Step Off The Back Porch, I Need Advice

[Just Cooking]

Well done, K-girl...
I was in dental sales and management for many years and my first wife was a dental office manager for many years..
Problems were frequently found to be in-house..

Ross

 

[CWS4322]

This may sound odd, but here it goes...

For most of the years that my husband and I have been married, I take care of all comings and goings in regards to our health care. ie, if someone needs to deal with an insurance company or a billing office, I do it.

Over the past few years, DH does not do well with even hearing about the heights and depths I've traversed. It has become worse since we've moved to the "mainland". All of our insurance plans: medical, dental, vision and drug, are from Hawaii, not here on the mainland at all.

Dealing with the healthcare providers here on the mainland has been, well let's just say MORE than a challenge, but I've managed to get things done and taken care of.

I have hit a LARGE stumbling block and I'm not sure what to say at this point.
Here's the back story in a nutshell:

Our new dentist's office manager said to me that services that are not being paid for by the insurance company (that they participate with btw) and that the patient is neither responsible for, Doctor will no longer preform for free and therefore this will lead to further, painful procedures, ie. Root Canals.
(I'm guessing you figured out that I'm BEYOND agree.)

SO...

I figure I call her back and say, fine, we'll pay for the "extra charges" out of pocket, BUT, I don't want her or Doctor to discuss this with my husband... He would, um, not take kindly to this circumstance.

How do I say, nicely, please don't talk about this with my husband?


Not sure how to say, can you please just keep this between us...
HELP?!

I would never recommend keeping that kind of information from a partner and I would never enlist s/one else to keep that information from my partner (not that I have one anymore, but, if he were still in my life). You are in this together, so you should be able to discuss / tell him about this change re: insurance since you moved to the mainland. If you can't, well, um, hmm, you might need to work on your communication skills and trust issues.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Heh, thanks guys for the kudos!

DH has another appointment this morning, we'll see that goes...

 

[Addie]

I don't think the OM will forget her error or the dressing down she got from her boss. I feel that your total secret is safe.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Ya know Addie it's not that I want to keep any of this a secret from DH, but he doesn't understand, doesn't care, has no patience for nor tolerance, and point blank has told me in the past- "...just don't tell me about this stuff, I just get too frustrated, you're much better equipped to deal all this crap",
so there's that.
Today the dentist was explaining something or another, procedure wise, and I could see his eyes glaze over! (Which is why now I go in with him. He's not listening!!!)
I take care of all of the dental-medical-vision-drug concerns. It's not that I'm deliberately shielding him, he just tunes out and asks me as we leave the office, "Did you understand what the hell they were saying?"
YUP, that's my job (and as I mentioned earlier in the thread, I worked in the field, so I know a thing or two )
As we loving say in our marrage:
I'm the COO, Chief Operations Officer
DH is the CFO, Chief Financial Officer (he's a whiz at numbers and investments, all that, I'm not )
It's kinda like a YING/YANG sort of thing, we compliment each other.
He has his expertise and I mine :shrug:

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Dental Office Manager Update

DH had another dental appointment this morning, and dontcha know, Miss Office Manager was manning the front desk when we walked in but promptly scurried off to the back and sent one of dental assistants upfront

 

[Addie]

Ya know Addie it's not that I want to keep any of this a secret from DH, but he doesn't understand, doesn't care, has no patience for nor tolerance, and point blank has told me in the past- "...just don't tell me about this stuff, I just get too frustrated, you're much better equipped to deal all this crap",
so there's that.
Today the dentist was explaining something or another, procedure wise, and I could see his eyes glaze over! (Which is why now I go in with him. He's not listening!!!)
I take care of all of the dental-medical-vision-drug concerns. It's not that I'm deliberately shielding him, he just tunes out and asks me as we leave the office, "Did you understand what the hell they were saying?"
YUP, that's my job (and as I mentioned earlier in the thread, I worked in the field, so I know a thing or two )
As we loving say in our marrage:
I'm the COO, Chief Operations Officer
DH is the CFO, Chief Financial Officer (he's a whiz at numbers and investments, all that, I'm not )
It's kinda like a YING/YANG sort of thing, we compliment each other.
He has his expertise and I mine :shrug:

You know Kgirl, my first husband was like that. He worked 12 hours a day standing on his feet in a hot restaurant kitchen. When he came home he just wanted quiet. What grade was the youngest in? He had no idea. Did he remember any of the birthdays of the kids? Not a clue. His job was to support the family, my job was to take care of the family. At the end of the week he could drop his paycheck on the kitchen table, I would take it to the bank, sign it and hand it to the teller. When he was going to take a shower, he didn't even know what drawer his clean clothes were in. So I laid them out for him.

Like you and DH, our system worked for us. Every married couple finds the system that works for them. It is what keep the marriage going for so many years. He had the responsibility of ordering food items for the restaurant. What I spent for groceries in the home, he simply didn't care. The one thing he did love was baseball. So whenever he had a day off and the Red Sox were playing at home, he would take one of the boys to Fenway Park to see a game. And if it was a doubleheader, the both of them were in their glory. It was his part of giving the kids some happy memories. Something I expected of him.

Unfortunately, my marriage ended in death. We were married for only 12 years. But it was 12 years of working together to keep the family functioning and together.