Question for moms w/PICKY eaters...

[ellakav]

okay, moms. or dads. my almost 3 year old son WILL NOT EAT.
he is the pickiest eater I have ever seen and I have seen a few.
he isn't sick or anything. this has been going on ever since he
discovered he had a will of his own. toddlers have idiosyncracies
and all, and my boy is no different, but wow. he will only eat one
certain thing days in a row. then he hates it. or he will go 2 or 3
days just grazing, sometimes taking one bite of food the whole day
and then the next day will power down 3 meals and a couple snacks.
he tells me he wants something, I give it to him and he says thank
you and then walks away without touching it, or he will take a bite
or two and say "all done, Mama!" and he's off. it baffles me how a
child so active can survive on seemingly nothing. he is in the 95th
percentile for height and the 25th for weight and hasn't gained a
pound in SIX MONTHS! he's a bean pole and his pediatrician assures
me this is normal and every kid is different and kids can be picky
and blah, blah, blah. I still think I am missing something. so, has
anyone ever had a picky kid? what did you feed them, or what did
you try? is there a trick to this? oh yeah, and WHY when I offer
him something he will flat out refuse it and then when Daddy gets
home he will polish off the SAME THING for him?
I am so frustrated and clueless!

 

[msmofet]

my older daughter was in the same percentiles. she tried to be picky but i set the rules. you eat what is served at home. when we go out (which wasn't very often and was mcdonald's most times unless on vacation or special occasion, she ordered a hamburger plain no pickle no cheese no ketchup) you can order what you want. she played hard ball several times but it didn't fly. we didn't have the money to cater to her whims. and i read that advise also in a parenting mag saying if you start those trends it never ends. so it didn't take long for her to learn. this isn't much help but i understand what you are going through.

 

[msmofet]

okay, moms. or dads. my almost 3 year old son WILL NOT EAT.
he is the pickiest eater I have ever seen and I have seen a few.
he isn't sick or anything. this has been going on ever since he
discovered he had a will of his own. toddlers have idiosyncracies
and all, and my boy is no different, but wow. he will only eat one
certain thing days in a row. then he hates it. or he will go 2 or 3
days just grazing, sometimes taking one bite of food the whole day
and then the next day will power down 3 meals and a couple snacks.
he tells me he wants something, I give it to him and he says thank
you and then walks away without touching it, or he will take a bite
or two and say "all done, Mama!" and he's off. it baffles me how a
child so active can survive on seemingly nothing. he is in the 95th
percentile for height and the 25th for weight and hasn't gained a
pound in SIX MONTHS! he's a bean pole and his pediatrician assures
me this is normal and every kid is different and kids can be picky
and blah, blah, blah. I still think I am missing something. so, has
anyone ever had a picky kid? what did you feed them, or what did
you try? is there a trick to this? oh yeah, and WHY when I offer
him something he will flat out refuse it and then when Daddy gets
home he will polish off the SAME THING for him?
I am so frustrated and clueless!

oh and the dad thing i got that also i have no clue except he wasn't the stay at home parent so maybe that made the difference

 

[jabbur]

You can't look at what a child eats in a single day. Look at the month! You say he'll not eat much one day then chow down the next. That tells me he's gotten what he needs over those two days. Relax. Have healthy stuff out that he can help himself to when he's hungry. Fix dinner and if he wants to eat fine. If not, don't push but then don't make him something later. Looks like he's trying to figure out how he can get what he wants as well as being picky. Don't read too much into the "when I offer
him something he will flat out refuse it and then when Daddy gets home he will polish off the SAME THING for him" thing. It may just be a matter of when offered by you, he wasn't hungry but by the time Dad got home he was. If he knows he's pushing buttons with food, he'll continue to use that so you need to concentrate on keeping things relaxed and matter of fact. Don't let this turn into a power struggle because it can go there really fast! Bean pole is fine. As long as he is not anemic or stopped growing, the weight gain will come. My son was always thin and tall. Now at 20 he's still thin and tall but he eats well. That just may be the way your son is. I think we as a society have given every aspect of childrearing an underlying psychological component that makes us question everything we do as parents. Is the child happy and healthy? Then leave it alone.

