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Old 05-12-2012, 11:47 PM   #1
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Question for parents with adult children ...

How do you feel when your "children" (there has to be a better word for this in the English language, but I've yet to find it), decide to live apart from you. I don't mean across town, I mean across the country, maybe across the globe. I am the only one in my family who chose to travel and live in a place where my parents do not live.

The flip side of that, is deciding to live apart from your family. I did, and do, but it doesn't mean I don't love them.

It's all confusing sometimes.


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Old 05-13-2012, 01:09 AM   #2
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Happens all the time. Kids move far away.....as far as they can get away sometimes....to attend college. This is just one example.

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Old 05-13-2012, 04:38 AM   #3
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Positives & Negatives, Skype & Air Miles

Good Morning,

There is a positive and negative to all we encounter or choose to do. We love our home in Italia on the Adriatic, and we have worthwhile professional projects in the Madrid Capital in Spain.

My daughters who are also mothers ( almost 30 and almost 31 ) have been making their own decisions for a millennium, and we have never interfered with their adult choices. If they wish to confide in us, or only in me or their Dad, then, this is asking for advice or feedback or suggestions ... this is different.

I have one daughter in Zürich, Switzerland which is only 2.5 hours from Madrid; which is like flying from NYC to Miami Airport ... and then, my older daughter lives 6 months in Wellington, New Zealand and 6 months south of St. Augustine, Florida, USA.

Naia, the older of the two, and her husband and daughter ( to be 5 in December ) and son, to be two in December, always stop yearly enroute in Zürich, or in Italia and thus, we do our best to spend Christmas together.

AIRPLANES and frequent flyer miles is the key to success on the topic. EMAIL is marvelous, as SKYPE.

We are always globe trotting, as it is more expensive with children ... we are just us ...

Perhaps, understanding that the choices they are making are better for them ... this is another quintessential. We respect them as individuals to do as they see is good for them.

Have a nice Sunday.
Margaux Cintrano.
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Old 05-13-2012, 11:27 AM   #4
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I think the answer to your question, Claire, is as varied as there are people.

I left home at barely 18 to go to college and, truthfully, to get away from an abusive family situation. It was my way of protecting myself. I never came back home and am at peace with those decisions. I believe them to be right for me and the circumstances. I don't regret doing that for one minute.

Now...my children. For a long while they lived within 6 to 20 miles of us but, as they became more ambitious, they spread their wings and went greater distances.

At this time, I'm in Kentucky and my "baby chicks" are everywhere from Maryland, Georgia, California and more farther away places. They seem to be happy and are growing and thriving where they've planted themselves and that's how I think it should be. They're big people now and have their own lives.

Yes, I miss them, especially since I'm their only living parent but, as Margi already mentioned, we have wonderful communication tools such as the Internet and phone systems that allow us to "see" each other as often as we can.

Of course, I would (selfishly) like to have all of them visit on a regular basis, along with their families but I'm a realist and understand that that's not going to happen. My youngest son is expecting his fourth child in November and my oldest son will have six children by the end of September. It boggles my mind trying to conceive of traveling with those two circuses.

I do love it when they come to visit and Glenn and I make it a point to see them as often as possible. At least the ones in Georgia. They're only about an 8-hour drive from our house.

However, the real treat for us when any of them come to visit is that because it is infrequent, it makes the visit even more cherished and we all have the best time. I consider those times some of life's special "treats."

Now, as I've gotten older, I understand the wisdom of my maternal grandfather's words when my family came to visit him and my grandmother, "It's nice to see you come and it's nice to see you go."

When I was a young pooch, I thought those words so cruel. Not now. I fully understand what he was saying. On this side of 60, it IS nice to see a car full of energy-packed youngsters head down the driveway pointed toward THEIR house.

Papa knew what he was talking about. There were 5 children in my family, who came to visit at least once a summer. He had another daughter who had 11 children. Try to picture THAT visit!!! Whew! They came to visit my parents once and I think I'm still recovering from that trip. 16 children in one house. Another daughter also had 5. A third had 3. Papa and Maga had their hands full when their grandchildren came to visit.

That last comment got me. I've got to get some rest.
"As a girl I had zero interest in the stove." - Julia Child
This is real inspiration. Look what Julia became!
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Old 05-13-2012, 11:32 AM   #5
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Thank you for such a beautiful post and your feedback.

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Old 05-13-2012, 12:03 PM   #6
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SO's kids moved to Florida when they turned 18 and live there still. They and SO are still close. We spend time in Aruba with her daughter every year and are going Memorial Day weekend for granddaughter's graduation. Her son is a little different but he still cares.

Both my daughters are within 45 minutes. of my home.
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
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Old 05-13-2012, 12:18 PM   #7
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My Step-Children are all in careers they love and excel in. Two in Colorado and one in Oklahoma. We all have weekly conversations and see each other as often as possible. I am as proud of them as if I had been their biological mother.
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Old 05-13-2012, 12:55 PM   #8
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I have two grown sons who each live within 1/2 hr from me and always have.

Thankfully we've all loved where we were planted and have never seen a good reason to leave this area, other than to visit. The truth is however, that we don't actually see one another all that often, but we do touch down on the phone about once a week and I think we are well connected with lots of mutual love going on. Having them near means that if any one of us had an emergency we could be there in a flash, but other than that, it's really not that much different than having them far away in today's world.
I have a friend who followed her grown kids to another state only to find that her kids made lives of their own that didn't include her as she had expected.
What a sad and costly lesson for her to learn.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but rather by the moments that take our breath away.

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