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Old 11-15-2008, 06:58 AM   #3751
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You've got my prayers from down the street and around the corner.


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Old 11-15-2008, 09:04 AM   #3752
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From one who has been there and done that.......stop beating yourself up.......I know that you will anyway...............you can every have test in the book (if her insurance will pay for it) you do what you can do........you've been a fantastic daughter looking out for her..........that's all you can do.........if she's got dementia.......really it's a blessing...........then she doesn't know what's going on.........that's how it was with my Dad........he ended up having lung cancer, too...........the doctor's said that we could treat him with a food tube in the stomach as he had lost his swallowing reflex due to the dementia and that we'd only be saving him for lung cancer to ravage him and the pain that would accompany it......right now he was in no pain.........do you know how hard it was to sit there and make that decision..............that's why I know what you're going thru...........let her go in peace is what I'm trying to say........the cancer has metastisized and has spread throughout her entire body............let her go......You're a great daughter..........you care..............and I'm so very sorry...........

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Old 11-15-2008, 09:16 AM   #3753
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went to the ER yesterday .. did not want to go .. but my regular doctor
advised me that i should .. i understand that there is going to be a wait ..
but 6 hours in the waiting room and another 3 in a little room
while in the worst pain of my life seems a tad long to me ..
and they would not even give me anything for pain until i had someone there
to drive me home .. so .. my wife takes the little ones to my moms and comes up
there .. i tell the triage nurse i have a ride .. she gives me 600mg ibuprofen ..
what a long day ...
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Old 11-15-2008, 10:30 AM   #3754
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My thought are with you. I have made those tough decisions for both my dad and auntie. It is just natural to start second guessing your decisions. What helped me the most when I started the spinning thoughts was something a friend told me. She said "Think with your head and not with your heart". Your heart will tell you that you want Mom always, while your head will tell you what is best for Mom's quality of life.

My Dad passed away last week. I draw comfort in knowing that because I made those decisions Dad was not in a lot of pain and was able to stay at home till the end which was his wish.

May you have peace with the decisions you make.
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Old 11-15-2008, 10:58 AM   #3755
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we all have guilt and pain over things, but, you will work through that..It's normal to say I should have or maybe if..The past is the past and you can't change it..You learn from it and grow..Love yourself and you will have great love to share..Be proud that you were their for your mom.You are brave and strong don't let that slip now..I don't know if you have small children or grandkids, use them to give you that warm feeling and pass it to your mom...Make the most of the time left..Then you can rest easy knowing you stayed till you could do no more..Many of us here have the same guilts and pain, so let us lend you a shoulder and many good thoughts and if you like, prayers..If we can ease the pain for you, then bless us and you..Love that's the key...
HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
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Old 11-15-2008, 02:12 PM   #3756
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I know beating myself up is not the answer and other people are going through the same thing. I guess it's just a natural reaction to second guess yourself. I've just got to process all this and figure out where to go from here.
My dd and two grandkids went up to see my mom today. It was a good day and she was in good spirits. She just doesn't like having the catheter in. (Sorry, tmi) My oldest grandson who's 8 came and gave me a hug and told me he will pray for his GG to get better so I wouldn't be so upset. Out of the mouths of babes!
We haven't heard anything from the dr. yet, so we're at a standstill.
Thank you guys again it means alot to me.

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Old 11-15-2008, 03:00 PM   #3757
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Barb, we always do what we think is best. I think you made the right choices from what you told us. Nothing would have helped her with the cancer, even the oncologist was in agreement there and if you had, what would that have improved? Now, if there was a cure for dementia, YES, then that is something to go after, but, sadly, there isn't and with that, whatever other ailment she has, except for everyday illnesses, isn't going to help her quality of life. Me, if I were in that situation, I would not want my kids to do anything further to burden them. Let me go to my lord and stop the pain.
My mom was diagnosed in January 92 with colon cancer. We watched her go through the chemo, her knowing it was only prolonging her life, and then, was there for her in her last days at the hospital. She died Oct 5,1992. 9 months, that's it. She wouldn't have gone sooner if not for the chemo, but, as I said, it was to prolong only to get her affairs in order because she wasn't going to put any burden on us. That is the way she was. My momma was my life. I lost her when I was 22, she at 54. WAY too young to go. I lost my teacher, my friend and the one person I always went to when I needed a shoulder. It IS hard Barb and I pray for you to release your guilt, for, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You have loved her and taken good care of her, or she wouldn't be here now with you!! Be at peace with yourself as I know she is too.
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Old 11-15-2008, 05:34 PM   #3758
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Barb, There's not much I can add to what the others have already said, but I would like to add that I am praying for your mom and for you.

Love2"Q", I know what you mean. I spent quite some time at the ER when I first got cellulitis in July. I was sitting there feeling like my leg was on fire--I thought they were never going to see me, and when they did, I thought they were never going to finish.

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Old 11-15-2008, 07:21 PM   #3759
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Originally Posted by Barbara L View Post
Barb, There's not much I can add to what the others have already said, but I would like to add that I am praying for your mom and for you.

Love2"Q", I know what you mean. I spent quite some time at the ER when I first got cellulitis in July. I was sitting there feeling like my leg was on fire--I thought they were never going to see me, and when they did, I thought they were never going to finish.

i was just thinking today that i had not see you in awhile, barb. where u been? hope all is well
"life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain"
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Old 11-15-2008, 07:28 PM   #3760
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mom Barb. Know that you all are in my prayers.

If you have much, give of your wealth. If you have little, give of your heart. - Arab proverb
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