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Old 06-20-2008, 04:21 PM   #31
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This is really fascinating because all of us will eventually die. That's a fact. But our culture in the US makes it difficult to discuss. I wonder if that's why, as Lulu pointed out, death often brings out the worst in people rather than the best.

I'm pleased to see than there are people here who wish to be cremated and no service. I feel strongly that I do not want a service or obituary or anything like that. Just cremation and an urn, if anyone wants to keep my remains. If not, they can sprinkle me wherever. But I have been embarrassed to ever discuss that with anyone but my family because people seem to feel it's disrespectful not to have a service of some kind. There were many remarks that my mother and I didn't have a service for my brother but he expressed strongly that he did not want one. We did make donations in his name to 3 charities that he had a soft spot for.

The trust thing is a very good idea if your have a fair amount of assets because it centralizes all the information about property, bank accounts, etc. No one will have to dig through all your stuff to try and find out what you own and what you owe, etc. The will is a very good idea to try and keep relatives from getting upset with each other. I like the idea of making a video will.

I have always told my children that I will help them while I am living but that whatever is left when I die will be spent caring for my disabled daughter. The family home is a very large old house that I am leaving to one of my sons who has agreed that he will care for his sister until either of them should die. I don't want her to have to move from her home and I also want the others to always have a place to come back to. All of the kids are very agreeable of this and they all thought it was the best plan. However, none of my kids are married to there is no one but family right now to consider. The plans may have to change as everyone's lives change. And I still have a minor child. So for me, I think my plans will have to be fluid for the next 15 or so years. (It's probably best that I don't die until they are all grown.)
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Old 06-20-2008, 06:33 PM   #32
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My husband and I decided to be cremated several years ago. This has been discussed with our son who agrees and actually plans to do the same.
My husband will probably die first, because he has a bad heart. If so, I will keep his ashes in an urn and when I'm gone, my son is to scatter them on one of our favorite places.
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Old 06-20-2008, 06:57 PM   #33
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Quote:
and a health care proxy.
Great advice. My will includes this, no resuccitation, nothing. OTOH, my father also had this in his living will, and the hospital had it noted in his file. Regardless, they wanted to do everything in their power to save him, my sister had to get a copy, and sit there vigilantly and show it to one and all. Otherwise, he would still be a vegetable on the infamous 4th floor where everyone goes. Luckily, he passed away in two days, in great dignity. And that, my friends, is why I included it in my will.
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Old 06-20-2008, 08:17 PM   #34
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My uncle was cremated and his urn kept by his wife. They have one plot, when she goes he gets buried with her.
DW's plan is to load me into a pine box in the back of a pickup, drive to the crematorium, and have me cremated. Then she will keep the ashes with her, I have no idea what she plans when she dies but I am thinking something similar. She did say she is either leaving in trust or just plain giving the kids all the major assets prior to her death to make things easier.
I have heard of others doing this as well, selling off the house the cars furniture etc and moving in with one of the kids until they die or have to go into a care facility.
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Old 06-21-2008, 01:12 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by bethzaring View Post
dh and i have wills and living wills. He keeps me updated on the financial stuff, you would not believe the database he created for this, what a computer nerd!

Daddy was cremated 20 years ago, mom will be also. This is heavy on our minds because she can go any minute. There will be no service when mom dies, per her demand. Us kids will have our own service by the Rio Grande in New Mexico. Daddy always had a special feeling for Taos, where my sister lives, so their ashes will be laid there.
Taos? I spent eleven winters there working in the ski valley. Still live some what close in Raton. I know Taos quite well.
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Old 06-21-2008, 01:18 AM   #36
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A few years back DH and I got wills off the internet specific to New Mexico. We filled in the blanks as to what happens to our so called estate it includes a living will and that we both want to be cremated. We then had it notorized and signed by three other people as witnesses. I hope it is good.
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Old 06-21-2008, 02:33 AM   #37
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Sounds good to me, jpm! Especially if was signed by 3 witnesses!!

In our regular will we both have directives to physicians in regards to sustainment of life.......believe me your lawyer can get as creative as you want him/her to be....ours didn't leave a rock unturned and he was reasonable........
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Old 06-21-2008, 04:45 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by Fisher's Mom View Post
.

I'm pleased to see than there are people here who wish to be cremated and no service. I feel strongly that I do not want a service or obituary or anything like that. Just cremation and an urn, if anyone wants to keep my remains. If not, they can sprinkle me wherever. But I have been embarrassed to ever discuss that with anyone but my family because people seem to feel it's disrespectful not to have a service of some kind.
DH and I both plan cremation. (as does my mother, but she wants a big party and to be sprinkled via fireworks ). With our ashes DH and I both have said we'd like some made into 'artificial diamonds'. Its an expensiive and probably not environmentally friendly process but I want to be shirt studs and cufflinks so that DH can still take me out to s****y parties (so long as any future parner were not offended by that) and DH would like to be a smaller set of ring and earings, same reaoning.
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:23 AM   #39
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We live in the UK but the principles are the same.
We've already made our wills. They are made in such a way that Social Services cannot force either partner to sell the home to pay for Care if it's needed.
We have insurance which will cover the cost of funerals.
We have both chosen the readings and prayers we would like at our requiem Mass.
Our daughter knows exactly where to find the will if need be.
I just need DH to go through the filing cabinet with me so that I know exactly which applies to what in the way of paperwork. Companies to notify etc.
If DH goes before I do our daughter will always give me some guidance in financial matters.
Hopefully that just about covers it.
There will not be any inheritance tax to pay because our home is under the value on which you have to pay it and we do not have any savings. They went to support the children when they needed it. We are able to pay our bills (just)and are happy with our life even though we are on a low income.
Our daughter is our executor.
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:43 AM   #40
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I know that in the state of TX if you have assets over a million dollars and you'd be mighty shocked at what is considered assests the laws change dramatically........and they are NOT in your favor if you don't have a will
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