Old Venting Thread

[texasgirl]

Aww mikki, you are doing the right thing. You're right, stick to it or it's just going to go back to the way it was or continue and you are going to be unhappy. Don't say what he wants to hear. Say what is true in your heart!! I will pray that it all works out for you. Come and vent all you want.

 

[mikki]

Thanks Stacy, I've never been a strong person. Right now I'm trying to keep my emotion in check so he doesn't think he's got the power to make me feel a certian way.Which in turn makes him think I'm not thinking about things. It's rough and I wish the counsler could see us sooner, but I guess we'll have to wait.

 

[mikki]

oh yeah on top of everything that is going on with hubby and I. DD fiance finds out next week if he goes to Afghanistan, which might screw up their wedding that is being planned for April.

 

[expatgirl]

OK would you tell someone something just because you know its what they want to hear?
Let me explain a little, 2 weeks ago hubby and I had the big blow up that I knew was comming (having trouble for quite awhile) anyway he wanted the truth from me and I guess I finally had the nerve to tell him some things. The things I told him hurt him and I understand that he's hurt and angry.
Anyway this morning he asked if anything has changed, I know he wanted to hear that everything had started to change,but it really hasn't. When I tried to explain to him that things have to be rebuilt and it's not just going to happen overnight, he got mad.
I'm so frustrated I don't want to basically lie and say everything is fine, which I've been doing for quite awhile. But in being truthful I know it hurts him.
I know if I don't stay strong and stick to my guns things will be just like they were and I can't do that. I have finally taken control of me. I'm trying not to let him control the situation mostly he does this through guilt, I'm not sure what I want so when he starts the guilt trips I start thinking that it's just easier to give in so I don't get the guilt trip.
He did agree to go to a counsler,but we can't get into one for another month, unless someone cancels.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

If you're a friend of mine I do NOT tell you what you want to hear........told a friend once that she was a flaming control freak and to let go....the stuff she was doing was ridiculous..........she was incensed and actually went to her brother (a psychologist) sister, mother, and hubby to see if they thought her a control freak.......wellllllllllllllllll............came back the answers........being a control freak myself......I said that it was not a bad thing to be........they at least got things done................she never got it..........if you ask my opinion and you're a friend I will first ask...........do you really want to know what a I think and if the answer if yes............then I tell you...........


for you..........I don't think your husband is committed to the counselor idea but do give it a try anyway.......sounds like it's going to be hard to work it out on your own..........I really, really hope that you two work it out..........do get to the counselor if you can............

 

[miniman]

Mikki just keep going - the road may be rocky now, but you are working to smooth it out. We are here with you ready to listen whenever you want to release your emotion.

 

[kadesma]

Mikki,
all of us has a touch of the control freak in us, but most of us know when to back off. Keep on telling the truth, he will learn to handle it..Mine did..We had anger, tears, and now he knows to stop if I give him the look..It has to be this way..I don't like someone dictating to me.. I tend to give in to stop any bickering. But I can and do think for myself, I don't need a keeper.You stick to your guns, be strong, yet kind. I had to learn this and now it has helped me be me..Marriage is not all fun and games it takes work and sometimes very hard work to make things smooth..I'm sure you can do this...That you want to get help is wonderful and I wish you all the best and much happiness...Use this thread to help you get things off your chest...We will listen.
kadesma

 

[Katie H]

Ahhhhh! My hands are killing me. I was working yesterday at the shop tearing down a chair. Getting it down to the frame. My right hand slipped and I lost grip on the chair. The chair shifted quickly and both hands ended up getting bumped and cut (from exposed nails and staples). The knuckle on my right index finger is a real mess.

I have to go to the shop today to get some work done, but am trying to decide what I can do that won't stress my hands. Hopefully by Monday I'll be able to get back to the offending chair.

 

[texasgirl]

Ahhhhh! My hands are killing me. I was working yesterday at the shop tearing down a chair. Getting it down to the frame. My right hand slipped and I lost grip on the chair. The chair shifted quickly and both hands ended up getting bumped and cut (from exposed nails and staples). The knuckle on my right index finger is a real mess.

I have to go to the shop today to get some work done, but am trying to decide what I can do that won't stress my hands. Hopefully by Monday I'll be able to get back to the offending chair.

