No kids, how come?

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No Harm Done

No harm. I saw that & why I said "if you equate..." & note that most people do ask with pure motives.

I would just make a point that there is a side to this issue that all should recognize. Sometimes what is insensitive or not is all in the eyes of the beholder.
 
Absolutely there are accidents even when people take the proper precautions. But wouldn't most of you concede, especially today, that the vast majority of said "accidents" were either a result of mismanagement of birth control; innocent or willful ignorance; or a result of some deception, either explicit or more subconscious?

Again, I am convinced that even with the best intentions and with the perfectly correct use of one or more birth control methods, all systems can and do fail. But I think such cases are now fairly rare compared to all other possible scenarios.
 
Just thought it worth adding that at my very prim Convent boarding school we had th banana lesson. (from a nun). In fact, it was mandatory that we all attempt 'putting the rain coat on' a banana, a cucumber, a cougette, and (goodness help me) an aubergine. Looking back I have to give absolute credit to our convent for putting our freedom to chose about birth control over their religious beliefs. It was uncomfortabl at the time but it was indeed a valuable lesson. We were taught well about abstaining too, bu for if/when that failed we were well prepared. Funnily enough I find this sweet and adorable whereas I had some trouble when nurses were introduced to UK schools to do the same thing (and provide the contraception too). I think the fact that the mssage that you don't HAVE to have sex was so much clearer in a religious single sex environment, made it much clearer what it as....a life lesson rather than a free ticket to hedonism!

Incidently, even the best birth control has a 99% rate. Think how quickly you could get to 100%, its amazing how quickly you're paying russian roulette with that 1%. I have to say that knowing your body well, and when you ned to be doubly cautious is important, and s few women seem to.

I too am impressed with our considration and respect for opposong views here. Its welcome. :)
 
What an amazing school you went to, lulu!!! How lucky you were and by nuns no less.....I'm really impressed............yep, I just didn't want to be in in that 1% either until I knew I was in a serious relationship and then we'd deal with the consequences if they came up........heard everything there was to tell in Mrs. Schwartz's class....made my mind up.........sure the odds of having a baby w/o using protection vs not is definitely considerably higher----no question but nothing is 100% foolproof except abstinence ........it does happen.........when my son told me that they had I looked him straight in the eye and said no, you didn't, and don't lie to me......he then admitted that no they hadn't........I'm no dummy...........got a beautiful granddaughter who's doing great and their marriage is still strong after 5 years.......
 
suzyQ3 said:
Absolutely there are accidents even when people take the proper precautions. But wouldn't most of you concede, especially today, that the vast majority of said "accidents" were either a result of mismanagement of birth control; innocent or willful ignorance; or a result of some deception, either explicit or more subconscious?

Again, I am convinced that even with the best intentions and with the perfectly correct use of one or more birth control methods, all systems can and do fail. But I think such cases are now fairly rare compared to all other possible scenarios.
Click to expand...

Suzy, I'm giggling a bit here. I can only speak for my own experiences, but the number of "accidents" in my close circle of friends is pretty darned high. And NONE of us who had accidents were lax in any way. We were all poor and trying hard not to have kids at that time. 1% as lulu says is a pretty high number if you are say...a newlywed. I'm not going to be more specific than that, but BOTH my children were unplanned (by me anyway, God is another matter). I'm figuring I am some kind of mathematical anomaly. And trust me, I know I was using the methods (please note the plural here) correctly. I don't disagree with your theory as a general rule, just among the folks I know well.

My applause too for the very gentle handling of such a delicate issue. Bravo DCers!
 
I have two wonderful kids ages 24 and 20 but my mother was killed in an accident and that almost killed me, if it had not been for my kids I probably would not be here, but had I not had kids before that had happened I would never have kids because the loss is too unbearable and now all I do is worry about my kids and never want to go through that again. That is the reason I would not have kids if I did not already have them
 
Thank you
I appreciate it.