 

[getoutamykitchen]

Ah yes, I remember those days. This is perfectly normal behavior. My son was the same way. He turned 12 last November and although still a little picky, he is starting to at least try different things. When he came off formula as a 1 yr. old I thought how much more interesting it was going to get. WRONG! When I started feeding him jarred baby food it was trial and error until we were able to come up with 2 types he would eat, apple and chicken or apples and ham. To this day he still likes his chicken nuggets, up to about 6 months ago he would have lived on hot dogs (until he found a piece of grizzle & now won't touch em'). He will only drink water, chocolate milk or white milk. Thank goodness he won't drink soda or sugary fruit drinks. Please don't let it worry you too much (I know, easier said than done), he will start to grow out of it. My son started taking an interest in what mom & dad were eating and I would always encourage him to try it. I also always told him when he said he didn't like it that it was O.K. everyone's tastes are different. Right now his dinners are either, chicken fingers, chicken quesadillas, cereal, mac & cheese or grilled cheese. Breakfast is a large crescent roll that I get at Walmart or cereal. And believe it or not he has never eaten a school lunch since he started. I have always packed his lunch. It's not unusual for him to have the same thing for school lunch for 6 months or longer. I'm just happy he eats.
So fear not Mom, he's normal and growing fine. My son was at the Dr. last week for a well check and he's 5' 2" tall and weighs 81 lbs.

 

[ellakav]

oh and the dad thing i got that also i have no clue except he wasn't the stay at home parent so maybe that made the difference

I KNOW, huh? he's a great dad and all, but I am the one who does
all the work, cleans the messes, gets up in the night, diffuses mischief
and tantrums and all things 'terrible two', kisses owies and gives the
hugs and then daddy walks in and I literally CEASE to exist!
**sigh**. no respect.

as far as your first post, we don't cater to him. we try to take as
many meals as a family as we can, but sometimes (a lot of times, lately)
schedules don't permit it. he takes a lot of his meals separately
and I pretty much know that even if I wanted to keep trying to
get him to eat until I found something he liked, which I DON'T,
if he doesn't want to eat, he's just not going to do it. it's almost
like he's too busy. I'm not a pushover and the doctor says not to
browbeat him over it because it can cause worse issues later on,
but I still worry. what do I do, buy stock in PediaSure??

 

[kadesma]

I have two grandsons who are picky..The older one is my shadow and at 8 has finally gotten to the stage where he will try different things. He is opposed to anything with seeds and most fruits but will give them a bite. I have always told him take one bite, if you hate it there is the garbage can spit it out, BUT you need to pick something on your plate you love and eat it all. That works for my Cade.Now his younger brother Carson, I'd swear he is starving, but go to pick this 4 year old up and he is a load..With him if he thinks I'm going to offer something to his cousin Olivia who is 3 and will eat anything I put in front of her, He gobbles it up, if he sees me with something he wants to try it, so I cut everything kids size and let him see me chew, he's at my side right now and cleans the plate..He loves most fruit, pasta, small pieces of ham, chicken or pork, he tolerates beef. I never but never make a deal about food..when the kids are playing I set out a platter of fruits,cheese,carrots,celery and they know I have things to drink.It's put out I say here it is and then ignore things, but keep an eye on them..That platter is bare within a half hour.Kids will pull your chain if they think it's going to get a reaction..One of my boys use to hide his lunch under his bed then watch to see if I'd react.At first I did and thins stepped up. So I pretended I didn't know things were hidden and my DH "found" them. Bingo, it stopped.. Try not to give him what he is looking for, keep things handy, if he goes for it fine if not when he gets hungry he will eat, even if it's bananas for every meal for a week..just hide the ice cream,cookies candy or any treats you allow him, he won't starve, he is smarter than you know.
kadesma

 

[msmofet]

