Barbara L
Traveling Welcome Wagon
I agree. Prayers going up for you luvs, as always.
Barbara
Barbara
Old Venting Thread
- Thread starter Alix
- Start date
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If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
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expatgirl
Master Chef
so what are you going to do now, luvs? Make a decision and don't be afraid........you don't have to tell us just make one.......we're behind you........
OP
OP
Minor vent on my part.
I'm really tired of people behaving badly here and then complaining (either in PM or on other sites) about getting moderated/banned. I'm tired of people assuming things and making disparaging remarks. This is something we volunteer to do in our spare time (which some of us have precious little of) and when people get nasty it really ticks me off. And more on others behalf than my own. BAH! Ok, enough of that vent.
Slightly bigger vent.
My Mom is not very well. This is her own choice (not taking meds) and even though I've tried to point out the dangers she has continued. She snips at me for doing anything to care for her, and then fawns all over ANYONE else who does anything for her. Thats not the vent part yet believe it or not. The frustration is that I am getting guilted/chastised for not doing things that Mom refuses to let me do. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Danged if I do, and danged if I don't.
I'm really tired of people behaving badly here and then complaining (either in PM or on other sites) about getting moderated/banned. I'm tired of people assuming things and making disparaging remarks. This is something we volunteer to do in our spare time (which some of us have precious little of) and when people get nasty it really ticks me off. And more on others behalf than my own. BAH! Ok, enough of that vent.
Slightly bigger vent.
My Mom is not very well. This is her own choice (not taking meds) and even though I've tried to point out the dangers she has continued. She snips at me for doing anything to care for her, and then fawns all over ANYONE else who does anything for her. Thats not the vent part yet believe it or not. The frustration is that I am getting guilted/chastised for not doing things that Mom refuses to let me do. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Danged if I do, and danged if I don't.
Alix, how well I know what you're going through..I had to care for my dad and did it gladly and at 90 lbs.It was a major work to pick him up and move him from place to place. But I did it and now I'm so glad..I had to grow a set of armor and find the best ear plugs made. I did it, but after I le someone have it but good..I didn't pick dad up right, I wasn't cooking right why was I letting him have all that junk he loved a Hamburger now and then or a hot dog and all that darn watermelon..So I asked the doctor and a nurse..They said give him ice cream if he wants it 4 times a day, Lord he is on his last legs, let him at least enjoy food..Then next time I got the song and dance, I handed the person after me dad's tray and said here I'm going away for 2 weeks, you take care of him OH and he has an appointment for a hair cut and a doctors appointment several in fact and he is planning a day in the park!! Amazing how fast we shut up and went home never to return..Poor dad missed my sister so much but I knew he appreciated what I was doing. When he was gone, my mom started to smoke again and it drove my sister nuts, she never came down hee for the last 3 years of my moms life, In a way I was glad she had dementia and couldn't remember, but it cut me to the quick when she would ask over and over where her baby was...So you grow a coat of armor and let mom ask for someone else, and give others the thank yous and in your heart you remember being her little girl and how she loved you and hold close what you've done because others just like you know and love you for what you ae doing.
cj
babetoo
Chef Extraordinaire
alex, i think you do a great thankless job here. so thanks so much.
babe
babe
OP
OP
Thanks Babe. Its not really about me, just about crap said about others mostly. Gets me steamed.
kadesma, thanks so much. I'm just so twisted in a swivet. My Mom has always been so independent and happy and full of joy. I know its been hard since Dad died but seeing her give up is making me mental.
kadesma, thanks so much. I'm just so twisted in a swivet. My Mom has always been so independent and happy and full of joy. I know its been hard since Dad died but seeing her give up is making me mental.
I know Alix,
I watched my mom go from a woman who loved to go go go, to one who would only go out once a week with us and some friends and even that became a long drawn out deal, just to get her ready and to even remember she was going out..I saw the same thing happed with he dad and so I knew what was coming..And believe me, it's hard, it gets to your last nerve and you have to bite your tongue and several times I didn't..So now there are nights where I think about what I said and cry myself to sleep..Don't let it get that bad for you ALix,take a break, walk away and let things immer, then you have nothing to cry about..You have already done more than most children do for their parents..You've got a lot to be proud of.
Bless you
cj
I watched my mom go from a woman who loved to go go go, to one who would only go out once a week with us and some friends and even that became a long drawn out deal, just to get her ready and to even remember she was going out..I saw the same thing happed with he dad and so I knew what was coming..And believe me, it's hard, it gets to your last nerve and you have to bite your tongue and several times I didn't..So now there are nights where I think about what I said and cry myself to sleep..Don't let it get that bad for you ALix,take a break, walk away and let things immer, then you have nothing to cry about..You have already done more than most children do for their parents..You've got a lot to be proud of.
Bless you
cj
Barbara L
Traveling Welcome Wagon
I really feel for you Alix. Your mom is an adult and, as you know, you cannot make her take her medicines. The ones who are criticizing you should put themselves in your shoes. Unfortunately we, as humans, often feel we need someone to blame, and we don't like to blame someone who is suffering, so you are the one who is handy.
