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Old 09-04-2009, 07:31 PM   #4531
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I just want to warn everyone in advance that I will be down in the dumps for awhile. Starting with the day of my accident, August 23, which also is the day that 4 years ago my mom had a massive stroke and heart attack which put her in the hospital completely paralyzed unable to breathe or swallow on her own, with a feeding tube and a respirator. Then it was discovered that she had stage 4 uterine cancer that was untestable due to the severely weakened state she was in. I am an only child and I had to make the life and death decision by myself. I know she would not want to live on life support at all and I was getting pressured by the hospital doctors to put her on them. I signed a DNR. Then when they found the cancer that made the choice clear. First I didn't even know if she knew what happened to her or if I was even there or if she was in pain. But if she was aware or not I wasn't going to put her on support just so she could die slowly and painfully from the cancer. Her 68th birthday was September 11 and she went into hospice the next day. She passed 7 days later on September 18. She passed at 2AM and I got a call from the home saying (and these are the exact words I will never forget them) "your mother is dead and we need her body out of here within 2 hours. We have no refrigeration and it's hot." I was in shock at the way she spoke to me and by what she said I just hung up. She passed without saying one word to me from the moment she was taken to the hospital but I spent every minute I could at her side. I worked full time ran home to drop off takeout for the family, then went to hospital for 4 hours, then went to her house to clean (she was a shut in and kept everything) and I would get maybe 2 hours at home before it started the next day.

Ok I am sorry to lay all that out but I needed to let some of these emotions out on this sad anniversary. Thank you for your patience.
people can be so cruel. my friend wallie is now a vegetable more or less as they have her drugged so she can't get out of bed. they want her quiet. the hospital called her daughter and wanted her approval for three drugs. she told them that they were just restraining her with chemicals. the dr. got on the phone and told her that if she did not approve.they would "put her in an insane asylum" of course he can't do that but she got very upset. she is trying to get a referral to another doctor. poor wallie, breaks my heart. even time i hear my wind chimes, i think of her. she gave them to me on my birthday.

i am so sorry you are having such a hard time. i wish i could tell you it will pass. it is to soon, not to be still in mourning. i am thinking of u.
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Old 09-04-2009, 10:30 PM   #4532
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people can be so cruel. my friend wallie is now a vegetable more or less as they have her drugged so she can't get out of bed. they want her quiet. the hospital called her daughter and wanted her approval for three drugs. she told them that they were just restraining her with chemicals. the dr. got on the phone and told her that if she did not approve.they would "put her in an insane asylum" of course he can't do that but she got very upset. she is trying to get a referral to another doctor. poor wallie, breaks my heart. even time i hear my wind chimes, i think of her. she gave them to me on my birthday.

i am so sorry you are having such a hard time. i wish i could tell you it will pass. it is to soon, not to be still in mourning. i am thinking of u.
thank you for the kind words. you and wallie is still in my prayers
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Old 09-05-2009, 09:39 AM   #4533
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{msmofet and babetoo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Old 09-05-2009, 11:33 AM   #4534
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{msmofet and babetoo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
thank you alix
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Old 09-05-2009, 01:03 PM   #4535
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You're welcome sweetie. I posted that chocolate pound cake recipe for you. Sometimes the only thing that helps is a hug and a good hit of chocolate.
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Old 09-05-2009, 01:13 PM   #4536
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You're welcome sweetie. I posted that chocolate pound cake recipe for you. Sometimes the only thing that helps is a hug and a good hit of chocolate.
thank you but i missed the recipe please post link here for me i really want to see that!!
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Old 09-05-2009, 04:01 PM   #4537
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A word to the wise here ... there is NO excuse for the treatment you got msmofat. However, for some of us you CAN prevent that happening to your children, especially if you're getting on in years or have cancer or a heart condition that could go south any time. I know for some it is ghoulish or it makes them fear for causing bad luck (just as some refuse to make out wills). My parents (75 and 79, Mom with cancer) made their plans well in advance (at least a decade ago) so their bodies will be taken care of without us girls having to shoulder these responsibilities. The local funeral home will immediately go to work once one of them dies. And, no, they are not wealthy, they're what most would call lower middle class, if that. So save your children from what she had to go through. No one is immortal, although I hate to say it, many of us boomers like to think if we eat enough granola we will be. So, think of your children and make plans so that in their terrible hours they won't have to make horrible, expensive decisions or get a call like that one! I'd be devastated.

My heart goes out to you.
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Old 09-05-2009, 04:43 PM   #4538
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A word to the wise here ... there is NO excuse for the treatment you got msmofat. However, for some of us you CAN prevent that happening to your children, especially if you're getting on in years or have cancer or a heart condition that could go south any time. I know for some it is ghoulish or it makes them fear for causing bad luck (just as some refuse to make out wills). My parents (75 and 79, Mom with cancer) made their plans well in advance (at least a decade ago) so their bodies will be taken care of without us girls having to shoulder these responsibilities. The local funeral home will immediately go to work once one of them dies. And, no, they are not wealthy, they're what most would call lower middle class, if that. So save your children from what she had to go through. No one is immortal, although I hate to say it, many of us boomers like to think if we eat enough granola we will be. So, think of your children and make plans so that in their terrible hours they won't have to make horrible, expensive decisions or get a call like that one! I'd be devastated.

My heart goes out to you.
thank you. the funeral home i called was wonderful and kind to me. it was the hospice that sucked!!
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Old 09-05-2009, 05:07 PM   #4539
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When my dad and mom each passed, I was so very lucky. Hospice and the Funeral home were so kind and helpful..The problem I encountered was with my mother. She thought she had the flu, so we took her to the hospital..And here was the biggest mistake of my life and one I still regret. They admitted her and each day a different doctor would come in, send her for this and that and each one told us a different story about what was wrong. Then, I was feeding her as the nurse who was supposed to was busy talking to another nurse about where they were going after work...Mom coughed, (smoker cough)..I was told to stop feeding her and she was not to have any liquid because she would aspirate it and get pneumonia..I tried to tell them she was a smoker but nursie got to the incoming doc and he followed her lead..My mom's favorite thing in the world was her coffee, now it was so thick you thought it was jello. she took one sip realized it was thick and from that time refused to eat or drink..I find it hard to forgive myself for not just taking her home..That was what she wanted but I let the doctors over rule her and me..To this day I blame myself for her dying in that awful hospital...So, stick to your guns. Claire wonderful post and one to heed. Thank you.
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:36 AM   #4540
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When my dad and mom each passed, I was so very lucky. Hospice and the Funeral home were so kind and helpful..The problem I encountered was with my mother. She thought she had the flu, so we took her to the hospital..And here was the biggest mistake of my life and one I still regret. They admitted her and each day a different doctor would come in, send her for this and that and each one told us a different story about what was wrong. Then, I was feeding her as the nurse who was supposed to was busy talking to another nurse about where they were going after work...Mom coughed, (smoker cough)..I was told to stop feeding her and she was not to have any liquid because she would aspirate it and get pneumonia..I tried to tell them she was a smoker but nursie got to the incoming doc and he followed her lead..My mom's favorite thing in the world was her coffee, now it was so thick you thought it was jello. she took one sip realized it was thick and from that time refused to eat or drink..I find it hard to forgive myself for not just taking her home..That was what she wanted but I let the doctors over rule her and me..To this day I blame myself for her dying in that awful hospital...So, stick to your guns. Claire wonderful post and one to heed. Thank you.
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(((((kadesma)))) I know how you feel, my mom died in the hospital too. She was only 66.
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