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Old 09-23-2008, 10:39 PM   #3471
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I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I did..My parents had someone living with them and were at odds over how she was to behave..Rules of the home went out the window, my mom spent most of her time babysitting, her car was not taken care of as dad felt it should be and then when it would break down she just jumped in theirs and off she went..So, I was always getting calls from both of them expecting me to agree with each of them, asking me to take sides...I had 4 little kids, and could not be constantly asked to run back and forth to help out...I got tired of being a referee..So we sat down andI told them face to face...I love you both and would do anything for you, but I will NOT do this anymore..I will not take sides..You can both call and tell me your sides of things but that will be the end of it...Do not expect me to decided for you..Your best bet is to stand side by side and lay down rules..stick to them and that's it..In your case Sap, I'd just tell them I'm here, I'll listen but please don't expect me to decide...I love you both and your making me ill asking me to chose one over the other..NO MORE and then stick to your guns, listen to what you want and then say okay times up no more...say I ove you and hang up..Let them know you will not run back and forth all the time, it's going to make you ill and then who can you help? I'd tell dad, I love him to take care of himself, you will help all you can but you will not take sides..
Take care of you mom and dad are busy fighting and that is not fair to you..Grow up mom and dad and act like the adults you are. I don't mean to be unkind, but they should be helping YOU and you should help them as well, but you are not the judge, you are the child.

kades
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Old 09-25-2008, 12:13 AM   #3472
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saphellae View Post
Oh yeah, I'm good. It's my parents, after 24 years they are divorcing. I am old enough to understand, though it's just hard being pulled in both directions, and it is difficult to be neutral to both of them when I see clearly how uneven the ground is right now. I am also very worried about my dad's health. He has had two heart attacks about 6 years ago within six months of each other, and was rushed to the hospital again a couple of weeks ago for an anxiety attack.
Forgot to add, they live an hour away so I feel the pressure to be there alot.. It has been almost every day or two that I am down there. Yes, I want to support them, but I need a break too.

It's just not a fun situation.

On the bright side of my life, the new job is going great and Nick should be joining me soon. We are also looking to buy a house.
Sephellae,
I can imagine how it must be for you. Hang in there. The thought of your parents being apart after so long is something to get used to. But remember that both of them will feel better alone than staying in a relationship that is no longer suitable for either one of them. My sister divorced when my nieces were 20. It's never easy for anyone but if you see your parents happier this way, then in the end, it's a consolation. Glad your job is going well. Prayers go out to your dad for better health.
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Old 09-25-2008, 06:00 AM   #3473
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Saphellae, I understand all too well what you are going through. My parents never did divorce but there was times that I think it would have been better if they did, though an accident I had and my Mom getting sick seemed to draw them very close together in the end until she passed away.

I pray for you, both of them and your Dad's health. And I will give you the same advice as Kades, and that I had to take for myself during the tough times - look after YOU. As Dina says, this may be the best for them in the long run and you have a life of your own. Be there for them, but don't get dragged into it. That won't help them or you.

Take good care, my fellow Canadian!
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Old 09-25-2008, 11:25 AM   #3474
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I'm sorry you are having to go through this right now Saphellae. I can't really add anything, except to say that kadesma's advice seems to be right on the money. I'm praying for you. And don't forget we are always here when you need to vent, and you can PM any of us if you need us as well.

Barbara
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Old 09-25-2008, 10:08 PM   #3475
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my slight vent that's not too important. i'm so angry with jake.
he said i'm an idiot.
i'm very smart, yet i allowed myself to figure i'm inadequate & so i cried.
what's a guy really expect from a woman...
i may throw him out tomorrow, 9 years isn't so significant to me as to allow him to insult me & put me into tears.
jerk.
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Old 09-25-2008, 10:33 PM   #3476
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Aw luvs, he didn't mean it, and hopefully very soon he will apologize profusely. I would cry too if it were me, so I'm right there with you. Truthfully, I think I have probably called my sweetie an idiot at some point in our marriage (maybe even this week--I do know I told the mail lady to run over him!), but I don't really believe he is one. Let Jake know that it hurt you, and then give him time (maybe a little "silent" time--they hate that!), and I'm sure he will come around.

Barbara
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Old 09-26-2008, 12:40 AM   #3477
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Great advice all the way around...........:)
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Old 09-26-2008, 12:55 AM   #3478
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(maybe a little "silent" time--they hate that!)
Barbs right Luvs-we really do hate that, and for the most part we can't figure it out

Karma, along with thoughts and prayers are on the way. Things will look better in the light of day!!
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Old 09-26-2008, 01:00 AM   #3479
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Not so much a "vent" as a friendly reminder. Its been 7 years since 9/11-I hope that all of you (regardless of your stance on the war) if you see a brave young man or woman in uniform, will take a minute to thank them for what they are sacrificing for you.

They really appreciate it, and its the least we civilians can do!!!!
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Old 09-26-2008, 03:13 PM   #3480
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yeah, thanks guys. silence treatments work!!!
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