Ouch Katie. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you have antibiotic ointment and bandaids to cover your injuries.

 

[texasgirl]

I knew things were going to well. DS was fired today. Him and another guy were moving customers vehicles and the other guy went the wrong way and came around and smashed the front. DS didn't see him in time to stop. They were both fired, didn't matter who was at fault, company policy. He had just turned down a $10 tip because it was against policy. Jeez, what now?

 

[Barbara L]

I'm sorry to hear that Stacy. Hopefully he will find a better one soon.

Katie, I hope your hands feel better. It hurt just reading your description!

Barbara

 

[LPBeier]

Katie, take care of those hands! I agree you should get some antibiotic ointment on them and maybe if you have to work can you where gloves?

Stacy, I am so sorry about the news regarding your son. It sounded like he was doing very well and this certainly wasn't his fault.

You are both in my prayers.

 

[expatgirl]

Katie, I'm going to assume that you are up on your shots????? Tetanus comes to mind.............otherwise get thyself to the Dr. on Monday........you have a 3 days grace period...........hey, take it easy girlfriend............we all think about you and you're in our thoughts.......let us know how you are getting along in you ggidap............

 

[babetoo]

arrgh- woes with handy man again. he just can't be on time. didn't show til two today. is putting bead board in bathroom. told him only til 730 then he has to leave. the hammering is driving me nuts. my sunday is ruined. yesterday he sawed all day. will i never learn. at least this time i haven't paid him.

 

[Claire]

Mikki, I've learned over the years to keep my mouth shut when it is issues with friends. However, with my own spouse I've learned that what I shut up about today, I will pay for tomorrow. So it is best to have it out now, because if you (or he) let it simmer for a week or a month, it will not get better, it will get worse.

 

[Katie H]

Thanks everyone. Hands are feeling much better. Not looking too great, and hurt much less than they did. Going to try to be easy on them tomorrow.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Mikki, I've learned over the years to keep my mouth shut when it is issues with friends. However, with my own spouse I've learned that what I shut up about today, I will pay for tomorrow. So it is best to have it out now, because if you (or he) let it simmer for a week or a month, it will not get better, it will get worse.

This is so true, Claire. No matter how much you try to ignore or forget, things do keep simmering and they will eventually boil over. Also, if you deal with things honestly before you've been stewing over them for weeks or months, it's easier to be kind when telling your spouse something that will hurt or disappoint them. You know, there are ways and ways to be honest and some of them aren't so nice.

 

[LPBeier]

Okay, everything has been going "swimmingly" and now we are ankle deep in water due to an unknown sewer problem who knows where.

I had to almost drag our strata manager over here to see that it "wasn't" an in-house problem. Our next door neighbour was having it too and then when the manager did come, he saw that all four lower suites have the problem. He checked all the upper suites but it isn't there. He didn't phone the city to see if they had a problem and now we don't know where he is.

DH has been working non stop using a small shop vac and small carpet cleaner (green machine) to try and get a handle on it. I am helping as much as I can which is very little.

So, no we have no running water, and water all over the place. We had to barracade the dogs in the bedroom and we don't know if anything will be done before morning.

Update: the water was contained to the two bathrooms and our storeroom which has a drain. It is now sort of under control, but our carpets did get some soaking and we have storage stuff all over the living room.

We have had no supper and are not sure when or what we will get.

Sorry, just needed to scream and didn't want to do it in front of DH because he is working so hard.

 

[babetoo]

oh dear, i'll bet it is a mess. i once had a toilet that overflowed. was flushed before we went out. good thing husband went right back after he drove me to work. it had already flooded the apartment soaking the carpet . it was leaking through
to the apartment below us and coming in round their lights over sink.

it took a week , with lots of fans to dry out the carpet, then they still had to replace it.

amazing how fast water goes everywhere. hope it gets cleaned up soon.

babe

 

[LPBeier]

Thanks, Babe.

We just found out that they don't believe it is a City problem and so they are shutting off all the water in the building (12 suites) until morning and will "deal with it then". They say ours is the worst hit, but I really don't think he realizes just how bad it is in here...and he has been in four times!

 

[Barbara L]

That's horrible Laurie. I hope everything is resolved very very soon.

Barbara