Planning For Our Final Destination

[expatgirl]

One of the most interesting guys that came and talked to our high school biology classe was a mortician and what I remember most was his description of their final passing exams.....they had to be experienced in moving a 300 pounder of dead weight.......he had every one riveted he was so interesting and amusing

 

[SixSix210]

It's interesting that people who have posted tend to want cremation and no service. While I have no problem with cremation, I do have a problem with the no service. I will not dictate to my family what to do. It must be something meaningful to them since I will technically not be there! If they want a full blown funeral with viewing etc, fine. If they want something private, fine. Whatever they need to do. Funerals do have a function. We have ceremonies and gatherings for so many of life's milestones. This is just one more. It may seem like a burden to the family to plan and deal with the many details, in some ways, it is helpful to have things you MUST do to keep you going. So my instructions to my family are "Do whatever you want."

Lol. my "service" will involve lots of beer, lots of laughs, lots of stories, and lots of memories. Personally, if anyone wants to, they can donate to their favorite charity in my memory. Why have a service? They say services are for the living, so I want my 'living friends' to party hearty and remember the good times. that's it.

 

[DramaQueen]

Lol. my "service" will involve lots of beer, lots of laughs, lots of stories, and lots of memories. Personally, if anyone wants to, they can donate to their favorite charity in my memory. Why have a service? They say services are for the living, so I want my 'living friends' to party hearty and remember the good times. that's it.

I am with you all the way on this. I like your thoughts. The three day viewing of the body is now a thing of the past, thank heaven. I think it's barbaric and so hard on the family. I don't want to know that people are staring at my dead body for 3 days. Hey, if you want to see me so bad, see me now when I'm alive. After I'm gone, well it's too late.
As for the service, that's fine, but I love to eat and party so if you want to honor me, have a great big buffet and a drink and by all means, have a good time. Remember that I loved life.

 

[Dave Hutchins]

After going through two untimely deaths of two loving wives I have made all of my funeral instructions "" Immediate burial "" "" as cheap as possible I believe big Fancy caskets are a waste of good money best spent elsewhere "" absolutely no services
absolutely no memorials absolutely no obits. I have instructed my doctor absolutely no resuscitation (DNR) absolutely no heroics. Just let me go with as much dignity as I can and as painlessly as posible. I have a living will and my five wishes posted on my records at my hospital. My step son has all of this information and knows how I want my property divided, and he knows my burial wishes. He has assured me that my wishes will be done. I am covered by life insurance and the funeral home has my police numbers and will git the ball rolling on that score. I have done this to keep any of my family from any more fuss than is nessary. I want to be remembered as I am A pretty good cook a guy who can be real funny. and that I am a caring type of person
after that they can all host a glass in my honor and git on with thier lives. I hope I don't sound cold, but funerals give me the willys. So this is how I want to go .

 

[Dave Hutchins]

My post disappeared . After having to bury two wives. I have made all of my all of my arrangements. Immediate burial, absolutely no funeral, no memorial, no obit,
I want my family to remember me as a pretty good cook and a funny guy and a very caring type of person. I have a DNR with my doctor, No heroics, Let me pass with a much dignity as possible, and as painless as possible. Burial plot is paid for, my choice of funeral home has been taken care of they have all of my wishes. My step son knows how I want my things distributed and in the next week I will have all of this in legal writing. I do not want to cause my family any more strain than is nessasary
Hope this does not sound cold but I want out of this world as easy as possible for every body .

 

[DramaQueen]

After going through two untimely deaths of two loving wives I have made all of my funeral instructions "" Immediate burial "" "" as cheap as possible I believe big Fancy caskets are a waste of good money best spent elsewhere "" absolutely no services
absolutely no memorials absolutely no obits. I have instructed my doctor absolutely no resuscitation (DNR) absolutely no heroics. Just let me go with as much dignity as I can and as painlessly as posible. I have a living will and my five wishes posted on my records at my hospital. My step son has all of this information and knows how I want my property divided, and he knows my burial wishes. He has assured me that my wishes will be done. I am covered by life insurance and the funeral home has my police numbers and will git the ball rolling on that score. I have done this to keep any of my family from any more fuss than is nessary. I want to be remembered as I am A pretty good cook a guy who can be real funny. and that I am a caring type of person
after that they can all host a glass in my honor and git on with thier lives. I hope I don't sound cold, but funerals give me the willys. So this is how I want to go .