You can't look at what a child eats in a single day. Look at the month! You say he'll not eat much one day then chow down the next. That tells me he's gotten what he needs over those two days. Relax. Have healthy stuff out that he can help himself to when he's hungry. Fix dinner and if he wants to eat fine. If not, don't push but then don't make him something later. Looks like he's trying to figure out how he can get what he wants as well as being picky. Don't read too much into the "when I offer
him something he will flat out refuse it and then when Daddy gets home he will polish off the SAME THING for him" thing. It may just be a matter of when offered by you, he wasn't hungry but by the time Dad got home he was. If he knows he's pushing buttons with food, he'll continue to use that so you need to concentrate on keeping things relaxed and matter of fact. Don't let this turn into a power struggle because it can go there really fast! Bean pole is fine. As long as he is not anemic or stopped growing, the weight gain will come. My son was always thin and tall. Now at 20 he's still thin and tall but he eats well. That just may be the way your son is. I think we as a society have given every aspect of childrearing an underlying psychological component that makes us question everything we do as parents. Is the child happy and healthy? Then leave it alone.

i agree with everything you said but i didn't state it as well as you did. you are right about pushing the buttons and testing the boundries. my pedi said a child will not starve themselves when they are hungry they will eat. that being pick is their way to gain control sometimes. and so long as they are healthy they will go through these stages. the "start that trend and it never ends" was advise from the pedi and a give away mag in the office waiting room. my daughter is now also 20 tall and slim. she also eats a good variety of foods. the pedi also said like you said you can't cater to them ie cook seperate meals or extra meals for them.

 

[msmofet]

i would tell my girls it's ok if you don't like it but you have to try at least one bite. after a few times of one bite i would notice they were eating more than one bite till they ate almost all of whatever it was.

 

[expatgirl]

isn't it amazing the stuff they will make us lose sleep over........first it's whether they will eat their dinner and a few years down the road it's ..........well...you'll find out....... start stocking up on Excedrin Extra Strength now, though............we had a wonderful pediatrician who had been in practice a loooooooong time........here I am wailing that she's not eating anything at aged 2 and he looks at me and says......don't worry.......she's getting it from the air. and it provides a lot of important nutrients......this is what I needed to hear...........she was fat and chubby and in the 95% of her growth and weight chart, too.........

 

[GB]

My 4 year old used to the the best eater in the world, but lately has become very picky. We do not stress about it too much as she is healthy and gets what she needs. We make sure that she has enough of the things that she does like on hand so that we can feed her well. We do not give her much in the way of unhealthy snacks or sweets. Her snacks consist of things like fruit or yogurt or things like that.

Some tricks that have worked for us are:

Reverse psychology. When I make something that she refuses to try then I turn the tables on her. "Rachel I made these brussles sprouts for mommy and me. You are not allowed to have any. These are for the grownups only and I don't want you asking to try them". That almost always guarantees that she will be begging for some brussel sprouts in the next 5 seconds. And even if she just eats one and decides she really does not like it then at least she ate that one. At her body size, that aint bad.

We will do competitions. Who can eat their brussel sprouts the fastest. Lets have a race. This one does not work as well as the reverse psychology, but it does occasionally work.

This one works the best for us though. We name the food and make a game out of it. Brenda brussel sprout wants to go down into your belly. Next up is Billy brussel sprout and he missed Brenda and wants to see her. Bart brussel sprout can't be away from his brother Billy etc. Rachel loves this and will eat everything on her plate when we do this. It becomes tedious coming up with names when it is something small and plentiful like peas, but it works.

Try cooking things in a variety of ways. My mom used to steam brussel sprouts and I could not stand them. I now roast them at high heat and they have become one of my favorite foods.

Use dips. Kids love to dip things. Serve a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup on the side in a little dish that they can dip the sandwich into. Serve raw veggies with dressing on the side to dip. Serve healthy chicken strips with ranch dressing on the side to dip etc.

