"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 08-13-2009, 09:59 AM   #1
Executive Chef
 
lifesaver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Southeast Kansas
Posts: 4,423
One Liners

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

<><>

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

- Mark Twain

<><>

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending,and to have the two as close together as possible.

- George Burns

<><>

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

<><>

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

<><>

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy, if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

<><>

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

<><>

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

<><>

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

<><>

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

<><>

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

<><>

Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

<><>

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

- Joe Namath

<><>

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

<><>

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

- W. C. Fields

<><>

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

<><>

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

<><>

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

- Phyllis Diller

<><>

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

<><>

And the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.

__________________

__________________
Eat, Drink, Laugh and be Happy.
lifesaver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2009, 11:45 AM   #2
Certified Pretend Chef
 
Andy M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 41,370
Love is grand, divorce is twenty grand.

Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener.

In a child's first years, you try to teach him to walk and talk. For the next dozen years, you are telling him to shut up and sit down.

As a child, she was so ugly her mom had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
__________________

__________________
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
Andy M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2009, 10:59 AM   #3
Sous Chef
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 623
I thought I heard old age creeping up on me, but it was only my wife - unknown.

Any day above the ground is a good day! - unknown

Go ahead. Make my day. - Clint Eastwood as 'Dirty Harry'. couldn't resist.

...and let me tell you, that went over like a fart in church...don't know
who came up with it but it was one of my Grandpap's favorites.
__________________
ellakav is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2009, 04:36 AM   #4
Senior Cook
 
jonnyjonny_uk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Moscow, Russia.
Posts: 445
Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge!
__________________
Cooking With Passion Blog
jonnyjonny_uk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-2009, 08:09 AM   #5
Sous Chef
 
radhuni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Calcutta, India
Posts: 958
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." - Lao Tzu

"In nature a repulsive caterpillar turns into a lovely butterfly. But with humans it is the other way around: a lovely butterfly turns into a repulsive caterpillar. -Anton Chekhov

"It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man." -Albert Einstein
radhuni is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:26 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.