Sorry Dave, but if all you have are verbal instructions with your step son as to how you want your property distributed, you are letting your family in for more grief , heartache, legal battles and more mess than you imagine possible. If you don't have a will spelling out in detail who gets what and a TRUST to see that all of this is carried out without probate costs, you need to see a lawyer and soon. The results of a verbal agreement can be overwhelming, and devastating.
I do agree with you that the fancy casket is a rip off and an incredible waste of money for the family. If you want me to have something fancy, give it to me now while I can enjoy it. I was astounded at the cost of the cardboard boxes that the funeral home uses for cremation. They range in price from 300.00 to 1800.00. The have to be cardboard so that they will burn quickly and completely. And the sad thing is that the family will never see this box so you don't even know if you are getting what you paid for.

 

[Bigjim68]

One thing I havn't seen addressed is the value trusts have other than passing on. Medicare will pay for special care only after depleting your own resources. This happened to my father. He only lived a couple of months in special care, but the bill was over $50 K. This finally convinced my mother, and now she has no money. My brother and I administer for her, and if special care is needed, Medicare will pay for it. This must be done 3 years prior to need. I don't especially like attorneys, but a good one specializing in this field is a must in these situations. Since there is no money left of my mothers, there will be no probate. Taxes have been paid as gifts, and we claim her as a dependent. It is sad that the government has got all of us in a situation where you must go to these extremes to protect assets.

 

[buckytom]

when i die, sparrowgrass offered me to come come back as one of her chickens.

i just have to remember to get a seat by the door.

 

[Wart]

when i die, sparrowgrass offered me to come come back as one of her chickens.

Long as you come back as a Rooster and not a fryer ....

 

[Wart]

Thing is I don't care what happens to my body after I die.

If I have survivors and they want a funeral, fine. Its their dime and I'm beyond caring.

The thought of someone waxing eloquent over my minor virtues and accomplishments sort of turns my stomach a little. The eulogy should go something like 'He was a "stinker", he knew it, and he didn't much care what anyone thinks of that".

Consequently I believe the only way to get a crowd at my funeral, if there is one, would be with free beer. But that would load up bladders and without a grave there would be no place for the line to form.

 

[buckytom]

wart, you would appreciate the sentiments in the movie "a razor's edge", during the first world war.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

I do agree with you that the fancy casket is a rip off and an incredible waste of money for the family. If you want me to have something fancy, give it to me now while I can enjoy it. I was astounded at the cost of the cardboard boxes that the funeral home uses for cremation. They range in price from 300.00 to 1800.00. The have to be cardboard so that they will burn quickly and completely. And the sad thing is that the family will never see this box so you don't even know if you are getting what you paid for.

I think it varies from state to state about the box. I went to the crematorium and witnessed my father's cremation. They had a special half box that was used. I'm not saying everyone should do this, but I somehow felt I needed to stand witness to this.

I wonder if any of you have heard about the casket and urn stores that are all over the net? We even have one with a storefront here. I think it's called Caskets+. Anyway, they advertise saying that they cut out the middleman. I haven't been in yet but I think I will choose and pay for my urn ahead of time so that will be one less choice for my kids and so I get a cheap one. Grief does weird things to people and I'm afraid they might get carried away and buy a gold-plated one. (On the other hand, I may end up in a Chock-Full-O-Nuts can!)

 

[Wart]

wart, you would appreciate the sentiments in the movie "a razor's edge", during the first world war.

That hadn't occurred to me.

I've watched the 1984 version of A Razor's Edge, the story and film made an impression. (I would like to see the '46 version).

The film that comes to my mind is All Quiet on the Western Front.

 

[Bigjim68]

I'm not sure how much difference there is in an $1500 urn from a funeral home and a $5.00 flea market find. I think that one point is that anything purchased from a funeral home under pressure and grief is going to cost way more than it would if prior planning was done.

