Ruining your enjoyment ...

[Claire]

... of cooking? This one made me think, based on another line I was reading. Has there ever been an event, a person, a failure, an incident that made you wonder why you even bother to try? What helped you get over it and try, try, try again?

Actually, it doesn't have to be just cooking. How about something you wanted to try, or tried and someone stomped you? How did you overcome it?

 

[Claire]

I'll start with two Non-Cooking ones.

I have one friend who loved to play the piano. She was very good at it. Enough so that she was sent away to a special school ... where she was trashed. I knew her at the time, and she was not expecting to become a virtuoso concert pianist. She knew she'd have to make a living, and already had her sites set on a teaching (deaf education) career. But this instructor stomped on her desire to play for decades, even just for self-entertainment.

Another was an artist. Similar circumstances. Went to art school and was trashed. Now he has a good position, and in recent years tried again. We look at what he does, and realize he was just ahead of his time.

Both friends fell back on good, steady jobs, which, in the long run, they probably needed to do.

But, that said, why crush someone so far down that they stop trying entirely?

I have friends and sisters who just gave up on cooking because their husbands were fussy eaters. I mean REALLY fussy. A fussy eater spouse creates fussy eater children. Why bother?

People who squinch your creativity and talents to make themselves superior ... they are out there anyway, and you're vulnerable when you're young. The two friends I mentioned are enjoying their God-given talents now. A few of my sibs and friends who gave up on cooking when they were young (let's see, I should make red sauce from scratch when everyone wants Prego?), started enjoying it again when children left the nest or after widowhood or divorce.

 

[Addie]

My girlfriend in Atlanta has a daughter who has petite mal. And because of this, she isn't given a chance at employment. She is very smart and computer savy. She has a work ethic that every employer seeks. She loves getting up in the morning and heading out to work. She has done volunteer work in several fields, and for long periods of time. But when it comes to hiring her, even knowing how hard she works, they pass her up. So now she works for her mother. Unfortunately, there are only three people in the office. Her mother, grandfather and her. Sometimes her aunt comes in to work. She would shine working in the public sector. But no one will give her a chance.

 

[Aunt Bea]

Claire,

Your post made me think of my mother! She had some evil lines that we still laugh over when we get together. She did not mean any harm and could never understand why people got upset with her. (Picture Maggie Smith)

The first when asked about how she liked the Thanksgiving dinner prepared by my SIL. "It was nice, she tries"

The second was always a hit when we would send flowers on holidays and birthdays. "Your brother sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I have ever seen, and yours were nice too."

Finally when we would go to a big event as kids and we were fussing about our appearance for some reason, she would always say. "Don't worry dear nobody will be looking at you."

For me the enjoyment of formal entertaining was put to rest because people found it to be pretentious and intimidating. I enjoyed using all of the things that have been passed to me over the years and also "making an effort" with some time consuming recipes. I have no idea how to get over it so I just accept it and move on.

 

[Timothy]

For me the enjoyment of formal entertaining was put to rest because people found it to be pretentious and intimidating. I enjoyed using all of the things that have been passed to me over the years and also "making an effort" with some time consuming recipes. I have no idea how to get over it so I just accept it and move on.

I love formal dining, Aunt Bea! The more formal, the better for me! I love that everyone uses their best manners and everything is just *so*. I worked in a very formal restaurant as a teen, so I got used to what was supposed to be when eating in a formal atmosphere. One of my fantasies when young was living in a house with royalty, where everything was very formal and perfect. I would have loved it. Serving food on the best of dinnerware makes it look more yummy. It doesn't matter if it's meatloaf, (YUM), or an attempt to duplicate "Poulet Roti L'Ami Louis", when served on an elegant platter, displayed with an appropriate garnish in a formal atmosphere, it makes the dish twice as good as slapping it down on a cracked and faded platter on a bare table in the middle of a group of blue jeaned sweaty people.

Put me in an extreme formal dinner and I'm happy as can be.

 

[MostlyWater]

Whoa. People can be really hurtful.

 

[CWS4322]

People can be very hurtful. My dad wanted to be an artist. He showed promise. But believed one of the art instructors in college and hasn't touched a brush since. I was ridiculed in 10th grade by my Spanish teacher (he went on for 20 minutes) because I was taking German, Spanish at the high school and French and Latin at the local state college. After 20 minutes of being told only 1 in a million could study more than one language at a time, I ran out of the room. The entire class followed me. I dedicated my M.A. thesis to him--I vowed to prove him wrong and I did--although not proficient in all, I ended up studying a total of 12 languages, including Swahili, before I earned my M.A. I still remember how mortified I was and how frozen I was in my seat until one of the guys in the front row turned and looked at me. He rolled his eyes to the door and tilted his head. I ran, and he was the first one behind me (he was a track star, come to think of it). Many of those classmates are still my friends today--30 some years later. Next time I see those friends, I have to tell them how much it meant to me that they followed me out of the class.

