Planning For Our Final Destination

[expatgirl]

and none of us thought that Dad had much......well the sale of his father's land turned out to be 50,000 for his share and the witch told no one. She inherited it all.....only found out after the fact 10 years later.........it wouldn't have happened had there been a will in place,,,,,,,cause my dad would have wanted all of us to share respectively anything he left behind.....just didn't count on Miss Greedy Guch..........

 

[Adillo303]

Expat - I hear you. My father was one of four brothers. When the last of their parents died the arguing and caniving started and Dan disowned tow of his brothers.

One traveled over 300 miles to see Dad the night before surgery that he never recovered from. Dad threw him out. I was so sorry. Lost Dad - Many yearrs later, I can't find his brothers to know if they are alive.

 

[DramaQueen]

My husband and I had a will and a trust set up several years ago. He died in 2005 and I inherited everything, tax free and no probate.
My kids are now the heirs to my estate and will share equally. (My grandkids will receive a monetary sum). No one will pay inheritance tax, and no one will pay probate costs. The trust is all important. The will tells who gets what. The trust gives it to them tax free.

My husband's brother died 6 months after he did and my two children, 2 grandchildren and I inherited a million dollars plus. Not one cent is taxable to us and nothing went to probate. The entire estate was disbursed with 8 months. The attorney of course, got a bundle for executing the trust. SEE A LAWYER ABOUT SETTING UP A TRUST.

As for our remains, hubby was cremated and I will be too.

 

[expatgirl]

was there a will??? My dad didn't have one and boy did that raise all kinds of crazy questions...........you know ....dumb me when my dad finally came out of his mental fog I asked him if he preferred Linda over the rest of us
because that's the name was on the inurance poilicy (these companies want one name in cade you don't know) he was hurt........hell, no, debbie, that money is for all of you kids...........I told my sister this and we got a very nasty phone call from her husband later on to butt out of their business. This is when we should have hired a lawyer and didn't.........no only did this woman make off with thousands in assets but she then had the nerve to try and go around our backs and disparage our names in front of others.....the woman is sick.........what can I say.......luckily I was able to circumvent her tactics with surviving family members,,,,,,,they know the true story........

 

[LadyCook61]

Just because there is a will , does not mean no problems. Late BIL had a will , bequeathing to 4 people. Before they could get the money, hubby had to sell his brother's house and a bar BIL owned but late BIL did not pay his taxes and was years behind on debts ! So.. 3 years of taxes had to be paid before hubby could even sell anything to get the money for the inheritors. It was a monumental headache for hubby, as he was the executor of the estate.

 

[Corey123]

Since we have had such a huge loss here at DC with Buck's passing, the topic of how our loved ones go on has been on everyone's mind. I was thinking this might be good for us to discuss things we can do to make it easier on those we leave behind when we go. If you've lost someone with or without a will, can you share your experiences handling the paperwork, etc., after they passed? Those that have a will, could you share with us your experiences with finding the right attorney, etc? Also, does anyone leave directions for what they want as far as a funeral or a cremation, etc?

Before he passed, my dear late brother wanted to be creamated. He told his 2nd wife and two boys this.

And it was done. His wife has his cremated remains in an urn. She gave some of my brothers and myself some of his stuff, such as clothing, watches, jewlery, etc..

The rest, she kept unless his best friend wanted some of the stuff as well.

 

[expatgirl]

My husband and I had a will and a trust set up several years ago. He died in 2005 and I inherited everything, tax free and no probate.
My kids are now the heirs to my estate and will share equally. (My grandkids will receive a monetary sum). No one will pay inheritance tax, and no one will pay probate costs. The trust is all important. The will tells who gets what. The trust gives it to them tax free.

My husband's brother died 6 months after he did and my two children, 2 grandchildren and I inherited a million dollars plus. Not one cent is taxable to us and nothing went to probate. The entire estate was disbursed with 8 months. The attorney of course, got a bundle for executing the trust. SEE A LAWYER ABOUT SETTING UP A TRUST.

As for our remains, hubby was cremated and I will be too.

DramaQueen, you will sounds like mine, Girlfriend........

 

[Dove]

When we were planning a trip back to N.C. I told Paul we wern't going unless we had everything prepaid so the boys wouldn't have to worry. He said "OK, go do it" I did...then when he was in the nursing home with a broken leg and I fell in his room and had to have the hip replacement I asked John to go see a Elder Law attourney (sp?) he did and when we both were discharged we four went down. When Kevin was asked if he trusted his brother he said " with my life" since Kevin can't inherit ( sp) anything without the State of Ca. taking it...he is on SSI and medical) it all was to go to John. Now it passes down to John's wife. some serious thinking has to be done now.
When Paul passed all I needed to put things in my name ( or I should say The Helms family trust" was a death certefic.(sp?)
this pc of my nieces doesn't have a spell checker...she is a school teacher and doesn't need one...I really could use one now.
Marge

 

[expatgirl]

this is the way the lawyers can set it up.....we're not supposed to pay a cent to Texas.......get a lawyer.....it's worth it

 

[jabbur]

My parents set up a trust and had the funeral home, plots, headstones, etc all prepaid. They cashed in their life insurance policies and prepaid all the funeral expenses. By setting up the trust, and having a will, things were fairly simple when Mom died. We made a few changes to the funeral stuff. Parents had paid to use the funeral home chapel for services and limos to and from cemetary. We decided to have private service at graveside in AM followed by memorial service at her church in PM. Dad got back some money that he had paid for those services. He also got back some money since opening and closing the grave was not as expensive as predicted when they prepaid. Shortly after she died, we met with a lawyer and had a will drawn up with power of attorney, and medical directives attached. We haven't purchased plots yet, (Hubby wants cremation, I don't care since I won't be here!).

