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Alix, some people get headaches when the stress finally gets better--less stress, like their heads/bodies hold off on a headache until they have time for it. :mad: Sorry you're hurting.
 
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Thanks Bliss. I am just sick of taking pills, and there is just no other option when my headache is this bad. Lets hope the stupid thing goes away before I have to drive!
 
Alix said:
Thanks Bliss. I am just sick of taking pills, and there is just no other option when my headache is this bad. Lets hope the stupid thing goes away before I have to drive!
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Sorry you are feeling icky! How was your holiday?
 
Life is not fair. I mean it. It is just not fair.

Today I was at the YMCA meeting with my fitness coach to set up a training program for the next four months to meet my goal of walking in the Terry Fox Run in late September. She and I get along famously and she actually accidentally booked me on a day when her kids were on a pro-d day but wanted to keep the appointment because (as she told them when they were whining about being at the Y again) "I am going to help this really courageous lady who 2 months ago came to see me with a cane and now leaves it at home and has set a great goal for herself" (I choked up at this by the way). We had a great meeting and I got Dad from his COPD class there and we went for lunch. We each talked about our successes, got haircuts and came home. Life at that moment was good.

Then at 8:00 pm my Dad started coughing. He stopped around 8:42. This is after trying everything that we normally do to get his cough stopped and his breathing back to normal. DH got home about 8:31 and was going to call the ambulance but Dad said no. He says he wants to die. He says he doesn't want to be a burden to me any more and doesn't want to be in pain or discomfort any more. He is sleeping now, but I keep going in to check on him, not knowing what I am hoping to find.

Here I am all excited because MY unhealthy body is finally turning around and I am getting excited about smaller clothes and walking for charity. And here is my 85 year old father wanting to die so he won't be a burden and I can get on with my life.

I feel so selfish.....and sad....and helpless. I want my Dad to live but is it for me or him?

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!!
 
LPBeier said:
Life is not fair. I mean it. It is just not fair.

Today I was at the YMCA meeting with my fitness coach to set up a training program for the next four months to meet my goal of walking in the Terry Fox Run in late September. She and I get along famously and she actually accidentally booked me on a day when her kids were on a pro-d day but wanted to keep the appointment because (as she told them when they were whining about being at the Y again) "I am going to help this really courageous lady who 2 months ago came to see me with a cane and now leaves it at home and has set a great goal for herself" (I choked up at this by the way). We had a great meeting and I got Dad from his COPD class there and we went for lunch. We each talked about our successes, got haircuts and came home. Life at that moment was good.

Then at 8:00 pm my Dad started coughing. He stopped around 8:42. This is after trying everything that we normally do to get his cough stopped and his breathing back to normal. DH got home about 8:31 and was going to call the ambulance but Dad said no. He says he wants to die. He says he doesn't want to be a burden to me any more and doesn't want to be in pain or discomfort any more. He is sleeping now, but I keep going in to check on him, not knowing what I am hoping to find.

Here I am all excited because MY unhealthy body is finally turning around and I am getting excited about smaller clothes and walking for charity. And here is my 85 year old father wanting to die so he won't be a burden and I can get on with my life.

I feel so selfish.....and sad....and helpless. I want my Dad to live but is it for me or him?

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!!
Click to expand...

He knows when it's time. Nope, life isn't fair...just continue to encourage your Dad to go to his classes and if he doesn't want to...you keep going to yours. It's something you need to do for you. And if you need anything, I mean anything, you know where I am.:wub:
 
Laurie,
right now your dad feels awful and the thought of the hospital is making him so unhappy that he thinks he wants to die. His rationale is he's doing it for you. I know been there done that myself It gets to be an awful place to be when you're down in the dumps. You can tell him how miserable you would be without him and really get him with it. We parents feel at times we are in the way when those we love are scurrying around doing for us.I know you are worried about his cough and pneumonia, just let him do what he wants. You have no idea how much anger i had being put in that hospital and spending over a month there. The constant here take this here do that lets work out and then everyone would get ready to leave and I'd wait then cry because I had to stay. He will decide what he needs he is after all your daddy,
Let him be that and enjoy your time together.
ma
 
kadesma said:
Laurie,
right now your dad feels awful and the thought of the hospital is making him so unhappy that he thinks he wants to die. His rationale is he's doing it for you. I know been there done that myself It gets to be an awful place to be when you're down in the dumps. You can tell him how miserable you would be without him and really get him with it. We parents feel at times we are in the way when those we love are scurrying around doing for us.I know you are worried about his cough and pneumonia, just let him do what he wants. You have no idea how much anger i had being put in that hospital and spending over a month there. The constant here take this here do that lets work out and then everyone would get ready to leave and I'd wait then cry because I had to stay. He will decide what he needs he is after all your daddy,
Let him be that and enjoy your time together.
ma
Click to expand...

