Petty Vents

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I too have a state issued ID. I don't drive. I once went into a bank to cash a check. The teller said that it was not a real ID. She confiscated it. Created her own melee. I asked for the bank manager. I was so angry at her stupidity. I know it wasn't my picture on it. It is one of the best pics I have ever taken. I usually take care of problems in a very soft but firm voice. Not this time. I made sure everyone in the bank heard me. All of a sudden the line behind me melted and the people went to stand in other lines. She left her window crying. I got my check cashed and my ID back. :wacko:
 
I am very upset at a certain person, who shall remain nameless (but is my sister). :mad: Pretty much anything my sister has ever done has been to benefit herself. I am absolutely not exaggerating when I say that over 50% of what comes out of her mouth is a lie (probably closer to 75%, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt). She isn't stupid (huge reader, great at all types of puzzles, etc.), but years of meth and cocaine use, as well as hard liquor and who knows what else haven't helped any. I only tell you this to show you a little about what we have had to deal with. She can be very nice, and very generous, but you have to constantly guard against getting stabbed in the back.

Anyway, as most of you know, my dad died in November and we had his funeral in December. Since he had bought two plots (one with my mom, in CA, and one in his family plot, in MO) we had his ashes divided, with the plan to go back to Missouri in May or June, have a little family reunion, and bury the remaining ashes. Unfortunately, finances haven't allowed us to do it yet.

My vent is that my sister suddenly decided that she is going to take his ashes back to Missouri herself, and she didn't ask any of us how we felt about it, or even let any of us know her plans until she had to. She had to tell her son because she wants him to go with her so that he can drive the rental car when they get there (she doesn't drive). My daughter (who has my dad's ashes) only found out yesterday, and my sister planned to leave either today or tomorrow. We are pretty sure she will tell the cousins in MO all kinds of stories about why we didn't come (my nephew didn't even know that she hadn't told us--he thought we knew but had declined), but that's not the thing that really bothers us. We know that it has to be done, but it was not her decision to make on her own. It should have been a family decision. It's not as if his ashes were going to go anywhere. It could have waited until a better time.

Thank you for letting me rant and rave and vent. I'm not looking for advice--the ashes will be turned over to her and she can go do it, and I will continue to pray for her every day as I always do, but I think this is really the last straw for my daughter and me. Sorry this is so long. I had actually written tons more, but most of that didn't need to be said. I just needed to write it, then I deleted it.
 
I too have a state issued ID. I don't drive. I once went into a bank to cash a check. The teller said that it was not a real ID. She confiscated it. Created her own melee. I asked for the bank manager. I was so angry at her stupidity. I know it wasn't my picture on it. It is one of the best pics I have ever taken. I usually take care of problems in a very soft but firm voice. Not this time. I made sure everyone in the bank heard me. All of a sudden the line behind me melted and the people went to stand in other lines. She left her window crying. I got my check cashed and my ID back. :wacko:

Oh my.. I sure can understand you got angry. Plain ridiculous!
I can't believe people get that confused by an ID that's NOT a drivers license.
Ofc not everybody drives! Nonsense!
Makes me wanna boycott driving all together! :mad:
 
...Not this time. I made sure everyone in the bank heard me. All of a sudden the line behind me melted and the people went to stand in other lines. She left her window crying. I got my check cashed and my ID back. :wacko:

I wasn't there but that sounds unnecessarily nasty.
 
I am very upset at a certain person, who shall remain nameless (but is my sister). :mad: Pretty much anything my sister has ever done has been to benefit herself. I am absolutely not exaggerating when I say that over 50% of what comes out of her mouth is a lie (probably closer to 75%, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt). She isn't stupid (huge reader, great at all types of puzzles, etc.), but years of meth and cocaine use, as well as hard liquor and who knows what else haven't helped any. I only tell you this to show you a little about what we have had to deal with. She can be very nice, and very generous, but you have to constantly guard against getting stabbed in the back.

