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Old 06-30-2008, 03:21 PM   #2971
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I don't see where I am being a selfish B****rd, I have always put my kids first and sacrificed a lot for them. They have no idea she cheated or that she has said these things to me. I leave them out of as much as possible and shelter them from as much of it as possible.
Their biggest complaint is they feel their mom puts her business and clients before them, other than that they are happy and well adjusted (this is according to DCFS which I brought in in 04). Their teachers like them, their friends like them, even the principle likes Mitch and she is a crusty lady that doesn't seem to like anyone.
There is obviously going to be counseling needed with them concerning their mother and things she has done in the past, but my concern right now is what is best for them now.
Does this signal a return to her old ways and therefore should I leave before it gets worse and begins to effect the kids again? Or is this just something that remains between us and we co-habitate while raising the kids? Is that even possible without them picking up on it?
Katie says she is OK with a divorce, but deep down does not want one. Mitch thinks his mother puts her clients before him, but does not want a divorce either. I can live with never having someone that loves me the way I love them, but I won't sacrifice the kids to get what I want.
I wanted a career, I gave that up to be a stay at home dad with a part time job because she couldn't be a mother let alone a stay at home mom. I cut my parents out of my life because they were being toxic and involving the kids in their problems. Same for her parents, her sister, my brother. We needed more money but I refused to go full time and neglect the kids for the sake of more money. It is nice buying them cool toys and memberships to zoos and museums and arboretums but I have always made sure it was never at the cost of the most important thing: Time with the kids.
This is between me and her, and that is where I am keeping it. I was caught off guard by what she said, and had no one to talk to so I let it out in here. But I am not letting the kids in on it, and my final decision will be based on what is best for them.
I am sorry I vented in here, my apologies. I will just keep things like this between my therapist and myself from now on out. It obviously was not an appropriate topic to bring into a cooking forum, so lets just drop it and move on as I am sure there are plenty of others that need to vent.
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Old 06-30-2008, 04:20 PM   #2972
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Originally Posted by Maverick2272 View Post
I don't see where I am being a selfish B****rd, I have always put my kids first and sacrificed a lot for them. They have no idea she cheated or that she has said these things to me. I leave them out of as much as possible and shelter them from as much of it as possible.
Their biggest complaint is they feel their mom puts her business and clients before them, other than that they are happy and well adjusted (this is according to DCFS which I brought in in 04). Their teachers like them, their friends like them, even the principle likes Mitch and she is a crusty lady that doesn't seem to like anyone.
There is obviously going to be counseling needed with them concerning their mother and things she has done in the past, but my concern right now is what is best for them now.
Does this signal a return to her old ways and therefore should I leave before it gets worse and begins to effect the kids again? Or is this just something that remains between us and we co-habituate while raising the kids? Is that even possible without them picking up on it?
Katie says she is OK with a divorce, but deep down does not want one. Mitch thinks his mother puts her clients before him, but does not want a divorce either. I can live with never having someone that loves me the way I love them, but I won't sacrifice the kids to get what I want.
I wanted a career, I gave that up to be a stay at home dad with a part time job because she couldn't be a mother let alone a stay at home mom. I cut my parents out of my life because they were being toxic and involving the kids in their problems. Same for her parents, her sister, my brother. We needed more money but I refused to go full time and neglect the kids for the sake of more money. It is nice buying them cool toys and memberships to zoos and museums and arboretums but I have always made sure it was never at the cost of the most important thing: Time with the kids.
This is between me and her, and that is where I am keeping it. I was caught off guard by what she said, and had no one to talk to so I let it out in here. But I am not letting the kids in on it, and my final decision will be based on what is best for them.
I am sorry I vented in here, my apologies. I will just keep things like this between my therapist and myself from now on out. It obviously was not an appropriate topic to bring into a cooking forum, so lets just drop it and move on as I am sure there are plenty of others that need to vent.
you would be surprised how much your kids know . they have eyes, ears and can feel the tension.

i think for their benefit and yours, you need to bail. you might be surprised how some of your complaints about health , will just go away. toxic is the right word, but applies to you personally as well. both u and kids deserve more from life, than just cohabiting.

babe
ps, no one minds if you vent but are entitled to their opinion when you do.

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Old 06-30-2008, 04:34 PM   #2973
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Mav, I don't think anybody is suggesting you are a bad parent or hashing all of this out in front of your kids. If people thought that, they wouldn't bother replying because no one would think it would do any good.

Sometimes it takes a friend or friends to help you see the forest, not just the trees. I promise your kids are suffering as much as you are but they will never tell you. I know this from experience. And kids always manage to find a way to make everything their fault. You can't change your wife and you can't make her get her crap together, even for the sake of the kids. But you can be the parent who says enough is enough and insists on immediate changes or moves on for the kids' sake.

I hope you don't choose to take offense at this because, like BT, Babe and JP, I don't mean it in an offensive way. I'm assuming you wanted some additional input on the situation and that's why you posted.
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Old 06-30-2008, 05:04 PM   #2974
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Originally Posted by babetoo View Post
you would be surprised how much your kids know . they have eyes, ears and can feel the tension.

i think for their benefit and yours, you need to bail. you might be surprised how some of your complaints about health , will just go away. toxic is the right word, but applies to you personally as well. both u and kids deserve more from life, that just cohabiting.

babe
ps, no one minds if you vent but are entitled to their opinion when you do.

