Old Venting Thread

[Brooksy]

Texasgirl,
Although you are not my Mom, Happy Mothers' Day.

Males generally are self-centred and ignorant of the needs of others. Believe me, as a male I know what I'm talking about. Your son at the moment is going through another stage of his development and believe me he has failed.

I did pretty much what you son has done when I was in my late teens which ended up with me being tossed out of the family home. At the time I didn't see what the problem was, drinking beer with my mates, etc, but as a parent all came clear. Everything revolved around me, I had to prove myself better than my peers, at all times and challenges. Unfortunately this behaviour has left scars that will never heal.

With our sons I make sure that they understand why their mother asks favours of them, and why these requests should be carried out without question or delay.

Please try to sit your son down and talk to him directly, look straight into his eyes and make sure he knows how much hurt he has caused you, without saying it.

The only thing that I can see now is that you must give him the boot. He values his friends more than you so he can go and live with them. He must also do his own washing, cleaning, cooking etc etc.

We have one still nest bound, by his choice not mine, and he is careful to do all his mother asks, without question or grumble, that's the way it has to be, because if he doesn't his clothes will be in the driveway, no fuss, no arguments......

Respectfully, a big hug from Australia mate.

Thoughts with you mate, and a prayer for your son that he sees the error of his ways.

 

[licia]

Kadesma gave you some very good advice - I agree totally. I'm sorry this all happened on a day that should have been a good one for you. You did the right thing and sometimes that really hurts and makes us screwyheaded wondering if it WAS the right thing. It hurts us as much as anyone who is going thru the learning process. Like Kadesma said, we've been there and survived - you can too. Remember "tough love".

 

[SizzlininIN]

I'm so sorry Tex that the day didn't turn out how you had wanted it to. Kads advice is right on. Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back for standing up for yourself and your wishes girl.....this stipulation is not unreasonable and he needs to grow up and understand it, among other things. (((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

[Michelemarie]

TG, I'm sorry your day did not turn out they way you wanted it to. You were blessed to be with one of your sons, though, right? Kadesma is right - you did the right thing. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't the easiest thing to do - that is what separates good parents from bad parents. Remember this, you are helping him-as hard as it is for you right now. One day he will understand. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves you very much - you are a good, no, great mom! Today is a new day-hugs girlfriend.

 

[csalt]

[URL=http://imageshack.us]

[/URL]

TG I am so very sorry for your heartache. Both Brooksie and Kadesma are absolutely right but I know that doesn't change the situation or take the pain away.Sometimes our children , who are young adults, make the wrong choices in spite of out guidance You must try to remember that everything you have done and said you have done with profound love, you have NOTHING to blame yourself for. Try to hang in there and come back here when you feel you have no-one to talk to.
We cannot change things for you but we do genuinely care.

 

[Alix]

Oh Texasgirl, I'm so sorry you had such heartache to deal with. That would be hard on any day, but doubly hard on Mothers Day. You are not wrong to put boundaries in place, its important. Read what Brooksy said, he is spot on about young men. Just because your son acted like a doofus doesn't mean he doesn't love you to bits. He DOES. He is just at the most selfish point in his life right now and the world revolves around him and his needs/wants. He will grow up. Happens to all of us eventually, some just take longer than others. Just hang in there, and wait for that moment when life gives him the old "hockey stick between the eyes" wake up call. HUGS!

 

[texasgirl]

Thank you to all of you!! I'm still hurt over it, but, we'll see how he plays his next hand tonight. I love my boys so much and I just hate being that way, but, enough is enough. I'M the one that has caught him every time he fell, not the idiot friends!! I will be okay though. He will come around if I have to put a foot in his rear end to get him there.

 

[Dina]

Txgirl,
I'm sorry to hear about the pain you're going through. Stay firm with your son. It takes persistance with our kids to get them to understand but as long as we don't give up on them, we can prevail. He will come around, you'll see. Faith, love and patience will bring your son back to you. Hang in there. I'm keeping you and your son in my prayers. Hugs,

 

[CharlieD]

Is there shoulder I can cry into?