Anyway, as most of you know, my dad died in November and we had his funeral in December. Since he had bought two plots (one with my mom, in CA, and one in his family plot, in MO) we had his ashes divided, with the plan to go back to Missouri in May or June, have a little family reunion, and bury the remaining ashes. Unfortunately, finances haven't allowed us to do it yet.

My vent is that my sister suddenly decided that she is going to take his ashes back to Missouri herself, and she didn't ask any of us how we felt about it, or even let any of us know her plans until she had to. She had to tell her son because she wants him to go with her so that he can drive the rental car when they get there (she doesn't drive). My daughter (who has my dad's ashes) only found out yesterday, and my sister planned to leave either today or tomorrow. We are pretty sure she will tell the cousins in MO all kinds of stories about why we didn't come (my nephew didn't even know that she hadn't told us--he thought we knew but had declined), but that's not the thing that really bothers us. We know that it has to be done, but it was not her decision to make on her own. It should have been a family decision. It's not as if his ashes were going to go anywhere. It could have waited until a better time.

Thank you for letting me rant and rave and vent. I'm not looking for advice--the ashes will be turned over to her and she can go do it, and I will continue to pray for her every day as I always do, but I think this is really the last straw for my daughter and me. Sorry this is so long. I had actually written tons more, but most of that didn't need to be said. I just needed to write it, then I deleted it.
Oh Barbara, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You can rant all you want honey, you need to let some the tension go and just relax. You know who will deal with your sister one day. So please dont let her do anything more to upset and wound you. Be happy that James is there with you, supports you and loves you like he does. That is one thing she can't take from you tell you daughter to consider the source and to be brave. You both can and you have each other to lean on. We here all care for you and will listen any time you want to rant.
kades
 
Thank you cj! I don't really let my sister get to me (I get mad, but I know what to expect of her). It is how she makes my daughter feel that really gets to me. Nancy is one of the strongest people I know, but my sister uses her (rides, helping with all kinds of things, etc., which she gladly does) and then makes Nancy feel like she has been spit on. Nancy called me yesterday to tell me about all of this, and she is fine now.

I'm glad you are here to vent to! :flowers:
 
Bolledeig said:
Grrr! I hate it when the cashier at the store ruins my day.
He refused to take my ID when I tried to buy my weekly dose of Corona just because it was not a Texas drivers license. What?!
Has never happened to me before.
I have a state issued ID/permanent resident card, Norwegian passport, Norwegian drivers license and another Norwegian ID card.
How are tourists supposed to get around then?
This has annoyed me all day!

Just because you havent seen the combination of colors or shapes on an ID card before doesn't mean you need to deny me my Corona or call the press.
Gosh..

I feel like I need revenge.

Really should have asked for a manager. A passport should be sufficient in the US.
 
Oh my.. I sure can understand you got angry. Plain ridiculous!
I can't believe people get that confused by an ID that's NOT a drivers license.
Ofc not everybody drives! Nonsense!
Makes me wanna boycott driving all together! :mad:

On a positive note, you must look younger than your age! :)

Clerks in liquor stores are so afraid of getting caught of selling to minors they are sometimes overly cautious. They are taught how to spot a fake of the local driver's license so feel comfortable with that. If they see an ID that they've never seen before, they probably are concerned they don't know how to tell if it's real or fake.
 
I am very upset at a certain person, who shall remain nameless (but is my sister). :mad: Pretty much anything my sister has ever done has been to benefit herself. I am absolutely not exaggerating when I say that over 50% of what comes out of her mouth is a lie (probably closer to 75%, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt). She isn't stupid (huge reader, great at all types of puzzles, etc.), but years of meth and cocaine use, as well as hard liquor and who knows what else haven't helped any. I only tell you this to show you a little about what we have had to deal with. She can be very nice, and very generous, but you have to constantly guard against getting stabbed in the back.

Anyway, as most of you know, my dad died in November and we had his funeral in December. Since he had bought two plots (one with my mom, in CA, and one in his family plot, in MO) we had his ashes divided, with the plan to go back to Missouri in May or June, have a little family reunion, and bury the remaining ashes. Unfortunately, finances haven't allowed us to do it yet.