I hafto agree kids know a lot more than you think. I don't think you are a selfish ******* But I can see how hard it is for you , you and dw have lived with all this stuff before you even got together so it's harder so see what we here can see. Just like me it's hard to realize this is not the way to live. I went to co-dependant meetings but got tired of them because all they were is people sitting around complaining about their lives. Most of us have been through something like this at one time or another. I did not have to post about my mother it's not something I care to bring up. I did because I also had feelings of obligation to her and others etc. I think that maybe you should read all your posts again but read them as if it was not from you but that they were from someone else. Then think about what you would say to that person. Really read them again as it was from someone else and you will see how quickly it all adds up. If your therapist/counselor doesn't teach you why you put up with this then you will never get! I used to read all kinds of books on codependency and honestly never got much out of them most of them are a bunch of crap. Then I found this book and it saved my life it's simple to understand and it's a short read. If you do separate you need to learn how not to get in the same situation again with the same kind of person.
You can get this book on Ebay for as little as $2.00 it's called Love Is A Choice. I really recommend getting it it will open up your eyes and teach you why you choose to stay like this.
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Old 06-30-2008, 05:37 PM   #2975
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Started on new meds Saturday morning. Told me to take the Dyazide alone for a week, just to see if it worked for all problems without the Beta blockers, wonderful, I'm ready to try it!! Yesterday, started having chest pains, same as I got when I tried stopping Atenolol, like a pulled muscle. Painful, but, not crushing. Okay, so, I go ahead and take a Coreg last night cause I didn't get the Verapamil filled, in case the Dyazide worked alone. This morning, dizzy and vomiting, headache, bp went up again and chest pains enough I came home, I NEVER come home from work. Called Dr. office. Was told to just stop all and use the Coreg again. THAT DIDN'T WORK BEFORE, WHY IS IT ALL OF A SUDDEN GONNA START NOW!! I am angry and upset that this what I have to settle for!
My opinion, my Verapimil worked wonderfully with palps, never had one while on it or pain, the coreg was good with bp, but, not the palps or chest pain, Dyazide was good for fluid but nothing else.
I think I am going to begin with the Verapmil and the Dyazide like he wanted me to do in a week if the Dyazide didn't work. I think this morning the sickness came from the chest pain from not having beta blocker, then the bp came from pain, headache came from bp and the dizziness came from the headache. That is my opinion and that is what the dr said to do after a week anyway, so, I'm gonna try it and see for myself. If it doesn' work, then, I will stop and call them again.
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Old 06-30-2008, 06:27 PM   #2976
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maverick2272 View Post
I don't see where I am being a selfish B****rd, I have always put my kids first and sacrificed a lot for them. They have no idea she cheated or that she has said these things to me. I leave them out of as much as possible and shelter them from as much of it as possible.
Their biggest complaint is they feel their mom puts her business and clients before them, other than that they are happy and well adjusted (this is according to DCFS which I brought in in 04). Their teachers like them, their friends like them, even the principle likes Mitch and she is a crusty lady that doesn't seem to like anyone.
There is obviously going to be counseling needed with them concerning their mother and things she has done in the past, but my concern right now is what is best for them now.
Does this signal a return to her old ways and therefore should I leave before it gets worse and begins to effect the kids again? Or is this just something that remains between us and we co-habitate while raising the kids? Is that even possible without them picking up on it?
Katie says she is OK with a divorce, but deep down does not want one. Mitch thinks his mother puts her clients before him, but does not want a divorce either. I can live with never having someone that loves me the way I love them, but I won't sacrifice the kids to get what I want.
I wanted a career, I gave that up to be a stay at home dad with a part time job because she couldn't be a mother let alone a stay at home mom. I cut my parents out of my life because they were being toxic and involving the kids in their problems. Same for her parents, her sister, my brother. We needed more money but I refused to go full time and neglect the kids for the sake of more money. It is nice buying them cool toys and memberships to zoos and museums and arboretums but I have always made sure it was never at the cost of the most important thing: Time with the kids.
This is between me and her, and that is where I am keeping it. I was caught off guard by what she said, and had no one to talk to so I let it out in here. But I am not letting the kids in on it, and my final decision will be based on what is best for them.
I am sorry I vented in here, my apologies. I will just keep things like this between my therapist and myself from now on out. It obviously was not an appropriate topic to bring into a cooking forum, so lets just drop it and move on as I am sure there are plenty of others that need to vent.
Mav,

Please don't think anyone is picking on you. Real friends will tell you the truth, not what they think you want to hear.

As far as it being between you and her, I think you are wrong there. If you are asking the kids about whether or not they would approve of a divorce, they are very much involved and they know it goes much deeper that just the time she spends at work.

Although she may not be doing it yet, there may be one thing you might want to keep in mind, when she tires of using you for a doormat or gets to a point where that isn't enough, who do you think she is going to start picking on next?

You're best bet is to start thinking with your head instead of your heart. Why don't you try a seperation and see if she gets the much needed help she needs and changes. That way it will be easier on the kids too. If you do decide to make it permanent, the kids will have adjusted.

Just a thought!
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Old 06-30-2008, 07:33 PM   #2977
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Wink sewing challenged

My sympathies on bobbin roulette .My sewing machine hates me and I know it. Once in a while it lets me do something without a argument
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Old 06-30-2008, 07:56 PM   #2978
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My sympathies on bobbin roulette .My sewing machine hates me and I know it. Once in a while it lets me do something without a argument
is it just me ? or maybe you posted this in wrong place?

babe
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Old 06-30-2008, 07:58 PM   #2979
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is it just me ? or maybe you posted this in wrong place?

babe
I wondered too, Babe, but then I thought how it ruins my day when my sewing machines misbehave and it makes me want to vent, too. I dunno, but the OP has my sympathies!
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Old 06-30-2008, 08:10 PM   #2980
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I had clicked to reply to a thread about venting that started out with a complaint about bobbins,however I think this changed by the time I replied.
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