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Old 02-06-2016, 10:50 PM   #1
Proud American
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Asheville
Posts: 2,142
Please Read This By CrazyCatLady!

Joyce joined of a writing forum in October when her friend was dying. She needed of something to focus upon and showed me some of her stories.

She writes much of Walmart, and has given me the permission of posting two things she has written of Walmart. The first one is very sweet, and the second is so very funny!

The Cat Lady

Last October, on a dreary, wet day just before Halloween, I was working at the service desk. There was a lull in the action there, which meant I could sign off on the returns and catch up.

Just as I turned away, a movement caught my eye. A little lady in her 60s was standing there. I recognized her instantly; she had been trying for months to keep her 20-year-old cat, Mouser, alive. She'd spent a fortune on special food, medicines and vet bills, and when I saw the agonized look on her sweet face, I feared the worst.

Mouser was gone. He had passed peacefully sometime during the night before, curled up on his blanket at the foot of her bed. He was now at a pet crematory, and she had come to return the cat food he didn't have the time to eat.

I looked over at my co-worker, Laurie. "Give me a moment," I said. She nodded.

I took the lady gently by the elbow and said, "Let's go talk," and led her to a chair in the Vision Center, which was closed and offered privacy.

She sat down. "He's gone," she said sadly, and told me what happened. "I'm returning his food. Maybe some other cat will enjoy it, I hope."

Unfortunately, when it comes to any food items, whether human or animal, policy is policy. Returned food items are never put back on the shelf; they're destroyed and the store is reimbursed for it.

"Honey, you don't want to do this," I said gently, holding her hand and kneeling by her. I explained the policy, and suggested that she keep the food for six months. The dates on the cans were good until 2017. "If you return it now, no cat will ever enjoy it."

"But what do I do?" she asked. "It's a shame it will be wasted. I asked my friends who have cats if they wanted it, but their cats don't like it."

I had to think fast. I knew she was retired and on a fixed income. "I'll make a deal with you, but you have to promise you'll tell no one about it. I could lose my job for it."

She sniffed, and tried to look brave. "But I don't want you to --"

"Hang on, honey, I haven't told you yet. Here's what the deal is. You keep that food for the next six months. That's all; just six months. I'll give you my phone number, and if you don't have a cat in six months, I'll pay you double for that food, because my cats like it. Deal?"

She actually smiled! "You would do that?"

"Absolutely. My cats like it, you want another cat to enjoy it, and that's not going to happen if you return it now. Deal?"

Another smile! "That's a deal," she agreed, and we shook hands on it.

She took the cans back home.

Today she came through the self-checkout, and the next thing I knew, she threw her arms around me and was happy but having tears.

"Wooooooo! You got a cat!" I exclaimed, looking over her shoulder at her buggy.

There was canned kitten food, dry kitten food, two litterboxes, a box of litter and a scoop all sitting there, waiting to be paid for and taken home.

"No," she laughed. "Two kittens! I got them from the pound today! I didn't think I could ever have another cat!"

I laughed. "Famous last words, honey."

"Oh, and someone wants to talk to you," she added, and turned around. She motioned someone in, and into the bullpen stepped my store manager, Joe.

"Oh, God, you didn't tell him, did you?" I gasped, seeing my job go right out the door.

He laughed at me. "She's my Aunt Cindy. She told me what you said and about that deal. Because you took her to the Vision Center, that isn't part of Walmart. So I can't do anything but thank you, Joyce. You've always been the one to reach out to our customers in a personal way. I want you to have this."

Joe pulled out a Walmart gift card from his pocket. On the back of it, he had written, "Thank you, Joyce," and it was for twenty dollars.

That was nearly exactly what I would have paid for her cat food. It was quite a large amount of food but a deal's a deal.

I was stunned. Joe shook my hand, thanked me, and took off to the hinterland of management duties.

"Well," said Cindy, "are you just going to stand there or are you going to show me how to use this thing?"

I just had to laugh. "Oh, it's easy. Here, let me show you..."

An Open Letter To Walmart Shoppers

As you know, I'm a customer service manager at Walmart. While 95% of you shoppers are absolutely delightful and brighten my day just by walking in the door, the other 5% of you need some ... refining. This letter is for that 5%.

Dear Walmart Shoppers,

While I am glad to see you and greet you with a smile, do not think I will put up with certain lousy behaviors and habits. Those belong at home.

1. Please put the phone down when you're conducting business at the service desk or the register. First of all, it's rude. Second, I'd rather not hear you cussing out your boyfriend and dropping the f-bomb, and third, when I ask you a question, yelling "I'm on the @#$%&!! phone, b****!!" at me is not the point.

2. The bag carousel is not a playground for your children. It's dangerous and annoying. Please do us all a favor and duct-tape your unruly monsters to the bottom of your buggy.

