No kids, how come?

[suziquzie]

The baby borrowers got me thinking...
For those of you with no children, and no intent on having them.... why?
I get when you can't, you can't, or a bad relationship.... but my brother and SIL have decided not to, and I'm not sure why.
Yeah, they are loud and seem to interrupt things alot, but it's also the best thing I ever did!
Not passing judgement one bit.... just curious.

 

[Saphellae]

I used to be one of those people who said I never wanted kids. Nick has changed my mind though.

From my point of view, I didn't want to give up my freedom. Kids mean ALOT of dedication and time and patience (as Suzi often reminds us!!). I wanted to be able to travel if I wanted, go away for a weekend if I chose to, lay in bed on a Sunday morning.

But, now that I've found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, I want to share more with him - raising a child.

 

[buckytom]

i've found that this is often a very sore subject, as childless people feel they are being judged like they're not living a full life.
sometimes, you just never meet the right person with which to have children. i applaud people who realize the sacrifice, as well as all of the other factors involved in properly rearing a child, and decide not to bring a life into the world just to screw it up. it's not selfishness, as is so often assumed. in fact, it's selflessness. not having the "i want" syndrome, then giving up on the kid when the reality sinks in.
far too many people use their genitalia and hormones to determine if they should have kids, not their brains.

 

[ronjohn55]

No kids... Just hasn't happened yet. That's all.

 

[sattie]

No kids, our personal choice.... but it can always change.

 

[corazon]

I don't think that dh was intent on having kids, then surprise surprise, we got pregnant. Now he wants 10 kids!
I think you never realize how incredible having kids is until you have your own. It's the most powerful love I have ever felt and will ever feel.
Yes, it does require time and dedication but that is a small price to pay for the happiness they bring.

 

[GB]

I have the utmost respect for anyone who makes the decision not to have kids. Deciding to have kids was the single most important weighty intense decision I have ever made and probably ever will make. Too many people these days do not give it the thought it requires before having children. For those that are smart enough to know that they do not want kids and make the conscious decision to take steps not to have them I think that is great that you know you don't want them and won't have them.

I could never imagine my life without my kids, but I can absolutely see how all people would not feel that way. It really does completely change your life in a huge way. If you are not ready for that they having kids is not for you.

 

[TATTRAT]

no kids, not yet.

Being a parent is a job no "ONE" is truly qualified for, but people still do it. I just want to get to a point where I know I won't mind settling down for at least 18years.

 

[miniman]

no kids, not yet.

Being a parent is a job no "ONE" is truly qualified for, but people still do it. I just want to get to a point where I know I won't mind settling down for at least 18years.

Parenthood is the original "learn on the job" training and each child is different so the first lot of training needs to be updated - I don't think I've got it yet.

 

[TanyaK]

Neither of us have the slightest urge to have children - never have - and we're in our mid thirties. I'm just not a "child person". My friends all have kids and I never have the urge to play or interact with them(does that sound horrible?) I'd rather cuddle a puppy than a baby Neither my mom or sister ever had an urge to have kids but had them because my dad and BIL wanted them (but they love their kids now that they're there) - so maybe it's genetic In my point of view you should only have kids if you really really want them and not because of any other reason - people often ask me "but you're going to be lonely when you're old" - not a reason to have kids in my opinion. It's actually pretty amazing how personal people can get

 

[lulu]

I'd love kids now. I really, really feel ready (some might remember me starting to pine a couple of years ago) but I don't want to wait any longer. DH doesn't want to adopt (his right to choose) and I'm unlikely to be accepted onto the waiting list for adoptive parents in UK with my health issues

We can't, without real comprimise use a surrogate - too expensive while we save f
or a house and I feel that if nature says no I'm not going to go down the avenue of emotional and turbulant medical intervention.

We haven't been trying to avoid kids for some time now but nothing. I just don't think its going to happen now for us. I'm sad but not desperate. Mainly, I think DH would be th best father ever (but he wants a daughter while I yearn for two sons) . But I'll get more pets and hopefully be godmother to dozen's one day. meanwhile, DH and I have fun not giving up, lol.