Hugs and prayers,
Barbara
Hugs and prayers,
Barbara
expatgirl
Master Chef
Alix, dealing with someone's depression is the hardest thing that anyone will ever have to do.......you can't shake them out of it though you'd like to.......my heart and hugs go out to you.........you and the other mods are very much appreciated here....Your time is valuable and yet you volunteer to make this place a safe place to come to...I've visited a few other sites and the trolls are horrible and so is the language and the stabs in the back...it's a dog eat dog world....if people get banned they've been warned several times.......it's not like it came out of the blue.........I remember my first year here some smarm acting stupid like he was from the mideast (really hacked me off because I have many friends from there and I know how they talk)----he was mocking DC and I told him off and to leave and not come back (not me?).........you would have thought that would have been enough to kick me off but no, a firm though nice pm from one of the moderators came back saying that I couldn't do that.........no threats of expulsion, etc., just don't do it again........I listened..........so if people get thrown off they have been warned several times.........you can't force someone to take their meds unless you have legal control over them and they are in an assisted facility.......the suggestion to take one step away is a good one........you have tried.......that's all you can do even though it's killing you inside....all my hugs....debs
kitchenelf
Chef Extraordinaire
Alix - people are crying out for you to do something to help her...but not really! They are crying out because they want her to not be the way she is i.e., failing health. They don't want to see her go downhill and they want YOU, unrealistically, to stop it.
miniman
Executive Chef
Virtual hugs and prayers for you Alix - as Kadesma said, it is the people who do the looking after that are important rather than the ones who just talk about it (and can always do it better) but are not prepared to actally do the work.
We all appreciate and respect the work you do for your mum (and as a mod as well).
We all appreciate and respect the work you do for your mum (and as a mod as well).
mikki
Sous Chef
Alix- When my gram got sick, my mom couldn't do anything right. I could do the same thing the same way and my gram would thank me and be really appreciate it. One day I told her you know my is the one who told me what do do and how to do it, how come you don't thank her? She told me that, that is her daughter and it's what she is suppose to do, I was he granddaughter so it was not expected.
I told my gram that maybe it's what she is suppose to do, but not she didn't really have to, she could have put her in a nursing home and let other people look after her. I also told her that it hurt my moms feelings when she yelled at her all the time and thanked other people. She didn't realize what she was doing . A few days later she asked my mom to go to lunch with her as a thank you for all she does. After that they tried to go for lunch once a week and that was my moms thank you.
I feel for you and if people are asking why you didn't do this or that, just say it was lower on the priority list this time, but when it needs to be done next time I'll be sure to give you a call.
I told my gram that maybe it's what she is suppose to do, but not she didn't really have to, she could have put her in a nursing home and let other people look after her. I also told her that it hurt my moms feelings when she yelled at her all the time and thanked other people. She didn't realize what she was doing . A few days later she asked my mom to go to lunch with her as a thank you for all she does. After that they tried to go for lunch once a week and that was my moms thank you.
I feel for you and if people are asking why you didn't do this or that, just say it was lower on the priority list this time, but when it needs to be done next time I'll be sure to give you a call.
expatgirl
Master Chef
Good for you...........Mikki.........not that your gram is going to appreciate it but everyone else here will
texasgirl
Master Chef
All you mods are the greatest and anyone with a problem doesn't need to be here anyway!!
Barbara L
Traveling Welcome Wagon
That was great of you to stand up for your mom that way mikki!
(Thanks Stacy!).
Barbara
BAN THE FIENDS!!!!!
(Thanks Stacy!).Barbara
This is so trivial, it's stupid, and those who know me know it fits I decided to make some 5 min bread, we love it so i get things ready, everything is going just fine..I open the oven insert pan of water and decide it needs a tad more..That's right I had to snorkel to get the mop and some towels .My poor DH heard me yelling every truck diver curse I knew and came running thinking I was hurt we both ended up sitting on the floor getting wet and howling...All is mopped up now and I'm here sharing this drivel with you..learn a lesson from ol dummy here: put pan in oven and then pull out the rack with pan on it and add you water..Works every time
kades
I decided to make some 5 min bread, we love it so i get things ready, everything is going just fine..I open the oven insert pan of water and decide it needs a tad more..That's right I had to snorkel to get the mop and some towels .My poor DH heard me yelling every truck diver curse I knew and came running thinking I was hurt we both ended up sitting on the floor getting wet and howling...All is mopped up now and I'm here sharing this drivel with you..learn a lesson from ol dummy here: put pan in oven and then pull out the rack with pan on it and add you water..Works every timekades
The floor sparkles, the bread is great..and I have 2 grown sons that I've heard cuss when they didn't know mom was around..But really it was a high pitched Something that I only do if really ticked off
kades
Something that I only do if really ticked offkades
Kades, You actually get ticked off enough to swear? Seriously, I am glad it wasn't more seious than that and that you have magnificent bread to show for your efforts! Thanks for the laugh!
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