3. Please understand the self-checkouts are exactly that. Self-checkouts. No, my cashiers are not going to do it for you. They have seven other registers to watch and to be very honest, if you really want to know, no, you aren't that important.

4. If an item rings up at a higher price than you claim, calling me names and blaming me for the discrepancy is not going to make someone come any faster to do your price check for you. Just saying.

5. The speedy checkouts do not have signs on them that say, "Twenty Items or More." The signs say, "Twenty Items or Less!" During last year's store remodel, this prompted me to suggest having an automatic trapdoor in front of these that open up and swallow you on item #21.

6. We ask to see your ID if you look under 40 for alcohol and tobacco purchases. That is a North Carolina state law and is not our way of annoying you. We will especially ask you for ID when for the boys, you have no facial hair, your voices haven't dropped yet, and for the girls, you're not even in a trainer bra yet. Please be aware of this.

7. We sincerely appreciate our shoppers bringing their own reusable grocery bags, and we are very skilled at packing these exactly the way you desire. However, flinging your bags at us and yelling, "Pack 'em! And do it right!!" is highly likely to result in a couple of broken eggs and a hole through your bread. Also, we don't do bugs. Seeing ants and roaches scurrying out of your reusable bags will not prompt us to touch them; therefore, you get the plastic bags and don't bother arguing about it.

8. And for the last time, dearest shoppers, Walmart does not refund items bought at Target, Kmart, Belk's, or any other store. I can't stress this enough.

9. We do not ad-match used items sold on Ebay. That IPhone 6 you've chosen is brand new; the one on Ebay is used and the screen is completely shattered, and you're absolutely not getting a brand-new IPhone 6 for $75.00.

10. Any product that comes into direct contact with bodily fluids is definitely not returnable. Please refrain from returning used pregnancy tests because they were wrong.

11. You might think returning items you claim are unopened will result in us taking your word for it. That's not our policy; we open all boxes and stuffing your husband's old drill into a new box and trying to get a refund on the new drill only makes you look rather ridiculous.

12. If you've put a bigger engine into your truck and the battery you bought two years ago won't fit now, no, we can't exchange it even with a receipt. Please don't even try.

13. Calling us and ordering a MoneyGram over the phone with a credit or debit card number is an exercise in futility. How do we know it's your card? We know this is a scam. Think about it.

14. Speaking of credit and debit cards, when your card is declined, no, it's not our financial system at fault. There are several reasons why this happens, and it's up to you to resolve the issue. We will not call your bank or credit card company, and we are unable to "turn a key" into the register to force the system accept it.

15. Please don't bring your spider monkeys, bearded dragons, and snakes into the store. These are definitely not service animals and we're not convinced, much less impressed.

16. Although Walmart doesn't have a dress policy for its customers, during the summer, please leave a little something to the imagination. It cuts down on the nausea. Oh...and coming into the store in your pajamas isn't very attractive either.

17. Our door greeters check receipts for a reason. Yelling "Racism!", "Discrimination!", or "I'm being attacked!" seriously doesn't work out real well for you. There are things called cameras all over the store, including the entrances.

18. We understand that some of you have health issues, and we're sorry you do. No one likes health issues, and we seriously care about you. However, showing us your colostomy bag and all its contents isn't necessary. Believe me, we'll take your word for it.

19. Teens joyriding on the MartCarts is also unnecessary. They are not toys and not to be used for playing bumper cars. They are there for folks with physical disabilities and we don't think you're cute and we will take them away from you.

20. Last but definitely not least, when we're on registers and closing it, cleaning it, and collecting the returns with the "Lane Closed" sign out and the light off, don't come flying up and start putting your stuff on the belt saying, "You're opening, right?" and get mad at us when we say, "No, I'm sorry, I'm not open." Seriously...what part of the "Lane Closed" sign and the light off did you not get?

We hope this letter will help you work better with us, and thank you for shopping at Walmart.

Customer Service Manager

Oh her name is Hairball in the writing forum! Ha! She must share of what she writes here sometimes, yes? She told me of a very funny story of New Year's Eve she did share of here.



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Old 02-06-2016, 11:01 PM   #2
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I love the Walmart one. That should be sent to retailhellunderground.com .

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Old 02-06-2016, 11:45 PM   #3
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What is this? Is it of a website?

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Old 02-07-2016, 07:24 AM   #4
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Thank you for posting these. I really enjoyed reading them.
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Old 02-07-2016, 11:18 PM   #5
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You are very welcome! She should post of more I think!

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Old 02-08-2016, 12:13 AM   #6
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Los Angels, California
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Nice reading!!! My son enjoys Crazy Cat Lady Game which was I think by Accoutrements - 11893 so much. Thanks for sharing this funny stories.
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Old 02-08-2016, 05:44 AM   #7
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Thank you so very much!

Joyce is odd and quite funny.


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