 

[expatgirl]

Really and I mean this truly and I'm totally jet-lagged so forgive me if I misspell words or sound out of it but what I'd truly would like to happen is for my hubby and my ashes to be saved and it doesn't have to be in an expensive urn (and actually I prefer the Chock Full of Nuts can as I'm considered funny anyway) and for our ashes to be spread across some water or mountainous area to be mixed in the blowing wind..........I hate to be in enclosed places anyway so blowing our ashes in the wind over wherever sounds great to me............I don't want to be in casket............remember me in your thoughts ...............that's all folks!!!

 

[MexicoKaren]

I hate to be in enclosed places anyway so blowing our ashes in the wind over wherever sounds great to me..

Me, too, EPG - hubby and I have talked to the kids about this. Scatter us on the beach where we love to walk and watch the sunset. Let the wind pick us up and carry us wherever it will. No enclosed spaces or memorials for me.

 

[Katie H]

It has taken me until now to read this thread and I have from the first post to the last.

When it came to taking care of Buck after he died, the children said, "Didn't he always want to be cremated?" I told them originally he did but, as he got older, he went back to the "traditional" casket/service/burial. Having a service was very important to him because he knew those of us who loved him would need to say goodbye and have closure.

Fortunately, when I met with the funeral director he said Buck could be cremated and have a viewing and service. There'd just be no visit to burial/cemetery part. He'd be in a "display" casket and we could honor him as we chose.

We all were happy with this alternative and his funeral was a celebration of his wonderful life. Son, Aaron, arose spontaneously and spoke lovingly of his father. Sad as it was, the funeral was perfect. Two of Buck's favorite pastors officiated and his favorite hymn, Amazing Grace, was among the music played.

Most importantly, for me, I was able to see him in his favorite shirt and slacks and not hooked up to machines, with the breathing tube in his mouth. His thick silver hair was combed and his face looked calm and at peace. He was my Handsome Prince again.

His ashes are in a beautiful walnut box with his pertinent information carved into the top. Walnut was his favorite wood to work with and this box is beautiful. I'm sure he approves.

As for me, I've sent an email to all the children giving them my wishes for when I die. This, until I can get to an attorney and have it drawn up officially, which I will do ASAP.

I, too, want to be cremated. Then, Buck and I will be buried together in the cemetery where my daddy is buried. Hopefully, in a plot near his. I will have already purchased the plot and our headstone, so there will be little left for the children to do when I die.

 

[babetoo]

It has taken me until now to read this thread and I have from the first post to the last.

When it came to taking care of Buck after he died, the children said, "Didn't he always want to be cremated?" I told them originally he did but, as he got older, he went back to the "traditional" casket/service/burial. Having a service was very important to him because he knew those of us who loved him would need to say goodbye and have closure.

Fortunately, when I met with the funeral director he said Buck could be cremated and have a viewing and service. There'd just be no visit to burial/cemetery part. He'd be in a "display" casket and we could honor him as we chose.

We all were happy with this alternative and his funeral was a celebration of his wonderful life. Son, Aaron, arose spontaneously and spoke lovingly of his father. Sad as it was, the funeral was perfect. Two of Buck's favorite pastors officiated and his favorite hymn, Amazing Grace, was among the music played.

Most importantly, for me, I was able to see him in his favorite shirt and slacks and not hooked up to machines, with the breathing tube in his mouth. His thick silver hair was combed and his face looked calm and at peace. He was my Handsome Prince again.

His ashes are in a beautiful walnut box with his pertinent information carved into the top. Walnut was his favorite wood to work with and this box is beautiful. I'm sure he approves.

As for me, I've sent an email to all the children giving them my wishes for when I die. This, until I can get to an attorney and have it drawn up officially, which I will do ASAP.

I, too, want to be cremated. Then, Buck and I will be buried together in the cemetery where my daddy is buried. Hopefully, in a plot near his. I will have already purchased the plot and our headstone, so there will be little left for the children to do when I die.

kate i am so glad you have such a loving memory of the last time you saw Buck. it is a good feeling i am sure for you to have all your wishes known now. it is wonderful that the kids were so helpful.

my husband is in a plot we own in san diego. i have one as well. he was cremated and buried there as i will be. it is a beautiful place and my kids and grandkids have been there and would be comfortable there.

i am hoping your days get easier soon. take care of business but please dear friend take care of your self.

babe