 

[jpmcgrew]

Nope, no way was I going to have kids. I got what I like to call THE CURE at an early age. Being the only girl and the oldest I had to help with 3 younger brothers I knew by the time I was 12 that I would not want kids. I knew exactly how much work it can be. Every night when I was 12 it was my job to pat my middle brothers less than 1 year old butt while he lay on his stomach to get him to go to sleep at night. If I stopped he would start crying. It always seemed like an eternity to get him to sleep At the tender age of 12 while patting his butt my mantra was " I'm never having kids, I'm never having kids, I'm never having kids"
I also never had that primal urge to have kids either. I have no regrets what so ever. Don't get me wrong I like kids but I like when they go home to. Odd thing is kids are attracted to me and babies like me I can get a baby to smile when others can't.
Speaking of kids DHs granddaughter is coming to visit us July 6th and will stay about a week. She comes alone and I get to entertain her. It's exhausting she is 10 now so I bought crafts and stuff to keep her occupied. Last time she was here she put melted candle wax all over her face when I wasn't looking. This year I hear she has taken to stuffing her bra with tissue. What? Huh? Since when do 10 year olds wear bras? Why do they want to grow up so fast? Jeez.

 

[Angie]

Been trying for 3 yrs and nothing yet!

 

[DramaQueen]

I had two children. Not so much by choice but by chance. I wanted them anyway just not so soon. I delivered my first baby 9 1/2 months after I got married. I never had a chance to know what it was like not to have a child. My second came along 2 years later. 45 yrs. ago today as a matter of fact.
My daughter has two children but my son and his wife - married 18 years decided not to have kids a long time ago. The reason? They love the life they lead. They have a fabulous home, a tropical pool, new cars etc. and lead a life of pure enjoyment with very few problems. They don't want to change the way they live nor give up their total independance. When they feel like going, whether it's a trip across town or to Hawaii, they go. I can understand that. My DIL is NOT the maternal type and would not be a good mother. She knows it and I know it. I am fine with their decision. Parenthood is not required of everyone. When you have children, your life is not your own. You are always thinking of someone else first. You can't lay down and take a 2 hour nap if you wanted to. She wants to and she does.
Having children is not a necessary part of life. It is a decision that should be made carefully or you could be in for a lot of suprises. We loved having our kids and they did enrich our lives , but I think our lives would have been wonderful even if we hadn't had kids. Not everyone's life is enhanced by parenthood. I have two friends who wish they never had kids. The kids have been a nightmare for them. I feel bad about that.
As for being lonely in your old age, that's not necessary true. Many people have lost their children to death so they're still alone in their old age. Many others have kids they never see and some have children who live on the other side of the country. Having kids does not guarantee anything.

 

[quicksilver]

Very, very touchy subject, as b.t. has said.
And very personal.
After I got married the first time, a year or so after my mother called me "selfish" for not having kids right away.
Well I did get pregnant after 2+ yrs, and lost him 5 mos. later.
Drs. warned, with my kidneys it would always be
touch and go, possibly to the choice of my life or the baby's.
The marriage went downhill from there.
Oh well, what' cha gonna do?

I remarried about 7 years later. I wanted kids again
and swore to myself I'd do whatever it took to keep safe,
but the relationship was onesided, and knew I would be the only one to parent, as it proved I married another woman's child who never grew up.
Not wanting my child to have a one parent home, or want that for myself, I never did have children.
And am happily divorced since 1989.
Knowing the emotional pain I went through, mom still never retracted those word. I guess I was her dissappointment, as was my older brother.
My younger brother had a daughter, but then he passed
away from cancer at the young age of 38.
So my niece has been the joy of us all. Our future.

But I swear, in my next life, I'm gonna be the Jon &
Kate I always dreamed of.

I pray no one who wants children ever suffers not having them, for whatever reason.

