Posting how I feel right now, after Buck's passing.

[Fisher's Mom]

I was wondering that, too, LEFSE.

[jpmcgrew]

Bucks passing is a huge loss for all of us. Every post I read about Buck and Katie makes me cry all over again. I also have not been interested in other threads it just doesn't seem right at this time to read those. My heart aches so much for katie I can hardly stand it. It's going to be incredible hard for her to adjust to life without him. I wish I could do more for Katie but what? It just seems so unfair and happened so fast no one knew this one was comming. It's still hard to believe. I wish I could at least go to their house and do the chores for sweet Katie.
WHAT WAS GOD THINKING? I also did not know them in person but I sure know what was in their hearts and pictured myself many times in their kitchen while Katie made bread. The porch will never be the same. I also worry alot on how Katie will handle the shop by herself. It will be really hard at home Bucks essence will be every where Katie goe's.

[cara]

Originally Posted by Fisher's Mom

I was wondering that, too, LEFSE.

I had the same thoughts...
at least a card...

I can't stand reading Buck's posts at the moment...
but I'm sure he wouldn't want us to stop...

[expatgirl]

I probably shouldn't be posting now because it's being done in a haze of tears........our comptuer server was down yesterday and I was going crazy.......luckily a dear friend took me bowling and we went out for lunch, came home had a wonderful chinwag session and ordered pizza ...I went online and saw that Buck had died.........I bolted from the table sobbing........my son and granddaughter were shocked at my reaction as the pizza had just arrived..........Buck was one of the first people who I actually bantered with..when I shockingly guessed one of the pictures of "Guress what this is a photo of" and had no clue as to host a picture he spent a long time explaining to dumb blonde here how to go about it........

he always had interesting sites to go to and would help you with any problems.........I'm sorry I'm going to have to stop...........

[babetoo]

Originally Posted by Fisher's Mom

I feel really sad and tired. When I read Elf's post that they were unhooking the tubes to set Buck free, I just broke down crying. After every update that had worse and worse news, I think I was just getting more and more physically tense, thinking about poor Buck with all those awful tubes and tests and poor Katie having to watch her man go through this. When the tubes and the plugs were pulled, I felt a rush of intense sorrow that Katie would be losing her Buck and at the same time a rush of relief that Buck wasn't going to spend his last hours on earth with all those machines and tubes between him and his wonderful family.

Then when we got word that he was gone, I was crying all over again, thinking of how much Katie must be hurting and how alone she must feel. Even though her family is there with her, after 30 years she must feel very alone without Buck. I thought of that most of the evening, how hard it would be for her to walk into the house and know that Buck isn't waiting for her inside. And all the mail and chores and things left undone that faced her when she got home. Life forces us to go on, to take care of the everyday when our world is in complete turmoil. It's such a crazy, nonsensical thing to be opening mail when the love of you life is gone but nonetheless, the mail must be opened.

When I finally fell into bed, I was instantly asleep and I slept hard - no dreams or sudden awakenings. This morning, I have puffy eyes and a sad feeling of sisterhood with Katie. I think all the women here feel it because it's something we must all be ready to face someday.

Thanks for starting this thread Laurie. And I'm glad our posts don't have to make sense because there's no rhyme or reason to life at times like these.

losing my husband was the hardest thing , i have ever done.
it took a lot of time, about three years to make sense of it all. sometimes i wonder if i will ever make sense of it.

you don't forget your loved one , you just don't live the death over and over like you do in the beginning.

kate has not begun the long journey as of yet she is caught up in chores, and arrangements to honor her husband. numbness is the order of the day. the real pain begins as she buries him.

let us hold out our collective hands and hearts to her. while i am sad, numb and crying, we can't begin to know the depth of pain than katie will go through.

don't try to be brave , kate. the process takes a while and you will need to confront it. just a little at a time, will be the best way .

we all love you

babe

[middie]

I know this sentence is silly but please understand, I want to offer you something that is special to me. My favorite butter dish. It's beautiful


Lefse that sentence isn't silly at all. Actually your whole post was beautiful. And I'm sure Katie will thing so too when she sees it.

[quicksilver]

I went to Buck's profile, because I can't quite accept that us human beings can't do everything, when we've been led to believe all our lives, if we ______ enough, it will be so. And Yet I know this isn't so.

But dang it, not this, dear Lord.
We weren't ready......................

[Fisher's Mom]

Originally Posted by babetoo

losing my husband was the hardest thing , i have ever done.
it took a lot of time, about three years to make sense of it all. sometimes i wonder if i will ever make sense of it.

you don't forget your loved one , you just don't live the death over and over like you do in the beginning.

kate has not begun the long journey as of yet she is caught up in chores, and arrangements to honor her husband. numbness is the order of the day. the real pain begins as she buries him.

let us hold out our collective hands and hearts to her. while i am sad, numb and crying, we can't begin to know the depth of pain than katie will go through.

don't try to be brave , kate. the process takes a while and you will need to confront it. just a little at a time, will be the best way .

we all love you

babe

Awww, Babe, I'm so grateful you are here. For all of the members who have gone through losing your spouse, I thank you for sharing how you get through it. I don't think it's something anyone can truly grasp unless you've been through it. Thankfully, I haven't been through this but as Buck's passing tells us, tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. (I know I've been hugging my loved ones a little tighter during this. It's another thing I can remember and appreciate about Buck.) Anyway, to you and Marge and Dave Hutchins and all the others who have walked this road before, thank you for helping Katie find her way, too.

[Dina]

I've been sad all day. I even came home, after all the running around with kids, and took a LONG nap. Something I NEVER do during the day. I feel heavy and down and can't help but to think of Katie and Buck's passing. I miss him even though I never met him personally. I got to know him through posts and knew he was a wonderful man. I am praying for you dear Katie. You have all of us at your service and as a shoulder to lean on. Please let me know how I can help you in any way I can.

DC members/administrators: Would you please forward me Katie's mailing address to send her a card and a small gift? Thanks.

[csalt]

In Blackwater Woods

Look, the trees

are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,

are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers

of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,

and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.

Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime

leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,

whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able

to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing

your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(American Primative)

The letting go is such a hard thing to do and yet your not really letting go because the loved one is always there beside you. God be with you Katie.