Petty Vents
- Thread starter Alix
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone that enjoys cooking.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Vanilla Bean
Master Chef
I have some furniture from Jamestown that is almost as old as she would be!
Do you know what the brand name is on it. My grandfather was in the furniture business for ages.
Aunt Bea
Master Chef
I don't know the maker but, it is heavy colonial made from cherry.
It has held its looks over the years better than I have!
Vanilla Bean
Master Chef
My grandfather made my bedroom dresser and nightstand. My dining room table and chairs are as old as I am. I have to have the table legs redone, thanks to my cat, Lucy. It's not her fault though. She is just being a cat. I bought some sandpaper, and I'm going to do it myself.
It's not her fault though. She is just being a cat. I bought some sandpaper, and I'm going to do it myself.Claire
Master Chef
Tired and old, old and tired. Do you ever have weeks that make you feel that way? I'm 56. All my exercise classes went on hiatus for the couple of weeks. I'm feeling it. Yes, I have been doing some workouts on my own.
But my left leg is aching, my husband is being whiny. Luckily my dog is being lovable.
But my left leg is aching, my husband is being whiny. Luckily my dog is being lovable.
CWS4322
Chef Extraordinaire
Okay--I shouldn't be bitter...but I spend 3-4 months taking care of my mom every year so my dad can do his things. This is not something I can really afford to do--but I want to spend time with my mom while she still remembers me. I sent a box of Christmas baking. I didn't get a call on Christmas, I didn't get a card. I can't help but being hurt. Why couldn't they pick up the phone and call? The phone works both ways. Am I being petty by being hurt that I didn't get a call telling me the cookies arrived? Or to wish me Merry Christmas? Is that too much to ask (or expect)?
Last edited:
Vanilla Bean
Master Chef
I know how you feel. The only family member that always keeps in constant contact with me is my mother. The other person that kept in contact with me all the time was my grandmother... either by phone or letters (not email). I'm usually the one that makes the calls. I don't know if they're scared of the cost, since I live out here in WA or what.
I bet your cookies were yummy, and you're so thoughtful!! My dad's grandma used to make cookies for Christmas gifts all the time and put them in pretty tins. That was so long ago.
Last edited:
CWS4322
Chef Extraordinaire
The cookies I held back were good <g>. Ironically, my best friend's company paid for the shipping because I took them (the cookies) to CT. Why is my BGF and her husband more like family than my own?
Is thoughtfulness going to earn me a place in Heaven? Probably not, I haven't been that good...but the hurt is profound. For those who have children that come to visit, send things--please call and thank them--even if your relationship with your children is difficult and doing so is awkward. They probably are hurting that the relationship isn't better and want to make it so, but don't know how. You don't have to send a gift or money--just let them know you love them and that your heart was touched by the gesture.
My parents made me write "thank you" notes when I received something (even if I didn't like it--the tighty whitey underwear my paternal grandmother gave me when I was five comes to mind--I'm female--wasn't impressed, but then, that's another relationship story), why don't my parents send a thank you card for the things I send or do? Does it mean they don't love me or that they expect me to do these things without having to thank me? I know, I'm being petty--but I'm hurt.
CWS4322
Chef Extraordinaire
As my 53rd birthday is fast approaching, I feel as if my life has no meaning--I have no kids, my DH wants a divorce, my parents are old and alone, I question the meaning of life and why I would want to live to be the ages of my parents. If life is so empty now, what is it going to be when I hit 80? Do I have to do this?
CWS, think about who it was that used to call you. I bet it was your Mom and now she has Dementia. Call them and ask them how their Christmas was.
CWS4322
Chef Extraordinaire
Unfortunately, I always called them. I have a US cell phone that is a local call for them--bought that the last time I was there, put time on it every month just in case--they don't call me on it, even though it is free for them. My brother gets a call every Sunday (which isn't free). I only get called when my mom is in the hospital.
Last edited:
tinlizzie
Head Chef
May I join the club? My grown daughter in her 40's out in the Midwest has not acknowledged the birthday gift I sent her back in November. I'd be happy with an email. We used to exchange emails, but that just dropped off the map. She didn't answer my last groveling plea for a reply. My usual Christmas gift is a check, but this year I just didn't send it - hoping that would bring some sort of rise. So far not a durned word. She visited me for several days last August and everything was wonderful - we had a great time, so I don't think she's angry about anything. This atmosphere was about the same last spring before she announced her visit, so I'm not really worried about her. Concerned, but not worried.