 

[Claire]

Claire,

Your post made me think of my mother! She had some evil lines that we still laugh over when we get together. She did not mean any harm and could never understand why people got upset with her. (Picture Maggie Smith)

The first when asked about how she liked the Thanksgiving dinner prepared by my SIL. "It was nice, she tries"

The second was always a hit when we would send flowers on holidays and birthdays. "Your brother sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I have ever seen, and yours were nice too."

Finally when we would go to a big event as kids and we were fussing about our appearance for some reason, she would always say. "Don't worry dear nobody will be looking at you."

For me the enjoyment of formal entertaining was put to rest because people found it to be pretentious and intimidating. I enjoyed using all of the things that have been passed to me over the years and also "making an effort" with some time consuming recipes. I have no idea how to get over it so I just accept it and move on.

I don't know how to isolate a paragraph when quoting! But the formal dining ... I think Mom was embarrassed the first time she went to a formal dinner (there were a lot in the military in those days). As soon as we were truly old enough to learn, we were in Germany, and Mom found factory outlets all over the place and bought china and crystal. From then on, in winters, we did not get out of our church clothes after mass on Sunday, and used all the finery. Learned which fork, where everything went. So, yes, I do still appreciate a nicely set table. Luckily, I married a man with all the china, silver, and crystal I could desire and loves to set a beautiful table. So several times a year, we do it. Our little neighbor girl had never seen it before and was delighted. D'ya know how he learned? His mom had been a maid when she was young, and like mine, had said, no kid of mine is going out in the world without knowing these basics and feeling comfortable with them.

One day I was going with Mom to her beloved yard sales. "Mommy, why are you buying all this cheap stem-ware, you've got all you need?" "My grandchildren are drinking out of sippy cups and kiddy cups and need to learn this! But not on my good German crystal!"

 

[Claire]

My father-in-law was his class valedictorian in a prestigious school. But his father didn't believe in education. He did wind up as a chemist with GAF, but bemoaned not having a college education. His father told him, more or less, he was lucky to be allowed to finish high school.

So he was determined his son would go to college. My husband had summer jobs before he was at legal age to add to what his parents could afford so he could go to a prep high school where he'd get the attention he'd need to get into college.

The downside, and that's where the squashing comes in, is that since he was born late in his parents' lives, his father had no patience for teaching him anything handy at all. If he was doing something in the shop and hubby wanted to learn it was a sort of get out of my way, you're no good at this. To this day I can tell he feels that lack of paternal support in many ways. He's hopeless in home improvement in every way, and has no patience for it, but still for decades he kept feeling he should be good at it. Why? Well, if so-and-so can do it, why can't I? That person excelled in shop in high school, and had a father who prided himself in teaching his son hands-on work.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

I've been thinking and thinking on this topic. I have had people TRY to squash me, but they have failed. It just makes me mad and prove to them I can. My parents allowed us and encouraged us to excel in anything we wanted and they gave us the support and, if they had it, the money needed to do just that.

My best friend was squashed daily by her parents, it was such a relief for her to come to my house for a visit and be applauded in all she endeavored. She lives less than 20 miles from Mom & Dad and she still visits weekly.

 

[Addie]

One year it was my turn to have Thanksgiving at my house. I didn't have the very best, but everything I did have was nice and matched. And I did have a service of eight for a nice formal meal. I set the table with my crystal and color matching china. There were candles and a lovely centerpiece of small pumpkins, acorns and other holiday items. The table looked beautiful. When my daughter and her family walked in, the stood there just staring. Her children had made other plans to go elsewhere as soon as they could get out of my house. They changed their plans in a hurry. And my son-in-law told me that having dinner at my home that year was like going to a country B&B for a special dinner. He is not one to give compliments freely. My daughter kept taking pictures of the table and every one at it. Cloth napkins? They didn't want to dirty them. Ask me if there were any paper ones. "No, you don't use paper napkins at a nicely set table. Don't worry, I can wash them"

I always set the table for family meals when the children were growing up. And I INSISTED on the kids using their manner all the time at the table. A loaf of bread didn't get tossed on the table. I took slices out and placed them on a dish wrapped in a napkin. Something my kids do to this day.

My youngest who is in the medical field, attends many formal dinners with his wife. Fortunately I gave him a good start in life with manners at the table and how to dress for eating. He called me one day and thanked me. And his wife who comes from Albania has called me and ask for advice on how to address some of the guests she was going to meet at a dinner the following night. Little things like keeping your hands in your lap when you are being served. Waiting for the host to start eating first. How to tell which eating implement to use. These were things she didn't know. She is still learning. And she is a willing student. She speaks five languages fluently. And that is in her favor. They have dinner with many foreign doctors and she is able to speak in their language. I absolutely adore. Couldn't ask for a better daughter-in-law.