If I had known something could hurt that bad I would have not had kids, then I would have nobody to worry about
 
Never felt up to the challenge. When I look at the few people I know who I feel are really good parents, I see how much effort, dedication, sacrifice, money, time, etc. they put into rearing their children, and I know I can't offer that. And the thing is, if one is going to be a parent, that's the ONLY way to do it. It's not a job anyone should skimp on, imo.
 
We actually sat in health class and watched Ronald Regan's son put a condom on a banana. Pretty funny at the time, and I remember just about all of the class goofed off at the time so it was a pretty wasted effort, they assumed they already knew it all.

Remembering back to when I was a teenager, we had the 'invincible' attitude and just couldn't conceive of it happening to us. We carried our condoms in our wallets and assumed we were safe from anything (relating to pregnancy and STDs). The roll of the eyes was the attitude of the day.

And while I agree with what Alix is saying in that no form of birth control outside of abstinence is 100%, I have also seen first hand what suzyq3 is saying. You would think with all the sex ed in our schools they would know how to use this stuff by now? And given that no doctor would give a girl birth control without making sure she knew how it works and how to use it (Right? I know the wifes dr. went thru it all thoroughly), I have to wonder why so many would be blaming improper use of birth control?
Maybe it is actually a subconscious sabotage on their part?
 
martinwoods said:
Thank you
I appreciate it.

If I had known something could hurt that bad I would have not had kids, then I would have nobody to worry about
Click to expand...

Martin, I can certainly feel for you.......my father lost my mother to breast cancer when she was 30..... was diagnosed and already terminal at age 27.......he had 4 children with myself being the oldest at 9, then 8,6, and 3...........and then he had the army banging on his door to get his affairs in order so that they could send him to Viet Nam----he was in the 1st Calvary Division which meant that he would be in the thick of the fighting and leading his troops.......came under sniper fire twice and was awarded the Silver Star for bravery........he had to remarry and quickly......not the most motherly of people but we made do........so I can feel for you........I know that he held on for us.........
 
OK expatgirl. By now we are so far from the original topic we've got an entirely new theme going on. But if suzi is fine with it, i'm good too.

I can see what both SuzyQ3 and Maverick are saying about an accident on purpose. I've seen it happen too. I think most of us have. But I truly believe that those are the exception that proves the rule. Most of the ones I know about were true accidents.

I'm not very articulate at the moment. I'll come back when I am. Sorry!
 
No!!! how dare you get off topic!!!
jest kidding....
chat away my friends. :)
 
Anyone have inlaws or outlaws try and guilt you into having kids or ask you when the bundles of joys were coming???? hahaha...........I think that my DH's husband were about ready to gift us with the manual---told us that they enjoyed the pitter patter of cats' and dogs' feet but they would like to hear the pitter patter of human feet....... they were getting desperate.......then we called them with the news......my mother-in-law just about cried. and she's very level-headed like my DH...........seriously I had considered no kids.............but it was fun to reflect in their joy.........my husband's sister's son was born exactly 9 months later.......did we have them for their sakes.......no........we were ready and so were they.............
 
DH's dad was ready for us to have #2.... the boys are 4 years apart.
We told him I was pregnant on Father's Day in '03. He was beaming!
He then died 2 days later...... horrible horrible year.
 
expatgirl said:
Anyone have inlaws or outlaws try and guilt you into having kids or ask you when the bundles of joys were coming???? hahaha...
Click to expand...

Ugh, yes. My late mother was the worst with that, the woman just wouldn't accept "no." MIL was not so militant about it, thank God, and now she's finally accepted it (it helps that my DH's little sister gave her two grandkids). Once, a woman that I didn't know well at all felt the need to remind me that "[my]clock was ticking down, so [I'd] better get busy." I was so po'd I could barely speak. When I finally could manage words, I let her know that her unsolicited advice was merely aggravating to me :mad:, since being childfree was a choice for me, but had I been someone who was struggling with infertility, it would have been downright rude and heartbreaking, and that in the future, she might want to think twice before discussing such a personal topic with someone she didn't know well. You should have seen her face!:LOL:
 
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