To borrow your sentiment: I know, I'm being petty -- but I'm hurt.
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
Send them a guilty letter asking if they got the cookies, how were they, etc. Then close with "You don't have to respond if you are too busy with your life."
They won't forget next year.
CWS4322
Chef Extraordinaire
Oh--I haven't gotten a card or call for 6-7 years. It hurts. My uncle (my dad's brother) calls me on Christmas and my birthday, but my parents don't. Yet, when I'm there, I'm "the good daughter" (given I'm the only daughter...). It really hurts. I don't want/need gifts, but a call would be nice. They don't have email. My dad sends letters to third-cousins in Norway, but I don't get any letters and I do send letters to them about 1x per month. It just hurts. I know they are old, but it still hurts.
Addie
Chef Extraordinaire
Claire
Master Chef
CWS, don't think of your place in heaven ... yeah, that might be nice. but being a martyr is no fun. Think about when you get up in the morning and you can look at yourself in the mirror and know you're a good person. I hate to say it, yeah, we might get run over by a truck tomorrow morning, but heaven's a bit of a way off. At 53 you might still have 40 years to go! Trudge on through this, looking for the light at the end of a tunnel. At one point in my life I thought I was going to go from my husband's parents to mine to my husband. In fact, my husband's passed on, mine are doing fine without me (they miss me, but moving away was the best thing I could do), and my husband's health is good. So I'm living in the moment.
Rocklobster
Master Chef
I have less and less contact with my family as the years pass. Nothing has sparked this, it just gradually became this way. I think my mother has become indifferent and I can see that in all areas of her life. So, I don't take it personally. I think she is depressed and doesn't feel well most of the time, so probably lives in a negative state of mind. I love her as always, but I have my own road to hoe, so, I am pre occupied as much as her. I think we all yearn for the days when things were more social and we saw each other in many happier environments. We tend to remember the "good old days" and forget the bad or mediocre memories. We have to continue to make our own good memories with our friends and family, in whatever form they may be. Because, after all, we will be memories ourselves, soon enough.
Maybe you should give them a call, and after a few minutes I'll bet that all of this anxiety will melt away and you will be having a good old laugh in no time. And, you will feel much better for it.
Be well.
Maybe you should give them a call, and after a few minutes I'll bet that all of this anxiety will melt away and you will be having a good old laugh in no time. And, you will feel much better for it.
Be well.
Last edited:
Aunt Bea
Master Chef
I will put in my two cents on this one!
I grew up in a family that was ruled by my paternal grandmother. She made all of the plans for family holidays and she rallied the family when anyone had an emergency. We all loved her, respected her and some feared her but, we all got in line and did our part. When she passed away our family sort of drifted apart through apathy more than anything else. Now I only see my brothers and sisters when someone dies. My sister calls me a couple of times a year and I call her a couple of times. When my mother was alive she never called me. She thought that was my responsibility! I made a point of calling her once a week at the same time so I would not forget and that continued until her death. I am glad I made the calls. I also made a point of not missing any chance to assist her with daily living, appointments etc. Now that she is gone I feel I did my part and I listen to my sister mope about the things she should have said or done. So all I can tell you is say what you need to say and do what you need to do.
I grew up in a family that was ruled by my paternal grandmother. She made all of the plans for family holidays and she rallied the family when anyone had an emergency. We all loved her, respected her and some feared her but, we all got in line and did our part. When she passed away our family sort of drifted apart through apathy more than anything else. Now I only see my brothers and sisters when someone dies. My sister calls me a couple of times a year and I call her a couple of times. When my mother was alive she never called me. She thought that was my responsibility! I made a point of calling her once a week at the same time so I would not forget and that continued until her death. I am glad I made the calls. I also made a point of not missing any chance to assist her with daily living, appointments etc. Now that she is gone I feel I did my part and I listen to my sister mope about the things she should have said or done. So all I can tell you is say what you need to say and do what you need to do.
Vanilla Bean
Master Chef
I think I replied to post about this a week or so ago. CWS, I thought you were kidding about the cookies in the bathroom. I'm sooooo sorry. I feel like a real jerk right now.
Aunt Bea said:
I am right there with you Aunt Bea. I have called my dad every Sunday since my mom died. It is not that I always have something to say, but sometimes he has something to say and doesn't call me. This way I know that when I have regrets, not talking to my dad is not one of them. He is one to hold grudges against family members for silly things and I don't ever want to be that way. I just call people when I feel the need for me. I take care of me. It seems to work, and I don't get concerned about wether or not someone calls me-I just call them.