My vent is that my sister suddenly decided that she is going to take his ashes back to Missouri herself, and she didn't ask any of us how we felt about it, or even let any of us know her plans until she had to. She had to tell her son because she wants him to go with her so that he can drive the rental car when they get there (she doesn't drive). My daughter (who has my dad's ashes) only found out yesterday, and my sister planned to leave either today or tomorrow. We are pretty sure she will tell the cousins in MO all kinds of stories about why we didn't come (my nephew didn't even know that she hadn't told us--he thought we knew but had declined), but that's not the thing that really bothers us. We know that it has to be done, but it was not her decision to make on her own. It should have been a family decision. It's not as if his ashes were going to go anywhere. It could have waited until a better time.

Thank you for letting me rant and rave and vent. I'm not looking for advice--the ashes will be turned over to her and she can go do it, and I will continue to pray for her every day as I always do, but I think this is really the last straw for my daughter and me. Sorry this is so long. I had actually written tons more, but most of that didn't need to be said. I just needed to write it, then I deleted it.

I too have a toxic sister. She is kind and generous, but then is confrontational and delusional, you are never quite sure which sister that you will see, I am pretty sure that she is bi-polar, but she'll never seek help for it. She has managed to push pretty much everyone away from her. An she too is intelligent, she is a high ranking military officer, but some of the things that come out of her mouth leave me shaking my head. You can make a very obvious statement and she will argue about it, even when she knows that she is wrong. My dad's death last year brought out the worst in her. The day that we knew that my dad would pass, she says "I can't be away from duty any longer", and she leaves to drive 1000 miles home! He passed before she even got out of the state.

She wants to open a business and have me bake for her, but I don't think that there is any way that I could work for her. This would be my dream job under any other circumstances, but I know better than to put myself in that position.
 
bakechef said:
I too have a toxic sister. She is kind and generous, but then is confrontational and delusional, you are never quite sure which sister that you will see, I am pretty sure that she is bi-polar, but she'll never seek help for it. She has managed to push pretty much everyone away from her. An she too is intelligent, she is a high ranking military officer, but some of the things that come out of her mouth leave me shaking my head. You can make a very obvious statement and she will argue about it, even when she knows that she is wrong. My dad's death last year brought out the worst in her. The day that we knew that my dad would pass, she says "I can't be away from duty any longer", and she leaves to drive 1000 miles home! He passed before she even got out of the state.

She wants to open a business and have me bake for her, but I don't think that there is any way that I could work for her. This would be my dream job under any other circumstances, but I know better than to put myself in that position.

First of all, Barbara, I'm so sorry about your dad, and about your sister making things so much more stressful and difficult.

And bakechef, that is just too bad :( family businesses can be tough under the best circumstances, so it's good that you are holding yourself back from jumping into a commitment with someone so unstable.
 
I too have a toxic sister. She is kind and generous, but then is confrontational and delusional, you are never quite sure which sister that you will see, I am pretty sure that she is bi-polar, but she'll never seek help for it. She has managed to push pretty much everyone away from her. An she too is intelligent, she is a high ranking military officer, but some of the things that come out of her mouth leave me shaking my head. You can make a very obvious statement and she will argue about it, even when she knows that she is wrong. My dad's death last year brought out the worst in her. The day that we knew that my dad would pass, she says "I can't be away from duty any longer", and she leaves to drive 1000 miles home! He passed before she even got out of the state.

She wants to open a business and have me bake for her, but I don't think that there is any way that I could work for her. This would be my dream job under any other circumstances, but I know better than to put myself in that position.
I know what you mean! As Skittle said, doing business with family is tough under the best of conditions. Re. what you said (in red above), my sister was there when my dad died, but she did leave just a few hours before (not knowing when it might be) to do some cocaine (she didn't say that is what she was doing, but her attitude adjustment indicated it, as well as the money she borrowed from my dad's store). We didn't say anything to her, but we were very angry.