Talk to your child and try to find out what it is about the particular food it is that they do not like. My daughter all of a sudden stopped eating pizza. When we asked why she told us she did not like pizza sauce. We asked if it was made with pizza juice instead of pizza sauce would that matter and she said yes it would. The next time we got pizza we told her that it was made with pizza juice, not pizza sauce. She ate it up and loved it. Every time we get pizza now she asks if it has sauce or juice.
Along the same lines, when I was about her age I would not eat eggs. My mom asked what it was I did not like about them. I told her it was the color. She asked what color I wanted and I said green. My mom started making my eggs with green food coloring and I could not be happier, until she made the mistake of telling me that they taste the same and she was just using food coloring. I have not eaten eggs since that day

 

[msmofet]

My 4 year old used to the the best eater in the world, but lately has become very picky. We do not stress about it too much as she is healthy and gets what she needs. We make sure that she has enough of the things that she does like on hand so that we can feed her well. We do not give her much in the way of unhealthy snacks or sweets. Her snacks consist of things like fruit or yogurt or things like that.

Some tricks that have worked for us are:

Reverse psychology. When I make something that she refuses to try then I turn the tables on her. "Rachel I made these brussles sprouts for mommy and me. You are not allowed to have any. These are for the grownups only and I don't want you asking to try them". That almost always guarantees that she will be begging for some brussel sprouts in the next 5 seconds. And even if she just eats one and decides she really does not like it then at least she ate that one. At her body size, that aint bad.

We will do competitions. Who can eat their brussel sprouts the fastest. Lets have a race. This one does not work as well as the reverse psychology, but it does occasionally work.

This one works the best for us though. We name the food and make a game out of it. Brenda brussel sprout wants to go down into your belly. Next up is Billy brussel sprout and he missed Brenda and wants to see her. Bart brussel sprout can't be away from his brother Billy etc. Rachel loves this and will eat everything on her plate when we do this. It becomes tedious coming up with names when it is something small and plentiful like peas, but it works.

Try cooking things in a variety of ways. My mom used to steam brussel sprouts and I could not stand them. I now roast them at high heat and they have become one of my favorite foods.

Use dips. Kids love to dip things. Serve a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup on the side in a little dish that they can dip the sandwich into. Serve raw veggies with dressing on the side to dip. Serve healthy chicken strips with ranch dressing on the side to dip etc.

Talk to your child and try to find out what it is about the particular food it is that they do not like. My daughter all of a sudden stopped eating pizza. When we asked why she told us she did not like pizza sauce. We asked if it was made with pizza juice instead of pizza sauce would that matter and she said yes it would. The next time we got pizza we told her that it was made with pizza juice, not pizza sauce. She ate it up and loved it. Every time we get pizza now she asks if it has sauce or juice.
Along the same lines, when I was about her age I would not eat eggs. My mom asked what it was I did not like about them. I told her it was the color. She asked what color I wanted and I said green. My mom started making my eggs with green food coloring and I could not be happier, until she made the mistake of telling me that they taste the same and she was just using food coloring. I have not eaten eggs since that day

green eggs and ham? i stopped eating eggs for awhile when i was a kid because i got a piece of shell in scrambled eggs once. but i out grew it. my oldest girl hates cooked cabbage so i started shredding raw cabbage and tossing it with my homemade dressing. i think this way may be a bit more healthy than cooked.

 

[GB]

my oldest girl hates cooked cabbage so i started shredding raw cabbage and tossing it with my homemade dressing.

My daughter does not like cooked cabbage either. Last night she was not eating her veggies. All of a sudden she decided she didn't like corn (one of her favorites a few months ago). I went to the fridge and put some sauerkraut on my plate, but did not offer her any. Before I knew it she was asking for some and asking what it was. Next thing I know she is eating 3 helpings worth.

 

[msmofet]

My daughter does not like cooked cabbage either. Last night she was not eating her veggies. All of a sudden she decided she didn't like corn (one of her favorites a few months ago). I went to the fridge and put some sauerkraut on my plate, but did not offer her any. Before I knew it she was asking for some and asking what it was. Next thing I know she is eating 3 helpings worth.

good deal!! nice switch-a-roo!! but my girl won't eat saurerkraut either. she will eat Brussels sprouts sometimes, if i shred them and saute them with bacon. but she has to be in the mood for bacon which also isn't very often.

