, but, most of the time, the bad gets pushed to the side for the good times. So, don't feel to sorry for us hugs!!

 

[expatgirl]

oh, goodness, stinemates, what a cutey-pie.............

 

[lulu]

Anyone have inlaws or outlaws try and guilt you into having kids or ask you when the bundles of joys were coming???? quote]


Oh yes, oh yes.

Both sides really. My parents woud prefer we moved out before starting but my mother, weirldly, also wants me to move home for the first three months afterwards! (no way! once w get out this time they'll nver get me out of my own home, lol). I know she has a stash of stuff (toys and booties etc) for when the news breaks.

DH's family suggest to (especially his aunt who I love).

I don't see it as negative so much as a bit invasive. The health of my reproductive system is not discussed, but ither way, I feel our lack of production is our business. But it is love that motivates the pressure I'm sure. As much as I find it stressful I try and remember that the motives are good.

Oh, dear, this thread has made me REALLY wish we had one! Stellasquash, wonderful, and, I imagine also very stressful and emotional for all concerned. What a wonderful thing to have done for that family! They are very lucky to have found you.

 

[CharlieD]

I'd post something. but being me, I'd probably ofend somebody, so I better shut up.

 

[jpmcgrew]

As I said before I also chose not to have kids it just wasn't in me. But I have to say not having kids is much, much more acceptable now than thirty years ago. When I was in my teens and 20s and said I was not having kids I would get the weirdest looks from people and a lot of questions it was if they were trying to analyze my mental health or something. People just could not understand the fact I did not want kids. Seemed pretty normal to me. Oh and one of the questions was " who is going to take care of you when you get old?" I said there is no guarantee your kids will take care of you when you get old and it certainly isn't a reason someone should have kids and no I don't like women in that way and yes I do like men It was as if I was some kind of freak or abnormal. Oh and another one was "Do you know that some women can never have kids and really want them and you can so why don't you want them? "

 

[expatgirl]

yep, hear you loud and clearly, jpm.............

 

[suziquzie]

I've been trying to read the entire thread, but have probably missed some. I'm astonished that I am such a rarity. My husband and I discussed the subject and decided .... no. At age 29 I had my tubes tied and have not had one minute of regret. Now my friends and siblings have kids aged from early teens to 50, and even those with kids as old as me (53) still have not a day of rest from the responsibility. Drug and booze problems, unemployment, and "accidental" grandchildren who they wind up raising. I was married for the second time at age 28 and sat new hubby down and told him I'd had it with birth control. I was actually willing to have children if he wanted them. As a good Catholic girl I grew up knowing I'd have a few. But Mom taught me "No Accidents" and applauded my decision when I made it.

LOL Claire you sound like all kids are miserable beings!
They're not all bad, only mine.

 

[TanyaK]

What I find quite amusing is when people say "but you'll be such a good mother!" I'll then ask them "have you ever seen me ever give any attention to your kids or any kids for that matter?" to which they have to answer no. They sometimes come back with "but you're so good with your dogs" Hellooo ! Dogs, kids - 2 different things !

 

[GB]

Hellooo ! Dogs, kids - 2 different things !

Yeah, dogs are cleaner

 

[suzyQ3]

We actually sat in health class and watched Ronald Regan's son put a condom on a banana. Pretty funny at the time, and I remember just about all of the class goofed off at the time so it was a pretty wasted effort, they assumed they already knew it all.

Remembering back to when I was a teenager, we had the 'invincible' attitude and just couldn't conceive of it happening to us. We carried our condoms in our wallets and assumed we were safe from anything (relating to pregnancy and STDs). The roll of the eyes was the attitude of the day.

And while I agree with what Alix is saying in that no form of birth control outside of abstinence is 100%, I have also seen first hand what suzyq3 is saying. You would think with all the sex ed in our schools they would know how to use this stuff by now? And given that no doctor would give a girl birth control without making sure she knew how it works and how to use it (Right? I know the wifes dr. went thru it all thoroughly), I have to wonder why so many would be blaming improper use of birth control?
Maybe it is actually a subconscious sabotage on their part?

Maverick2272, nice shorthand for my "or a result of some deception, either explicit or more subconscious?"

 

[Fisher's Mom]

What I find quite amusing is when people say "but you'll be such a good mother!" I'll then ask them "have you ever seen me ever give any attention to your kids or any kids for that matter?" to which they have to answer no. They sometimes come back with "but you're so good with your dogs" Hellooo ! Dogs, kids - 2 different things !

This post has been really enlightening for me and I thank all of you for it. I have a number of friends who have no children, some because it just worked out that way and many by choice. A couple of my children have decided not to have children and I think it's a good choice for them.

But I have told a few of my friends that I thought they would have been an excellent parent. I meant this completely as a complimentary observation, not as a suggestion they reconsider. I think they all know I respect their decision in this important matter. But now, I'm wondering if I have ever made them feel like I was judging them or nudging them. I'm going to make sure I apologize to those few people in case I made them feel bad or irritated them. I never really thought until this thread that a remark like that could be taken as a criticism or a pointed remark but I can see how it could. So thanks for opening my eyes to this, ya'll.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Oh and one of the questions was " who is going to take care of you when you get old?" I said there is no guarantee your kids will take care of you when you get old and it certainly isn't a reason someone should have kids and no I don't like women in that way and yes I do like men

You are definitely on track here, JP! My naughty son Nick and I were discussing the work and progress we're all making in bringing my mom here to live with me. I was worrying over trying to make things as much like they are at home for her so she won't be unhappy and saying I should have been planning for this sooner. Nick said it was a good experience for him since he'll be taking care of me one day. I said, "Aww, thank you Sweetie for being willing to take me in if I need it. I'll try hard not to be difficult". There was a long pause and then he said "Well, since you have 7 of us, you should probably check with the other kids first." Of course, I shot back with "What makes you think you were first on my list?"

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Toby
Weight: 8lb 14oz
Height: 20inches
Just a little over 2 weeks old. He's our 2nd.

I'm going to be 23 in 1 month.

What a beautiful little boy, Stine! I'm so happy for you. I hope he's a very happy child and a good sleeper!

 

[TanyaK]

This post has been really enlightening for me and I thank all of you for it. I have a number of friends who have no children, some because it just worked out that way and many by choice. A couple of my children have decided not to have children and I think it's a good choice for them.

But I have told a few of my friends that I thought they would have been an excellent parent. I meant this completely as a complimentary observation, not as a suggestion they reconsider. I think they all know I respect their decision in this important matter. But now, I'm wondering if I have ever made them feel like I was judging them or nudging them. I'm going to make sure I apologize to those few people in case I made them feel bad or irritated them. I never really thought until this thread that a remark like that could be taken as a criticism or a pointed remark but I can see how it could. So thanks for opening my eyes to this, ya'll.

I don't think a remark like that will offend or irritate most people - most people will probably take it as the complement it was intended as - I just think it's funny in my case when people say it as I never really show any interest in anyone's kids