​

 

[suziquzie]

Quicksilver, what a horrible thing for your Mom to say!
I don't think it's selfish one bit to know you don't want kids. Why have them on a fleeting whim or out of duress, and regret it? It can't turn out good for that kid.
Just want to say I don't begrudge anyone for making the choice not to.... I applaud it.
That said, anyone want to babysit?

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Wow, this is probably the most personal subject in the world but since this is turning out to be a very civilized and informative discussion, I'll add my 2 cents.

My feeling is that having children, like getting married, can be the most wonderful and fulfilling thing in the world. It has been for me. But I always knew I wanted children. From an early age, I enjoyed children and was always babysitting for somebody. I'm very much a people person and I find young people fascinating and enjoy being around them. I think it's in my personality and nature.

That said, I don't think everyone is well suited to parenting. I do not think it is a character flaw, or a sign of selfishness, or something lacking in that person. Parenting is in actuality a career. And not all careers or vocations are right for all people. I may admire and depend upon financial consultants and doctors and lawyers and religious leaders, but I know I would not be well suited to those careers. I would not be good at those jobs and they aren't jobs that appeal to me. I think it's the same for people who choose not to have children - they just don't feel they would be good at it and/or happy doing it. I am glad people have the choice now. No offense to people of different religious convictions but I think birth control has enhanced the quality of life for all humans in that we now are able to choose to be parents or not.

The thing that puzzles me is people who say they don't like children. I think usually people are just making a generalization when they say that. But it seems to me that people who really don't like children either a) don't know too many very well or b) have some unresolved issues from childhood. Doesn't it seem that not liking children must be a form of self-loathing? Weren't we all children? Aren't children people, too? (The same thing with elders, for that matter.)

For those of you who wanted to have a child and were unable to, my heart goes out to you. I have always thought that must be one of the most painful things in life. Quicksilver, I will be sending up prayers that next time around, you'll have a house full of children with a soul mate to share it with!

 

[jpmcgrew]

I also wanted to have my tubes tied at age 21 but the nurse kept saying " Oh no Honey you don't want to do that, some day you will meet a man and fall in love and your going to really want to have his baby" Huh? I knew what I wanted and that did not include kids. I also knew I did not have the patience to raise a kid. The dogs are a pain in the neck as it is and all I have to do for them is keep their food and water bowls full and give them their treat a precisely 4:00 PM take them for rides, clip one of them, give them baths, make sure they get their shots, make sure they don't hurt themselves, make sure they behave, make sure the cat and dog beds are clean, make sure to clean up dog poo in the yard, clean the floor when they rip into the house with muddy feet, vacumn up all the pet hair, clean up cat puke etc, etc, etc. HEY WAIT A JUST A DARN MINUTE! I thought I decided to NOT have kids.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

I also wanted to have my tubes tied at age 21 but the nurse kept saying " Oh no Honey you don't want to do that, some day you will meet a man and fall in love and your going to really want to have his baby" Huh? I knew what I wanted and that did not include kids. I also knew I did not have the patience to raise a kid. The dogs are a pain in the neck as it is and all I have to do for them is keep their food and water bowls full and give them their treat a precisely 4:00 PM take them for rides, clip one of them, give them baths, make sure they get their shots, make sure they don't hurt themselves, make sure they behave, make sure the cat and dog beds are clean, make sure to clean up dog poo in the yard, clean the floor when they rip into the house with muddy feet, vacumn up all the pet hair, clean up cat puke etc, etc, etc. HEY WAIT A JUST A DARN MINUTE! I thought I decided to NOT have kids.

I was thinking the same thing as I was reading this!!!! One thing in dogs' favor - they will never wreck your car.

 

[jpmcgrew]

I was thinking the same thing as I was reading this!!!! One thing in dogs' favor - they will never wreck your car.

This is true and no college tuition to worry about. But they still are a bunch of free loaders. They claim they can't work because they don't have pockets to carry money in.