Anyway, my daughter just called and I have an update on the whole situation. As the Bible says, you reap what you sow, and my sister is doing a little reaping right now. Nancy said my sister showed up a day or so ago, banging on the door. Nancy opened the door and saw the look on her face and just said, "No." My sister got irate (her usual mood), and Nancy told her that this should have been a family decision and that she had no right to suddenly make plans on her own and to demand the ashes. After my sister left, Nancy did let my nephew know that if he wanted to come by and get the ashes she would give them to him, but she hadn't wanted to give them to his mom in the state she was in. Done. So they thought anyway. My sister finally thought to check with Amtrak, and they wouldn't let her bring the ashes on the train. Since she had already bought the tickets she and my nephew went ahead on the trip anyway, but she won't be able to do the burial.

Hopefully Nancy, James, and I will be able to afford to do this soon. They are having their own financial struggles (3 kids, they just moved, lots of expenses), and on top of our normal financial struggles, I am waiting to be referred to an expensive specialist to see if I can finally get the hysterectomy I need, so it may be awhile. Thank goodness my dad is in Heaven now and doesn't have to be a party to all this mess. My sister thought he was her personal bank and bail-out guy, and now that he is gone, she is more of a loose cannon than ever.
 
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I wasn't there but that sounds unnecessarily nasty.

Andy, she was accusing me of having a fake ID. She wanted to call the police. Even her manager sided with me. She failed to recognize a valid ID, and she handled it all so wrong. It was not her call to make. She should have quietly brought her concerns to her manager. Not try to embarras me in front of other customers.

How would you feel if you were standing behind someone who was being accused of a crime in a bank? Your first thought would be that the bank was being held up. I think she slept through the class on How To Handle An Emgerency that day. :)
 
On a positive note, you must look younger than your age! :)

Clerks in liquor stores are so afraid of getting caught of selling to minors they are sometimes overly cautious. They are taught how to spot a fake of the local driver's license so feel comfortable with that. If they see an ID that they've never seen before, they probably are concerned they don't know how to tell if it's real or fake.

Andy, if I am not mistaken, I think the RMV here in Mass. has a booklet for liquor stores and other businesses showing what IDs from every state and territories, (Guam, Marshall Islands) including military look like. It is for sale only to a licensed business. Every state now has a hologram and if you hold the ID under a blue light, it will show up. And there are other built in safeguards. I will have to ask my daughter. She works at the RMV.

I should get a new ID. I have no expiration date on mine as it is not a drivers license. The new ones have one and you have to go in for a new pic. I wish I looked like my photo on my ID. It was taken more than ten years ago. I am now all grey and white. I had red hair in my pic. Different glasses, and a mouthul of teeth. :ohmy:
 
My son and I went to the local bank branch so that he could be added to my checking account -- a simple signing of his name. We were there during the noon hour and ended up waiting a full 30 minutes for the lone person who could accomplish this. Although I've plenty of time, my son didn't have all day. Seems to me they could schedule lunchtimes to better cover the noon hour when people are pressed for time.
 
I know what you mean! As Skittle said, doing business with family is tough under the best of conditions. Re. what you said (in red above), my sister was there when my dad died, but she did leave just a few hours before (not knowing when it might be) to do some cocaine (she didn't say that is what she was doing, but her attitude adjustment indicated it, as well as the money she borrowed from my dad's store). We didn't say anything to her, but we were very angry.

Anyway, my daughter just called and I have an update on the whole situation. As the Bible says, you reap what you sow, and my sister is doing a little reaping right now. Nancy said my sister showed up a day or so ago, banging on the door. Nancy opened the door and saw the look on her face and just said, "No." My sister got irate (her usual mood), and Nancy told her that this should have been a family decision and that she had no right to suddenly make plans on her own and to demand the ashes. After my sister left, Nancy did let my nephew know that if he wanted to come by and get the ashes she would give them to him, but she hadn't wanted to give them to his mom in the state she was in. Done. So they thought anyway. My sister finally thought to check with Amtrak, and they wouldn't let her bring the ashes on the train. Since she had already bought the tickets she and my nephew went ahead on the trip anyway, but she won't be able to do the burial.

