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Old 01-14-2008, 01:40 PM   #1751
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TG... ya need a vacation from this stress!!!!
I know how you feel... my son owes money to EVERYBODY!
He has a great job (money wise anyway, hours suck) he makes lots more than
I do but.. he plays instead of PAYS! I'm really angry and worried about him. I'd help him out but that won't teach him anything, he'd just do it again. It's hard to watch them suffer but, they have to learn!!!

Good luck!
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Old 01-17-2008, 07:28 PM   #1752
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Originally Posted by texasgirl View Post
Ok, gotta vent for a minute. The depression is getting to me.
Sons car is out and we still had to pay $500 deductible. My insurance denied the other guys claim. Seems the damage is to the MIDDLE of the grill and pushed to the drivers side. Agent said that only way that can happen after the investigation is that he was in a turn and son hit him, therfore, the other guys fault. They are going after the other insurance company. Now, younger son up and quit his job and is sitting there with no food, no heat{out of propane} and a truck payment due, a truck that is in MY name. He is actually behind from December. I am at a loss at what is going on with him. I have not slept and cried until no more tears. My husband is livid with him and won't even talk to him, much less help any. He doesn't know about the truck payment yet. If he did, he would take the truck and then how would he be able to get a job to fix this mess? He has overdrafted at the bank because he doesn't use anything but his bank card and I got a statement from his bank, yes, I opened it, he owes the bank over $600!! I don't have the money to pay for that stupid truck. We already had to pay the insurance since it's on our policy. We have property taxes due and we can't afford to help him right now, not that DH would anyway. He said that son isn't welcome in his house right now. I want to strangel dh. I told him that he can't disown his son for being stupid, he said "watch me" AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

how old is son? i would take care of any mess that involves you. then let him sink or swim.

have 25 year old granddaughter that is deeply in debt. her mother gave her a credit card for er. and she spent it up to over 6000 dollars, on living expenses for her and boyfriend. this is not the first time in trouble and has been bailed out many times. there is a time they will just have to do it.

currently my son has a son, his wife, and prmie baby at his house, same type of deal. and harder to ignore because of baby's health and well being.

it is sad that the twenty somethings got caught up in the credit games. do not enable him further.

he does know better.

babetoo
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:45 AM   #1753
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TG I'd take control of the truck anyway set the amount of time he can have the truck to look for a job,when he gets a job and gets the payments up to snuff he can have full use of the truck. you could probably call the bank and set up some kind of arrangement for the past due amount. As for the rest of the things get them in his name as soon as possible. If he's acting like a child treat him like one and see how he likes it. Try to contact all the places he owes money to and see if something can be worked out. You didn't say how old or if he lives at home,but if he's at home take more of his freedom away, give cerfew,make him do chores around the house,and keep track of how much your spending to get him out of the mess, tell him he will be responsible for paying you back and then stick to it.It will be alot of responsibility on you for awhile,but with the stuff in your name you can't let it take you down too.Good Luck I know how hard it is to deal with someone who doesn't know the value of money. Been taking care of my Dads bills for 7 years because he almost lost his house.
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Old 01-18-2008, 03:06 AM   #1754
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So sorry that you're enduring so much stress and depression, Texasgirl. Do call the banks and truck company and talk to them immediately about your situation. Many will be willing to work something out as long as some sort of payment schedule is set up and followed or better yet force your sons to do it while you are on hand. If there's anything that has been bought and can be returned make him do that as well. Give your youngest an ultimatum----he has to find a job whether it's for mimimum pay or not or boot him out. Once irresponsible kids get into the habit of not working and earning their keep and knowing that there is always good ol' Mom to help them out you've got a perpetual albatross around your neck. You need your own peace of mind and sanity to keep up with your own bills much less trying to pay off your abled childrens'. This stress isn't good for either you or your husband esp. when you can't afford to pay for these extra charges. Here's hoping that everyone will be willing to work with you so that you can get peace of mind back.
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Old 01-18-2008, 10:29 AM   #1755
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Son is 20 years old. The thing is, my youngest son has always been the responsible one. This has been a very big surprise for us. He has always paid his bills and been very good about keeping up with everything. No, he does not live at home, he lives with a friend in a place that belongs to the friends parents. They are being really good with him about it. He is daily going looking for jobs, not sitting at home doing nothing. He has sent out his resumes and gone to the temp services too. This has been a lapse in judgement that he has to learn from. I already paid the late payment and he has talked with the bank to let them know that he will get them paid as soon as he gets a job. They are going to set up a payment plan with him. And the card has been cut up. I have actually done very little for him. We loaned him a little oil heater and I have gone and bought him some food that is mostly frozen pizzas and other things that are very cheap. I think I spent $20 on food for him in the last 2 weeks, that's it. He is taking ice cold showers without complaining and wearing his clothes more than once. I let him come and wash a load Tuesday. He is sincerely remorseful for the trouble he has caused. I told him that if he screws me over again, I will be done with any help for him, not even a sandwich. He was a little surprised and I told him that I tired of bailing them out and it's time for them to grow up. I was 16 when I had my first son and if I had been that way, they probably wouldn't have been alive now from neglect. They don't know what hard is and I'm tired of being put in the middle of them and dh. I'm not doing it anymore. If I see that it is going to effect their health, I will help, but, nothing more.
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:35 PM   #1756
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I hope things are going to turn for the better very-very soon.
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:07 PM   #1757
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It sure is hard watching your adult kids make mistakes and get into messes. Especially when it puts you at odds with your husband. I personally hated letting my kids deal with the consequences of some of the bad choices they have made but I know in my head that it's the only way to turn a mess into a learning experience. Still, it's painful knowing your son is taking cold showers, etc. Just remember the tough things you made it through. He's from the same stock and he'll make it through, too. Have some faith in the things you taught him growing up. Even though it may look like he didn't "get it", he did and he'll do the right thing if you are able to stand back and let him. Good luck, girlfriend!
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Old 01-18-2008, 07:54 PM   #1758
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Thanks guys. I'm sure it will get better soon.
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Old 01-18-2008, 10:01 PM   #1759
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Venting