After going thru almost 8 month of physical therapy, for my arm, I was feeling great, but 2 weeks ago, playing with one of my daughters she pooled my arm and now, for the last 2 weeks I am in tremendous amount of pain around my elbow. As if this wasn’t enough, my gout kick in and last 4-5 days I’m suffering from gout, well if this was not enough this morning I woke up and my right foot big toe hurts. Not sure if it is infection or ingrown nail. BTW, how do you know what it is? How does one find out what to do without going to doctor?
So my whole right side is one big pain now. I’m just really mad about all this. It sucks getting old. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[Barb L.]

So sorry Charlie for the the pain your having, when I have a sore toe I put Neosporin on it , then a bandaid. Usually helps me - may have to continue this until its better. Good luck, and hope you feel better soon. Barb

 

[CharlieD]

thanks Barb, I'll try

 

[texasgirl]

OUCH, Charlie!! Hope you get to feeling good again really soon!!

 

[pdswife]

Ouch! Hope you feel better soon!

 

[YT2095]

As if this wasn’t enough, my gout kick in and last 4-5 days I’m suffering from gout, well if this was not enough this morning I woke up and my right foot big toe hurts.

are you sure it doesn`t hurt BECAUSE of the gout?
this is the same place I have mine also, and during a flare up, I cannot even have a bed sheet on my foot.
I expect you`re already taking allopurinol daily, but do you have any strong NSAIDs to take?
if you don`t, get some from your Doc, Piroxicam (Feldene) is good!


you have my sympathies though, I DO know what it`s like

 

[JoAnn L.]

Is there shoulder I can cry into?

After going thru almost 8 month of physical therapy, for my arm, I was feeling great, but 2 weeks ago, playing with one of my daughters she pooled my arm and now, for the last 2 weeks I am in tremendous amount of pain around my elbow. As if this wasn’t enough, my gout kick in and last 4-5 days I’m suffering from gout, well if this was not enough this morning I woke up and my right foot big toe hurts. Not sure if it is infection or ingrown nail. BTW, how do you know what it is? How does one find out what to do without going to doctor?
So my whole right side is one big pain now. I’m just really mad about all this. It sucks getting old. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

You have my sympathy. With me it is my shoulder, it was doing real good until I bumped into the corner of the wall the other day,( I am doing that all the time ) I am so clumsy. My daughter was over the other day and I was telling her about it, when I walked out of the room she said, mom, you just did it again. My mother had gout, so I know how you are suffering. She had it in her feet , so many times she would have to crawl on her knees, it hurt so bad. I hope and pray that you find some comfort from your pain. JoAnn.

 

[texasgirl]

Well, my youngest stayed home today for his 20th birthday and just called to let me know that my oldest just came and got all of his stuff
I'm so sick. Maybe I should have just given in again and picked him up! I don't know how my mom survived 4 girls. I wish him the best and hope that he made the right decision. I want that day back so badly. It could all be different right now if I had gone and picked him up. I know he has to grow though. He has counted on me all his life to help him. I will continue to do so, with discretion.

 

[Alix]

texasgirl, is that a hint of guilt and self blame I hear in your words? Don't you go there. You know what you need to do. You drew a line and you're standing by it, good for you! He will always love you and now will respect you more for creating a boundary. It hurts now, and I wish I could hug you to make you feel better, but it will in the long run be a good thing. Hang on girl! Good thoughts and warm hugs coming your way.

 

[JoAnn L.]

Well, my youngest stayed home today for his 20th birthday and just called to let me know that my oldest just came and got all of his stuff
I'm so sick. Maybe I should have just given in again and picked him up! I don't know how my mom survived 4 girls. I wish him the best and hope that he made the right decision. I want that day back so badly. It could all be different right now if I had gone and picked him up. I know he has to grow though. He has counted on me all his life to help him. I will continue to do so, with discretion.

My heart goes out to you. As a mom, we have all been there. I agree with Alix. You hang in there. Lots of love and hugs to you.

 

[texasgirl]

How do you do it?? I'm scared to death for him. Everything that has already happened to him and he is hanging out with those low lifes again. I just don't understand!!

 

[Alix]

You just have to grit your teeth and let go texasgirl. Its the curse of being a parent that you will feel every bump and bruise for the rest of his life. The blessing is that he will recognize your love and sacrifice a little further down the road.

You just keep right on talking to us all, we are here to support you sweetie.