Hopefully Nancy, James, and I will be able to afford to do this soon. They are having their own financial struggles (3 kids, they just moved, lots of expenses), and on top of our normal financial struggles, I am waiting to be referred to an expensive specialist to see if I can finally get the hysterectomy I need, so it may be awhile. Thank goodness my dad is in Heaven now and doesn't have to be a party to all this mess. My sister thought he was her personal bank and bail-out guy, and now that he is gone, she is more of a loose cannon than ever.

That's tough.

I am not of the mindset that just because someone is family, that you need to put up with their bad behavior. I have a step sister and an adopted sister that I see very little of, just because they will usually create drama and ask for money (I'm the youngest with a modest income). These are from my dad's first marriage and they lived with their mom mostly and she wasn't qualified to raise a cactus, never mind children, they never tried to rise above their upbringing, so we have very little in common. I am nice to them when I have to see them, but they put that wedge between us when they tried to guilt me for money. The toxic sister is one that was raised in my house, she's very successful in the military. My brother with whom I have very little in common with is the one and only sibling that I can count on to be "normal" we can go years without seeing each other and instantly fall back into that fun brother relationship.

I love my family but feel that living 1000 miles away from most of them is a good thing. I surround myself with my family of choice, people who, just being around them alleviates stress, keeps me sane.
 
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I love my family but feel that living 1000 miles away from most of them is a good thing. I surround myself with my family of choice, people who, just being around them alleviates stress, keeps me sane.
I started get along with my mother much better, once we were on opposite sides of the Atlantic.

I don't know how well I would get along with my sister if we weren't on opposite sides of the continent. From what I have been reading here, I am feeling blessed with the sister I got.
 
My mom and I always said the same thing, that it was easier to get along with my sister when she was across the country. It is sad, but when she isn't nearby we can at least hope she is telling the truth. I love my sister, but honestly I would never have chosen her as a friend.
 
That's tough.

I love my family but feel that living 1000 miles away from most of them is a good thing. I surround myself with my family of choice, people who, just being around them alleviates stress, keeps me sane.

I am the matriarch of the family. The last one of my generation. After me the title passes on to my neice. She is my toxic relative. She is extremely smart along with her husband. But she has never forgiven me for getting my youngest one through medical school. She has yet to get her Masters degree. She has put three kids through school, one getting a Doctorate in theology, a daughter that is an electrical engineer and a son that works for some peace org. in the mid-east. Her claim is that my son went into medicine delibereately to show her what a single mother can do if she puts her mind to it. After all it took two parents to get her kids through college. She also has not forgiven me because my sister had me as a co-owner of her bank box. She didn't even tell her daughter that she had the box. There was more than $5,000 dollars in it when I opened it. I knew about it for years. But I never told anyone. I had secrets about HER family that she was not privy to. I turned her mother against her.

She wants to create a family history. Sooner or later she will have to contact me. She better hurry. My days on this earth are fewer than what I have already used.

Ludicrous, stupid stuff. I just don't call, email or have any contact with her. Why get myself upset. I just want a peaceful, quiet life. :)
 
Really should have asked for a manager. A passport should be sufficient in the US.
A passport should be sufficient in any country. A passport should trump a driver's license. I have used my passport more as my photo ID than I have used my driver's license. I can cash a cheque at a bank when I go to MN using my passport. I ran into an issue at the post office the other day. I wanted to add a name to the card for the PO Box. I had just picked up my mail. I was asked for photo ID. I used my passport. I had to show a piece of my mail with my address on it. Which is ridiculous since all the person had to do was pull the card and compare my name to the name on the card (why this isn't computerized is beyond me) (unfortunately, I didn't have a piece of mail addressed to "Occupant."):evil:
 
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