Old Venting Thread
- Thread starter Alix
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buckytom
Chef Extraordinaire
mav, again, i'm sorry you seem to have taken offense to my post.
i thought about it afterwards, and figured that you were probably the one who would be making the most sacrifices.
but you mentioned your kids in your original vent as an afterthought. to quote "And then there's the kids". i just thought you might need, like i said, a wake up call to make sure you have your priorities straight as you wallow in yoiur self pity.
now, i hope you understand the reason i'm being so harsh about this is that i've been through almost the same exact things. except that it was before we had our son. but a lot of that stuff carried over.
while i wallowed, my dad talked to me just the way i wrote to you. looking back, i realized that i really needed it. lol, in fact, my post sounds an awful lot like i became my dad for a few minutes there.
anyway, the point i was making that seems to have been lost is that the ONLY important matter is that you need to provide a stable environment for your kids, at all times. if your wife is that messed up, you might have to bite the bullet and force this issue.
the worst part is that you can't ask your kids what they want. as you've said, they don't know the entire situation, and will (should) never know the pain in your heart from it. you are going to have to do this by yourself. (btw, we all carry around baggage in our hearts. it's about how you deal with it, and hopefully let it go in time)
co-habitating is something that never works, from my experiences. ok, well, it may for some people, but not when there's been truely hurtful things done and said. it would be difficult to stay together even if she was apologizing and trying to make up for it, nevermind continuing to say worse things.
and once a cheater, always a cheater.
so, that's my 2 cents. i will respect your wishes to let this go, if you want. but realize that everyone who responded to your vent had your best intentions in mind, and are trying to be supportive, myself included.
you have a tough road ahead, so if you need someone to talk to you like my dad does, you know i'm here.
i thought about it afterwards, and figured that you were probably the one who would be making the most sacrifices.
but you mentioned your kids in your original vent as an afterthought. to quote "And then there's the kids". i just thought you might need, like i said, a wake up call to make sure you have your priorities straight as you wallow in yoiur self pity.
now, i hope you understand the reason i'm being so harsh about this is that i've been through almost the same exact things. except that it was before we had our son. but a lot of that stuff carried over.
while i wallowed, my dad talked to me just the way i wrote to you. looking back, i realized that i really needed it. lol, in fact, my post sounds an awful lot like i became my dad for a few minutes there.
anyway, the point i was making that seems to have been lost is that the ONLY important matter is that you need to provide a stable environment for your kids, at all times. if your wife is that messed up, you might have to bite the bullet and force this issue.
the worst part is that you can't ask your kids what they want. as you've said, they don't know the entire situation, and will (should) never know the pain in your heart from it. you are going to have to do this by yourself. (btw, we all carry around baggage in our hearts. it's about how you deal with it, and hopefully let it go in time)
co-habitating is something that never works, from my experiences. ok, well, it may for some people, but not when there's been truely hurtful things done and said. it would be difficult to stay together even if she was apologizing and trying to make up for it, nevermind continuing to say worse things.
and once a cheater, always a cheater.
so, that's my 2 cents. i will respect your wishes to let this go, if you want. but realize that everyone who responded to your vent had your best intentions in mind, and are trying to be supportive, myself included.
you have a tough road ahead, so if you need someone to talk to you like my dad does, you know i'm here.
OP
OP
No dogbaker, you're right on. I am the OP and when I started this thread I was about ready to dropkick my sewing machine into the neighbours yard. Thanks for the sympathies!
Saphellae
Head Chef
It's hard for anyone to give advice about something like that, Mav. You have to go with your gut feeling, no matter what your heart is telling you. Will she do it again? The kids will eventually pick up that something is wrong later in life if something like this happens again - they'll see the relationship between you and your wife and think that it is normal - it may damage any of their future relationships. Think about what's best for the kids in the long run - but also what's best for you, and her. If it's going to be a lifetime of history repeating itself, save your entire family the trouble - even if you love her, love is not doing what she did.
Just to add.. My best friend has been with the same man for almost 20 years. They have two children together and are married. He has cheated on her numerous times, and she has stayed. After the last time, late last year, she has been unhappy and does not feel the same about him. She is staying with him for the kids - that's all. I can see how unhappy she is and I am always urging her to go, but she won't. Her life is miserable at times and sometimes she can't even look at him. I'm not sure about your entire situation, as nobody but you does, but from an outsiders point of view, do you really think she will change in the long run if she hasn't now?