I agree with Kades, too. Right now he's sick and down. You are doing everything you can, now it's up to him. But, now is a good time to get Hospice involved, let them talk to him and tell him what to expect from them and future treatments or no treatments. I've known many people who go on Hospice or come to our facility for Comfort Care and they end up going off Hospice or home. They do so much better off all the meds except those for comfort that they find themselves enjoying life.
 
Thanks, Ladies. I do appreciate all your love and help. I re-read my original post and agree with everything you have said.

I think my "Life is not fair" was mostly directed at the fact that I am getting a new lease on life thanks to Dad's inspiration about how he is doing with his classes, and he is at the (totally understandable considering his circumstances) "giving up" stage. I wasn't complaining that he is taking me away from my workout time nor am I upset that this is his choice. I am growing stronger is so many ways through all of this. I just wish he felt better - that's why life isn't fair. But I also know that he is 85 and this is what happens.
 
LPBeier said:
Life is not fair. I mean it. It is just not fair.

Today I was at the YMCA meeting with my fitness coach to set up a training program for the next four months to meet my goal of walking in the Terry Fox Run in late September. She and I get along famously and she actually accidentally booked me on a day when her kids were on a pro-d day but wanted to keep the appointment because (as she told them when they were whining about being at the Y again) "I am going to help this really courageous lady who 2 months ago came to see me with a cane and now leaves it at home and has set a great goal for herself" (I choked up at this by the way). We had a great meeting and I got Dad from his COPD class there and we went for lunch. We each talked about our successes, got haircuts and came home. Life at that moment was good.

Then at 8:00 pm my Dad started coughing. He stopped around 8:42. This is after trying everything that we normally do to get his cough stopped and his breathing back to normal. DH got home about 8:31 and was going to call the ambulance but Dad said no. He says he wants to die. He says he doesn't want to be a burden to me any more and doesn't want to be in pain or discomfort any more. He is sleeping now, but I keep going in to check on him, not knowing what I am hoping to find.

Here I am all excited because MY unhealthy body is finally turning around and I am getting excited about smaller clothes and walking for charity. And here is my 85 year old father wanting to die so he won't be a burden and I can get on with my life.

I feel so selfish.....and sad....and helpless. I want my Dad to live but is it for me or him?

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!!
Click to expand...

PrincessFiona60 said:
He knows when it's time. Nope, life isn't fair...just continue to encourage your Dad to go to his classes and if he doesn't want to...you keep going to yours. It's something you need to do for you. And if you need anything, I mean anything, you know where I am.:wub:
Click to expand...

kadesma said:
Laurie,
right now your dad feels awful and the thought of the hospital is making him so unhappy that he thinks he wants to die. His rationale is he's doing it for you. I know been there done that myself It gets to be an awful place to be when you're down in the dumps. You can tell him how miserable you would be without him and really get him with it. We parents feel at times we are in the way when those we love are scurrying around doing for us.I know you are worried about his cough and pneumonia, just let him do what he wants. You have no idea how much anger i had being put in that hospital and spending over a month there. The constant here take this here do that lets work out and then everyone would get ready to leave and I'd wait then cry because I had to stay. He will decide what he needs he is after all your daddy,
Let him be that and enjoy your time together.
ma
Click to expand...
I'm right there with you sweetie, and I know what you mean. Lots of love and hugs to you, DH, and your dad. We love you guys. All I am able to do right now is pray and try to be encouraging, but I know how much I rely on those two things from all of you, so I know it's not small potatoes. We will be gone most of the day and night, but you know where to find me most of the time. :cool:
 
LP -

my mother was standing at the door of the retirement community, passed out & fell down.
off to the hospital - her CO2 was like 115 and she was still coherent. so on and on, COPD was the culprit, and as the doctors were talking "release" they started in on "you should get Hospice involved."

that floored me - we went thru the Hospice drill with my grandmother and my father - everyone in the room "knew" what Hospice meant - this is likely to be a short term situation . . .

she was in Hospice care for almost five years - and four of the last I was the primary care giver.