 

[Alix]

ellakav, welcome to parenthood!!! LOL. That one issue I am sure causes more lost sleep in the first few years of their lives than any other.

We are all going to say the same things, (easy to say, not so easy to do) which are basically he is just fine. He will eat all of what he needs over a period of days or even weeks. He sounds like his percentiles are just right. Jabbur said it best about his food intake. Little boogers just like to make us mental don't they?

I have one critically picky daughter who was in the 5th percentile for weight most of her life. She is perfectly healthy and fine, just skinny and picky.

Best advice I can give you is to not be too hardnosed around food. Put food out, and just relax. Make one or two hard and fast rules but then let the rest go. Our one rule was that you have to "taste" everything on the table except ONE item. You could categorically refuse that one item no questions asked, but then had to at least taste everything else. Worked really well here. Some sneaky person would always then have at least 2 veggie dishes on the table.

 

[msmofet]

ellakav, welcome to parenthood!!! LOL. That one issue I am sure causes more lost sleep in the first few years of their lives than any other.

We are all going to say the same things, (easy to say, not so easy to do) which are basically he is just fine. He will eat all of what he needs over a period of days or even weeks. He sounds like his percentiles are just right. Jabbur said it best about his food intake. Little boogers just like to make us mental don't they?

I have one critically picky daughter who was in the 5th percentile for weight most of her life. She is perfectly healthy and fine, just skinny and picky.

Best advice I can give you is to not be too hardnosed around food. Put food out, and just relax. Make one or two hard and fast rules but then let the rest go. Our one rule was that you have to "taste" everything on the table except ONE item. You could categorically refuse that one item no questions asked, but then had to at least taste everything else. Worked really well here. Some sneaky person would always then have at least 2 veggie dishes on the table.

good job i did the same thing. but i did the one bite of everything thing. i didn't get to many gripes. my little one liked almost everything from day one especially hot and spicey. at 9 months she stole a piece of cajun steak off my plate when i looked way. when i turned around she was sucking on it with a big grin!! and she still likes hot stuff.

 

[ellakav]

there's been a lot of great stuff in here. and it is common sense. I just
get worried and then I get frustrated, ya know? there are 4 kids in the
family, but the youngest is the only one we have full-time. a his, mine
and ours marriage! and I know he tries to work me. and yeah, he
sometimes wins. but look at the picture of him I posted! how can I
resist that little moosh?
seriously, though. he's the baby, but unmanageable and bratty kids
who run the show are intolerable to me, and I refuse to raise one.
I don't coax or cajole. I don't threaten or force, either because that
is what my parents did to me and as a result there are some things
that I can't even LOOK at to this day! I just give him 2 choices, if he
doesn't eat I go about my business. and then I obsess over it after
he's down for the night!! I know, pathetic, huh?

 

[Wyogal]

My mom finally figured out that I REALLY didn't like cream of wheat when I puked it up in my bowl at the table. I tried to go to the sink, then thought I could make it to the bathroom, then back to the sink... too late, ended up back at the table and threw up in the bowl.
ha! Must have been in jr. high or high school at the time.

 

[ellakav]

My mom finally figured out that I REALLY didn't like cream of wheat when I puked it up in my bowl at the table. I tried to go to the sink, then thought I could make it to the bathroom, then back to the sink... too late, ended up back at the table and threw up in the bowl.
ha! Must have been in jr. high or high school at the time.

it's lima beans, canned and frozen mixed vegetables and
peas for me!

 

[Alix]

ellakav, we are ALL like that. We all worry and obsess over what our kids do and don't eat. You are not alone. And it does get better, really it does. For yourself, make sure he has lots of healthy choices. For him, make sure theres fun stuff in there sometimes too. Hugs! We Moms have to stick together.