Just to add.. My best friend has been with the same man for almost 20 years. They have two children together and are married. He has cheated on her numerous times, and she has stayed. After the last time, late last year, she has been unhappy and does not feel the same about him. She is staying with him for the kids - that's all. I can see how unhappy she is and I am always urging her to go, but she won't. Her life is miserable at times and sometimes she can't even look at him. I'm not sure about your entire situation, as nobody but you does, but from an outsiders point of view, do you really think she will change in the long run if she hasn't now?
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OP
OP
Wow. Maverick, PM me if you want to talk more, but in the meantime take a deep breath and focus. Reread what has been said to you. Then find a quiet moment and really think about some things. What is the BEST solution for your kids that you can live with? Its clear from your posts that you put your kids first, its also clear if you are seeing a therapist for cutting etc that you are working through some of your own stuff. What can you manage? What are you teaching your kids either way? If you stay in this relationship, you need to be open and honest with your wife that you are there for the kids and you need to present a united front for them. If you leave, you need to make sure the kids understand whats up. Kids are most vulnerable to a parental separation from about 10 - 15 or so. It really screws them up. Tough balancing act. Kids welfare on one side you on the other. Someone with your gentle and generous heart doesn't deserve this. I think you also know what decision you need to make. Please talk to BT, he really does know what he is talking about. You are more alike than you know and I think he could really help you work through some of this.
(BT, sorry to throw you out there without asking first, but I know you well enough to know you'll be OK with it. If not...send me some of that goose turd you love so much!)
(BT, sorry to throw you out there without asking first, but I know you well enough to know you'll be OK with it. If not...send me some of that goose turd you love so much!)
buckytom
Chef Extraordinaire
no prob, alix.
you just have to give me a minute to get into my "dad" routine. (a grizzled, old, wwii veteran/firefighter/writer).
you just have to give me a minute to get into my "dad" routine. (a grizzled, old, wwii veteran/firefighter/writer).
OP
OP
Holy cow, you just described my Dad. WWII navy vet. We called him a curmudgeon. Biggest marshmallow in the world under that gruff exterior though.
OK. How stupid is this?
I made an appt to get my vehicle inspected today. I was told to drop it off at noon and it would take about an hour. So, I had someone pick me up and I took them to lunch. She dropped me off 15 minutes ago to pick up my vehicle, or so I thought.
They were JUST STARTING ON IT! When I walked in the mechanic said, we take lunch from 12 to 1:00, we're just starting. Well then why did you tell me to drop it off at noon then?! How stupid is that?!
So I've got his truck so I could get back home and tend to some things, but I just had to vent here first.....
Thank you
I made an appt to get my vehicle inspected today. I was told to drop it off at noon and it would take about an hour. So, I had someone pick me up and I took them to lunch. She dropped me off 15 minutes ago to pick up my vehicle, or so I thought.
They were JUST STARTING ON IT! When I walked in the mechanic said, we take lunch from 12 to 1:00, we're just starting. Well then why did you tell me to drop it off at noon then?! How stupid is that?!
So I've got his truck so I could get back home and tend to some things, but I just had to vent here first.....
Thank you
LadyCook61
Master Chef
Nothing major , just frustrated that I saw 2 blue herons fly past and didn't get a photo of them. It is the first time I've seen two at one time .
babetoo
Chef Extraordinaire
i am mad at the handyman. and he is not even working for me. lol
supposed to be working for man next door on his porch. he took a three day week-end. yesterday he spent most of his time asleep sitting up on my sofa. left early. no see em today at all.
at least he is consistent.
babe
supposed to be working for man next door on his porch. he took a three day week-end. yesterday he spent most of his time asleep sitting up on my sofa. left early. no see em today at all.
at least he is consistent.
babe
my stepmother was a wiz with sewing machines and could operate any of them .Now I have a featherweight old singer and it is as simple as it gets. i still manage to get frustrated. I would sew more if it was not for the mechanical challenges.
nice to meet you and know I am not alone .
Barbara L
Traveling Welcome Wagon
Maverick2272
Washing Up
I have an old Singer as well, in great condition in one of those antique desks with the swing out extension and hidden drawer in the side. I can never seem to quite get the hang of it on a consistent basis and I was a good sewer in high school.