COPD can be a non-stop burden - I heard the same from my mother on bad days - "I just want to go to sleep and not wake up." there were no issues with being a burden "on me" - but the disease is sufficient all of its own.

ref the coughing and "immediate need" spells - check on an Rx for morphine sulfate with the doctors/etc. one drop under the tongue provides immediate relief - like in seconds. no one has an explanation - but it does work.
 
It's Mother's Day, again, sigh. I have issues with Mother's Day. At least it isn't on my birthday this year.

My mother made it into a duty. We seldom managed to live up to her expectations. Now I regret resenting Mother's Day. I can't even apologize to her. This is the second Mother's Day since she died. It's about 10 years since she would have understood.

The other reason I don't like Mother's Day is that it reminds me of the stillborn son who would have made me a mother. I try not to think about that too often. It usually makes me maudlin. I play Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, usually repeatedly. It came out the same year. "It's all bad." as the expression goes.
 
taxlady said:
It's Mother's Day, again, sigh. I have issues with Mother's Day. At least it isn't on my birthday this year.

My mother made it into a duty. We seldom managed to live up to her expectations. Now I regret resenting Mother's Day. I can't even apologize to her. This is the second Mother's Day since she died. It's about 10 years since she would have understood.

The other reason I don't like Mother's Day is that it reminds me of the stillborn son who would have made me a mother. I try not to think about that too often. It usually makes me maudlin. I play Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, usually repeatedly. It came out the same year. "It's all bad." as the expression goes.
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I'm sorry Mother's day is a burden for you. I can understand how you feel my m-i-l always left me feeling as if I was in the way, that my DH had to share his time with me. In my mind you are a wonderful kind daughter and I know your mother would tell you that now. We sometimmes take our children for granted, that's wrong I know but in the end we who act that way are the losers and our kids come out stronger for our thoughtflessness . And you are a mother and don't feel you aen't YOU ARE!!! Do what helps sooth you if it means listening to certain music than do it. You deserve ggod things and I just wish I could help you attain them. Be proud, be aware of just how special you are.
kades
 
taxlady said:
It's Mother's Day, again, sigh. I have issues with Mother's Day. At least it isn't on my birthday this year.

My mother made it into a duty. We seldom managed to live up to her expectations. Now I regret resenting Mother's Day. I can't even apologize to her. This is the second Mother's Day since she died. It's about 10 years since she would have understood.

The other reason I don't like Mother's Day is that it reminds me of the stillborn son who would have made me a mother. I try not to think about that too often. It usually makes me maudlin. I play Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, usually repeatedly. It came out the same year. "It's all bad." as the expression goes.
Click to expand...

I am sorry Mother's Day is so hard on you. I understand the feeling of a lost child, but I also know that I would not be the woman I am today if life had turned out different.

You are a fantastic woman and I value our online friendship.
 
taxlady said:
It's Mother's Day, again, sigh. I have issues with Mother's Day. At least it isn't on my birthday this year.

My mother made it into a duty. We seldom managed to live up to her expectations. Now I regret resenting Mother's Day. I can't even apologize to her. This is the second Mother's Day since she died. It's about 10 years since she would have understood.

The other reason I don't like Mother's Day is that it reminds me of the stillborn son who would have made me a mother. I try not to think about that too often. It usually makes me maudlin. I play Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, usually repeatedly. It came out the same year. "It's all bad." as the expression goes.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry about your son. :(:(:(

I'm with you on Mother's Day, I can't choke out a thank you to my mom for the consistent hurt she brings me, and it's purposeful on her part and it only makes me cry.

Remember.....friends are God's apology for family. You are loved.
 
PrincessFiona60 said:
I am sorry Mother's Day is so hard on you. I understand the feeling of a lost child, but I also know that I would not be the woman I am today if life had turned out different.

You are a fantastic woman and I value our online friendship.
Click to expand...

Ain't that the truth! I might not have gotten together with Stirling if that hadn't happened. He had been a friend for almost 10 years, but more my ex's friend. When he heard what happened, he went out of his way to get in touch with me and offer support. I'm still happily married to Stirling and still thank my lucky stars that I "caught" him. :mrgreen: We've been sweeties for 17 years and married almost 14 of those years.

Thank you Kades and Princess. I really appreciate the kind words.

And (((hugs))) Blissful.
 
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