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Old 09-13-2008, 10:21 AM   #1
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Pet Rules

PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions


9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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Old 09-13-2008, 11:06 AM   #2
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BRAVO!!! I am printing now!! I LOVE #2 of for the visitors!! I don't know how many times I hear, oh, dog hair!! DUH!!
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Old 09-13-2008, 11:11 AM   #3
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And so true.
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Old 09-13-2008, 12:08 PM   #4
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Oh this is hilarious! I have to forward this to all my friends who own pets. Great day brightener - at least for me it is - I don't own a pet. Thanks for posting this.
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Old 09-13-2008, 12:37 PM   #5
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Great Thread JPM-I (and every other pet lover on the planet) can relate!!

Thanks for sharing-I am forwarding as fast as I can!!!
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Old 09-13-2008, 12:40 PM   #6
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This is WILD!!!!
I love the "bed" statement, then
the "bath" statement, then the
#3 of "I like my pets...." statement, and in
that order. SOOO FUNNNNYYYYY!!!!!!
Thanks, jpmc.
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Old 09-13-2008, 12:47 PM   #7
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I forgot to say thanks!
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Old 09-13-2008, 01:23 PM   #8
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Too cute, JPM!!!
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Old 09-13-2008, 02:03 PM   #9
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Amen!!! BTW, I posted them on the fridge but the dogs and cat ignored them. LOL
Thanks for the laugh!!
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Old 09-13-2008, 02:49 PM   #10
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I should have posted them outdoors when in Cairo...........marinated a beautiful pork tenderloin, placed the pan on the outdoor patio table next to the grill, forgot the foil, and in the 1 minute it took me to get it, I came back outside, the pan had been pulled all the way across the table to the wall and all that was left was an empty pan and marinade streaks going up and over the wall........I was MAD!!! We had to grab a quick pizza that night........next morning a severely bloated alleycat (that I always chased from the patio as rabies are a serious problem here) was found with an exploded stomach......I guess my cooking is dangerous :):) I fed him scraps outside but not a 3lb marinated tenderloin........
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