The neighbor was a seamstress, and was going to help us with it and teach us a few things but never did get around to it.
But yea, I can certainly relate to the frustration sometimes.
Maverick2272
Washing Up
They needed a vehicle to drive to lunch in! That's how they save on gas!
Reminds of Feris Beuller's Day Off, when he parked that beautiful Corvette downtown and they took it for a joyride!
Okay, another car vent.
Our car broke down on Saturday and friends of ours who we sold our old car to lent is back to us and we are actually thinking of buying it back from them as they now have more vehicles than they need and our other car is probably beyond repair.
We own a townhouse and have two parking stalls. DH was driving the kids to a BBQ around 3 and then came home and parked in the secondary stall as he has been all weekend and as he parked the same car before we sold it in October.
There has been a blitz of towing vehicles that are parked in front of the buildings, even for 5 minutes to unload groceries or to load up for a move.
A friend came over for dinner and a movie and DH was about to drive her home and pick up DD and her hubby. Well, I got off the phone with DD and it wrang again real quick....it was DH from the parking lot telling me that the car was not in the stall. He phones the towing company and they towed it because it was unauthorized. If they tow from a stall they have to check with the owners of the stall and obviously they didn't. It will be $86.00 to get it out.
We called the police and they said if it was towed by the towing company they can't do anything about it because it wasn't "stolen", even though it was. We called our management office's emergency number and they said they can only deal with fires and break-ins (don't we have police and firemen to deal with those?). we have to wait until 9:00 to talk to the manager. DH starts work at 8:00 am and uses the car for work. I have my very important doctor's appointment in the late morning.
I am so mad right now which is not helping my pain levels very much. We used to like where we live but it is seeming that we are more like renters than owners.
Our car broke down on Saturday and friends of ours who we sold our old car to lent is back to us and we are actually thinking of buying it back from them as they now have more vehicles than they need and our other car is probably beyond repair.
We own a townhouse and have two parking stalls. DH was driving the kids to a BBQ around 3 and then came home and parked in the secondary stall as he has been all weekend and as he parked the same car before we sold it in October.
There has been a blitz of towing vehicles that are parked in front of the buildings, even for 5 minutes to unload groceries or to load up for a move.
A friend came over for dinner and a movie and DH was about to drive her home and pick up DD and her hubby. Well, I got off the phone with DD and it wrang again real quick....it was DH from the parking lot telling me that the car was not in the stall. He phones the towing company and they towed it because it was unauthorized. If they tow from a stall they have to check with the owners of the stall and obviously they didn't. It will be $86.00 to get it out.
We called the police and they said if it was towed by the towing company they can't do anything about it because it wasn't "stolen", even though it was. We called our management office's emergency number and they said they can only deal with fires and break-ins (don't we have police and firemen to deal with those?). we have to wait until 9:00 to talk to the manager. DH starts work at 8:00 am and uses the car for work. I have my very important doctor's appointment in the late morning.
I am so mad right now which is not helping my pain levels very much. We used to like where we live but it is seeming that we are more like renters than owners.
Maverick2272
Washing Up
That can be complicated to deal with. Hopefully the manager can help you out as he should have some pull with the towing company.
Otherwise, I don't know what you would call it in your courts, but here you would have to take the towing company to small claims court to get your $86 back on the grounds they did not check with the owner of the stall prior to towing.
It is also the same stance I would take with the manager, that since they did not check with you they are in the wrong and should release the vehicle back to you with no charge or he can reconsider their business arrangement.
Hope you are able to work it out.
Otherwise, I don't know what you would call it in your courts, but here you would have to take the towing company to small claims court to get your $86 back on the grounds they did not check with the owner of the stall prior to towing.
It is also the same stance I would take with the manager, that since they did not check with you they are in the wrong and should release the vehicle back to you with no charge or he can reconsider their business arrangement.
Hope you are able to work it out.
Okay, manger of building says that she personally went out and identified the "wrongly parked vehicle" for the tow truck driver and told him to remove it. The person who has the stall next to ours where DH allegedly parks says he was gone all day and didn't lodge a complaint. When we just pulled into the stall now (car is back $86.50 later) I said to DH there is no way he could get it wrong and he agreed. We already know that the manager lies and bends the rules to suit herself. We have a sign in the window asking if anyone can verify which stall the car was in around the time it was towed.
