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Old 04-17-2013, 11:52 AM   #1111
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Go to the library and ask the librarian if they can recommend an age appropriate child's book on separation anxiety. Read it as often as need be to her.
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Old 04-17-2013, 08:00 PM   #1112
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Sprout, if you haven't read Dr Gordon Neufeld's book Hold On to Your Kids, I highly recommend it. You sound like you're doing all you can. She is clearly distressed and time with you guys is likely going to be the cure. At the moment, she is crying because she is upset and needs comfort, so go for it. You are a savvy enough parent to know when/if that need for comfort changes into a manipulation strategy.

Some of our kids these days are just really sensitive little beasties and need lots and lots of connection and face time. When you HAVE to leave her, make sure you bridge the gap by telling her when you will see her next and that you'll be thinking of her etc. All the stuff I'm sure you're already doing. You might want to give her some little talisman of yours to hold on to and keep safe til she sees you again. It helps to maintain that connection to you and will help to soothe her a bit if that's one of her issues.

She's only 3. Cuddle her, read to her, play with her and help her over the bump. She's not manipulating the situation at the moment. You'll catch that if she crosses that hurdle. Its absolutely OK, and even encouraged to comfort and snuggle the stuffing out of her right now.

Good luck Sprout. I completely understand your struggle here. Parenting is a delicate balancing act and you have to do it without a net!
I guess I am looking at the crying and handwashing connection. Is the soap an irritant that she feels but doesn't show as redness? Separation anxiety I get, but the handwashing baffles me a bit.
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Old 04-17-2013, 08:42 PM   #1113
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I guess I am looking at the crying and handwashing connection. Is the soap an irritant that she feels but doesn't show as redness? Separation anxiety I get, but the handwashing baffles me a bit.
I wondered too. Did she accidentally get water that was too hot or too cold at some time? Anything related to potty training?
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:06 PM   #1114
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I wondered too. Did she accidentally get water that was too hot or too cold at some time? Anything related to potty training?
Did some adult tell her an horrific story of what happens if you dont' wash your hands and scare the heck out of her?
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:18 PM   #1115
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As I recall from Sprout's list, there was an entire litany of things that the little one didn't want to do. The hand washing was only one of a number of other things she didn't want to do but would eventually do when prompted by consequence. She sounds like she is just being quite oppositional about a lot of things and not really happy about being oppositional. Asserting independence (as most 3 year olds will with a strong NO!), but not really feeling comfortable about being independent.

My advice was not just about separation anxiety, it was more about attachment theory. Separation can be part of the issue, but it sounds more like she is uncertain about her attachments and that can lead to all kinds of acting out behaviour. If her attachment needs are filled, then some of those behaviours may diminish. Attachment theory talks about filling up a childs need for attachment to a caregiver which then allows them to explore their world and venture forth to conquer new vistas.

Hope you can find something helpful Sprout. Hug to you and your little one until then. At the moment, I think you might need one more than she does!


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Old 04-17-2013, 11:18 PM   #1116
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What a good mom you are Sprout. You are making an effort to pay more attention to your little girl when she is doing the right thing, and trying to ignore the inappropriate things. I think that you are on the right track there. If it is behavior, and there is no medical reason for her acting out, then that should start to change her behavior. I am praying that you can all get through this quickly.
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Old 04-18-2013, 06:28 AM   #1117
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I find it somewhat annoying when people just join DC, make 1 or 2 bogus posts and then leave again.
One of my many pet peeves I guess "roll eyes"
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Old 04-18-2013, 06:35 AM   #1118
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Petty vent no 2 for today! Just had another knock on my door from a neighbor. She hasn't come here once without asking for money, to borrow something or to use my phone. Said no for the first time. Enough is enough!
Then there are the other people in my life that expect me to do things for them, make promises of giving their share and nothing ever comes of it.
I'm done being a door mat, half way house, maid and flippen ATM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-18-2013, 06:52 AM   #1119
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Last but not least...

I think I would have packed my bags and vanished to somewhere I would never be found by now if it wasn't for the folks on DC! You guys are the only people keeping semi sane and give as much as you receive.

Thank you all for not being one of the leeches on my back, the pains in my butt or one of the reasons I sometimes wish I didn't have to get up in the mornings!
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Old 04-18-2013, 08:42 AM   #1120
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I find it somewhat annoying when people just join DC, make 1 or 2 bogus posts and then leave again.
One of my many pet peeves I guess "roll eyes"
I was just telling DH the same thing !!
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