I have a vent that really affected me yesterday. My 21 year old daughter and I were in a Barnes and Noble yesterday and I witnessed a young mother whacking her 1 year old twins ---two stroller assembly in a little nook near the magazines---I was searching for some beading magazines for a friend and could not but help observe that everytime these little guys reached out of the stroller for attention (which all 18 monthers do) she'd come straight down and whack them hard on the hands and arms---not a little spank on the hands but a hard whack--they'd cry and lay back down again because she told them to and she'd continue to read her book on a bench in a recessed nook not visible by anyone unless you happened to be in that area....certainly not in sight of the front desk and there were few people there.....then she got some call from a church friend and said "Oh, yes, we need to do whatever the pastor says..... then one of the children would lean out of the stroller (that's how old I knew they were and she'd smack them down again) and continued her "christian" conversation about their planned get together for a bunch of people---could not help overhearing as she was right next to me and seeing her whack her kids to settle back down in their stroller. I think that she knew that I was watching her and ---I have pretty obvious body language----and yet she continued to whack them in public---now mind you--- back when my kids were growing up they ever so often did get a pop on the bottom or a swat on the hand and an authoritative "No" but it wasn't often and I certainly never made them cry the way these babies were. She really hit them hard and several times. I was so upset that I had to leave ( I couldn't help but think of the Baby Grace case)------I really wanted to say something but she looked mean, sounded low class on the phone, and confrontational---so I told a grandmotherly clerk when I checked out what I had observed as the lady was still there and she immediately pushed a button so I'm hoping that it was some store security witness that would have been sent over to observe for themselves. All I could think of was if she was willing to hit her kids in public in front of a disapproving stranger how did she treat them at home?? I'd like to say the rant is over but it's not--I'm still upset ...........
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:32 AM   #1760
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I really wanted to say something but she looked mean, sounded low class on the phone, and confrontational---so I told a grandmotherly clerk when I checked out what I had observed as the lady was still there and she immediately pushed a button so I'm hoping that it was some store security witness that would have been sent over to observe for themselves. All I could think of was if she was willing to hit her kids in public in front of a disapproving stranger how did she treat them at home?? I'd like to say the rant is over but it's not--I'm still upset ...........
I've seen this a couple of times, too, and I never know what to do. Like you, I wonder if I say something to the parent, will they take it out on the child later at home? And will it be even worse? I was at a store in the Outlet Mall once and like you, I went to a cashier and told her. She looked really upset, too, but I don't think there was much they could do. And unfortunately in Texas, people seem to be able to get away with all sorts of abuse of children without any penalties. I love Texas but we need to do something about how we protect children here.
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