Same here CWS.
When my youngest daughter died, her three youngest children had already entered the adoption process. When the parents heard that there was a major suit to be settled from a car accident, both sets of parents called me to let me know that they expected to be included in the settlement. In response all they got from me was "uh huh, I see, hmmm." It was their tone of voice that ticked me off. So they petitioned the court. The judge said, since the children were already in the adoption process, they were not entitled to any monies from the settlement. He had a lot more to say to them, but that was his last sentence. They left court with a stunned look on their faces. About a week later I got a call from one of the fathers. "What happens if we decide we decide to not adopt the two kids." I told them that DSS would find another family for them. And they still wouldn't be entitled to any of the money if I said so. And I did say so. I never heard another word about any settlement. I did set up a small trust fund for the two oldest children though. When they each turned 18, they got their money.
Addie, you posted this under Culinary Gifts, post #10
I understand completely. When I lost my daughter, she had a very large settlement coming from an automobile accident. So I asked the lawyer to ask the court to name me executrix of the estate. The court gave me a booklet explaining the rules and my responsibilities. Since three of her children were already in the process of being adopted, I did not have to include them in the final settlement. But I did. I felt it was only right and what my daughter would have wanted. I explained to the adopting parents that the money was to be deposited into a trust fund and could only be used for their education costs or extreme medical needs. The same day they got the checks, they cashed them and the kids never say a cent. I should have brought them to court over it. But I let it go. Only one parent lived by the instructions. She sent the child she adopted to an expensive private school.
So which is it? I'll explain why I remembered and why the contradiction bothered me enough to bring it up.
I'm adopted. My father died a little over a year ago. As some of you may remember, a couple of years prior, my step-mother was involved in a serious car accident and I had to move to Mississippi for a while to care for my father because he was advanced enough into his dementia that he couldn't live alone or be trusted to pay bills, deal with finances, etc. A couple of years after he married my stepmother (when I was in my late 20s) he told me that he was changing his will to leave his pension and a payout he was getting annually from his mother's estate (her home that he and his brothers were carrying the mortgage on). I was okay with that because I knew they were doing okay, but didn't have a whole lot extra at the time. Fast forward to a few years ago when I discovered their finances had VASTLY changed, about 70% due to my father's SS, pension and estate payouts. Their wills were such that the surviving spouse would get everything, with them in turn leaving equal amounts to their respective children (me and her 2 children). She was 12 years younger than my dad so it had always been assumed that he would pass first.
Side note, I had to go through all their papers because we needed to apply for vet benefits and/or any other benefits due to the need for in-home care once she was able to come home and my dad essentially needing care at least 18 hours a day. It wasn't like I was snooping. It was done with full knowledge of all the rest of the family.
Well, during my stay with my dad, her son and I were having lunch together while my dad was visiting his mom in the hospital to give them some alone time. I was informed by him that his mother had changed her will to give him the house when she passed. Okay, I can understand that, I don't live close and he lives only about an hour and a-half away. His sister, who is mentally-challenged, will probably also need a place to live eventually since she for some reason stays with an abusive husband. She can't hold a job, but can take care of household duties and volunteers some for their church.
I suspect that stepmom's son has convinced her to change her will to leave me out because she let drop in 1 of our conversations that he had taken her to the lawyer's office a couple of times, as well as a couple of other things that have happened and/or been said. Of course, depending on how long she lives there may not be anything left anyway, since she has to have someone come in 6 days a week to help her out due to health issues resulting from the accident.
I know I'm not owed anything from my father, but it torques me that more than likely her kids or maybe even just her son are going to get whatever is left and I'll end up with nothing when the majority of the money came via by father. It especially bothers me because neither her son, nor his wife ever stayed in the hospital with stepmom. Her son called other family members to stay with her. Nor did either of them volunteer to stay with my dad for a couple of days so I didn't have to drop everything and rush up there the day after she had the accident. He only started to really get involved in her care after I discovered the state of their finances.