This has really shaken DH up because he knows he didn't do anything wrong and yet everyone is pointing the finger at him (manager, towing company) and that is what I am most mad at. The money hurts, but it is just money.
This has really shaken DH up because he knows he didn't do anything wrong and yet everyone is pointing the finger at him (manager, towing company) and that is what I am most mad at. The money hurts, but it is just money.
Saphellae
Head Chef
That would really tick me off LP, I hate people like that.
Maverick2272
Washing Up
If you have a small claims style court, I would pay the small fee and file against her for the $86.50. Not her company or the tow company, just her personally. If you claim the vehicle was properly parked and she claims it wasn't, she actually has to prove it was not properly parked to justify the tow otherwise she looses.
She might try to argue she acted on behalf of the management company, but you can counter that since she did not contact either you or the owner of the other stall prior to towing she was not acting in accordance with the rules and therefore acting on her own.
You won't get all your money back, you may not win, but she may think twice about messing around with this again. Plus, I would pass fliers around to all the residents detailing what she is doing and warning them against her behavior.
Maybe even start a petition asking for her removal. Non of this gets your money back and it may not even get you anywhere, but I am sure you will feel better for standing up for yourself and giving her something to think about in the future.
She might try to argue she acted on behalf of the management company, but you can counter that since she did not contact either you or the owner of the other stall prior to towing she was not acting in accordance with the rules and therefore acting on her own.
You won't get all your money back, you may not win, but she may think twice about messing around with this again. Plus, I would pass fliers around to all the residents detailing what she is doing and warning them against her behavior.
Maybe even start a petition asking for her removal. Non of this gets your money back and it may not even get you anywhere, but I am sure you will feel better for standing up for yourself and giving her something to think about in the future.
Thanks, Buddy. We put a note on our car and actually got someone who saw it get towed respond. He said that there was no car in 248 when the manager and tow truck got there so she (manager) said "tow this one, I don't think it belongs". We got him to put it in writing, and the manager forked over the $86.50 out of her own pocket pretty quickly.
Well, this is another wrap-up to a previous vent of mine regarding my health. I saw the surgeon yesterday and he asked what I wanted to do. I said I was leaning toward the replacment because I just wanted it done and over with and didn't like the odds with the scope. He talked some more saying that we would know in 6 months whether the scope would work (50/50 chance) and I could have one every two years until I was "old enough" for the replacement. I reluctantly agreed to this but when I was filling out the forms it just didn't feel right. I was feeling like I was settling. We asked the receptionist how long a wait for the 2 procedures and she said August for the scope (not the two weeks he had quoted before) and September or early October for the replacement.
I said I wanted to think about it and so was going to leave and call when I was ready. But she talked to the doctor who had me back in and he said he would do either procedure but wanted ME to be sure. So it ended with me signing both consent forms and calling in next Monday with the answer. Well, I am calling in today because I have thought, talked, prayed and researched and am at peace with having the replacement done and out of the way. Yes, I will have to have it done again in 15 - 20 years, but that is 15-20 years of guaranteed relief, not 6 months to two years of maybes.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers on this. It means I still have to wait in pain, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it looks real good!
Well, this is another wrap-up to a previous vent of mine regarding my health. I saw the surgeon yesterday and he asked what I wanted to do. I said I was leaning toward the replacment because I just wanted it done and over with and didn't like the odds with the scope. He talked some more saying that we would know in 6 months whether the scope would work (50/50 chance) and I could have one every two years until I was "old enough" for the replacement. I reluctantly agreed to this but when I was filling out the forms it just didn't feel right. I was feeling like I was settling. We asked the receptionist how long a wait for the 2 procedures and she said August for the scope (not the two weeks he had quoted before) and September or early October for the replacement.
I said I wanted to think about it and so was going to leave and call when I was ready. But she talked to the doctor who had me back in and he said he would do either procedure but wanted ME to be sure. So it ended with me signing both consent forms and calling in next Monday with the answer. Well, I am calling in today because I have thought, talked, prayed and researched and am at peace with having the replacement done and out of the way. Yes, I will have to have it done again in 15 - 20 years, but that is 15-20 years of guaranteed relief, not 6 months to two years of maybes.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers on this. It means I still have to wait in pain, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it looks real good!
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