 

[Fisher's Mom]

This is really fascinating because all of us will eventually die. That's a fact. But our culture in the US makes it difficult to discuss. I wonder if that's why, as Lulu pointed out, death often brings out the worst in people rather than the best.

I'm pleased to see than there are people here who wish to be cremated and no service. I feel strongly that I do not want a service or obituary or anything like that. Just cremation and an urn, if anyone wants to keep my remains. If not, they can sprinkle me wherever. But I have been embarrassed to ever discuss that with anyone but my family because people seem to feel it's disrespectful not to have a service of some kind. There were many remarks that my mother and I didn't have a service for my brother but he expressed strongly that he did not want one. We did make donations in his name to 3 charities that he had a soft spot for.

The trust thing is a very good idea if your have a fair amount of assets because it centralizes all the information about property, bank accounts, etc. No one will have to dig through all your stuff to try and find out what you own and what you owe, etc. The will is a very good idea to try and keep relatives from getting upset with each other. I like the idea of making a video will.

I have always told my children that I will help them while I am living but that whatever is left when I die will be spent caring for my disabled daughter. The family home is a very large old house that I am leaving to one of my sons who has agreed that he will care for his sister until either of them should die. I don't want her to have to move from her home and I also want the others to always have a place to come back to. All of the kids are very agreeable of this and they all thought it was the best plan. However, none of my kids are married to there is no one but family right now to consider. The plans may have to change as everyone's lives change. And I still have a minor child. So for me, I think my plans will have to be fluid for the next 15 or so years. (It's probably best that I don't die until they are all grown.)

 

[Essiebunny]

My husband and I decided to be cremated several years ago. This has been discussed with our son who agrees and actually plans to do the same.
My husband will probably die first, because he has a bad heart. If so, I will keep his ashes in an urn and when I'm gone, my son is to scatter them on one of our favorite places.

 

[Loprraine]

and a health care proxy.

Great advice. My will includes this, no resuccitation, nothing. OTOH, my father also had this in his living will, and the hospital had it noted in his file. Regardless, they wanted to do everything in their power to save him, my sister had to get a copy, and sit there vigilantly and show it to one and all. Otherwise, he would still be a vegetable on the infamous 4th floor where everyone goes. Luckily, he passed away in two days, in great dignity. And that, my friends, is why I included it in my will.

 

[Maverick2272]

My uncle was cremated and his urn kept by his wife. They have one plot, when she goes he gets buried with her.
DW's plan is to load me into a pine box in the back of a pickup, drive to the crematorium, and have me cremated. Then she will keep the ashes with her, I have no idea what she plans when she dies but I am thinking something similar. She did say she is either leaving in trust or just plain giving the kids all the major assets prior to her death to make things easier.
I have heard of others doing this as well, selling off the house the cars furniture etc and moving in with one of the kids until they die or have to go into a care facility.

 

[jpmcgrew]

dh and i have wills and living wills. He keeps me updated on the financial stuff, you would not believe the database he created for this, what a computer nerd!

Daddy was cremated 20 years ago, mom will be also. This is heavy on our minds because she can go any minute. There will be no service when mom dies, per her demand. Us kids will have our own service by the Rio Grande in New Mexico. Daddy always had a special feeling for Taos, where my sister lives, so their ashes will be laid there.

Taos? I spent eleven winters there working in the ski valley. Still live some what close in Raton. I know Taos quite well.

 

[jpmcgrew]

A few years back DH and I got wills off the internet specific to New Mexico. We filled in the blanks as to what happens to our so called estate it includes a living will and that we both want to be cremated. We then had it notorized and signed by three other people as witnesses. I hope it is good.

 

[expatgirl]

Sounds good to me, jpm! Especially if was signed by 3 witnesses!!

In our regular will we both have directives to physicians in regards to sustainment of life.......believe me your lawyer can get as creative as you want him/her to be....ours didn't leave a rock unturned and he was reasonable........

 

[lulu]

.

I'm pleased to see than there are people here who wish to be cremated and no service. I feel strongly that I do not want a service or obituary or anything like that. Just cremation and an urn, if anyone wants to keep my remains. If not, they can sprinkle me wherever. But I have been embarrassed to ever discuss that with anyone but my family because people seem to feel it's disrespectful not to have a service of some kind.

DH and I both plan cremation. (as does my mother, but she wants a big party and to be sprinkled via fireworks ). With our ashes DH and I both have said we'd like some made into 'artificial diamonds'. Its an expensiive and probably not environmentally friendly process but I want to be shirt studs and cufflinks so that DH can still take me out to s****y parties (so long as any future parner were not offended by that) and DH would like to be a smaller set of ring and earings, same reaoning.

 

[csalt]

We live in the UK but the principles are the same.
We've already made our wills. They are made in such a way that Social Services cannot force either partner to sell the home to pay for Care if it's needed.
We have insurance which will cover the cost of funerals.
We have both chosen the readings and prayers we would like at our requiem Mass.
Our daughter knows exactly where to find the will if need be.
I just need DH to go through the filing cabinet with me so that I know exactly which applies to what in the way of paperwork. Companies to notify etc.
If DH goes before I do our daughter will always give me some guidance in financial matters.
Hopefully that just about covers it.
There will not be any inheritance tax to pay because our home is under the value on which you have to pay it and we do not have any savings. They went to support the children when they needed it. We are able to pay our bills (just)and are happy with our life even though we are on a low income.
Our daughter is our executor.

 

[expatgirl]

I know that in the state of TX if you have assets over a million dollars and you'd be mighty shocked at what is considered assests the laws change dramatically........and they are NOT in your favor if you don't have a will