Subtle insults to your cooking

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corazon

Executive Chef
Joined
Jun 24, 2005
Messages
3,859
Location
Native New Mexican, now live in Bellingham, WA
I make an elaborate meal. I put so much time and effort into it, only to get compliments on how good the bacon is or how the biscuits out of a tube taste so great.

Tonight my beef stroganoff (made from scratch) was compared to a powdered package version of beef stroganoff (powder+water+sour cream+beef = schlock)

I'm happy getting suggestions on how to improve a meal but I find these comments a little offensive.
Does anyone else get those kind of subtle insults?
I probably read to much into it but it's something I've been thinking about lately and wanted to hear thoughts from all of you.
 
I made Greek meatballs one time - my EX BIL asked if anyone knew any swamps that needed to be drained :LOL::LOL: But that wasn't so subtle! LOL They were so dry we couldn't even eat them!

So, did this person like your beef stroganoff? Maybe the boxed version is remembered as real comfort food and yours was also VERY good?
 
I get much worse insults on the concotions from the kitchen I've produced. I don't think they're meant to be offensive. People are telling you what they like that you've made and giving you tips on perhaps what to improve upon.
 
As a chef in a 1/2 and 1/2 country club I went out every night and ask how was your dinner. Activley asking if they liked it or not and how would you like it changed?? and so on. I was better enabled to cook to there taste and comfort level. I stayed there for 6 years 1/2 &1/2 half Jewish and half Goyem
 
Is it possible they don't have any other perspective than the packaged foods they're comparing it to? Only you know that answer, but I hope it's their limited scope and not an intention to hurt your feelings. Is this person a better cook than you are?

Sometimes you gotta consider the source or just come right out and ask them if you misunderstood. I can be pretty direct if need be, which is uncomfortable for some but not as uncomfortable as feeling the way you are feeling right now.

I would love to try your beef stroganoff!
 
I'm really sorry, corazon. It's obvious how much love you put into preparing meals so the comments must really hurt. Is this a family member or a friend? If it's a friend, maybe they were subconsciously a little jealous because your dish was awesome? Or because they don't invest that much time in making the same dish and they were being defensive? In any case, you filled their plates with a lot of love and that is wonderful!
 
Your story reminds me of eating spaghetti at home as a kid. On spaghetti days, my mom used to start the sauce effort around mid-day, and simmer it, with constant stirring, until suppertime.

One meal time, I noticed that the sauce tasted a little different and thought Mother had just adjusted the seasoning. My dad, though, all but flipped over the meal and made some remark that we should have spaghetti more often. Mother just smiled, nodded, and moved on.

Later, I found out that Mother had had a coupon for a free jar of store-bought sauce, and used it. We never had home-made sauce again.

I have found that the more effort I put into a meal, the less likelyhood there is that everyone will like it. The meal's reviewers include my "meat & taters" wife and two elementary school boys.

New flavors are just about always a bust. I once tried adding something other than salt, pepper, butter, and milk to the mashed taters, and was all but booed off the stage.

So, when I decide to try something new, or something with flavor, I always make sure that everyone has a favorite side dish with which to fill up on when the dish of effort does its lead balloon imitation. Everyone is, however, required to try a bite of the flavor de jour.

Tom
 
This is a glass half full or glass half empty situation. You could either look at it like they are insulting you by comparing your cooking to lousy (by your standards) food, or you could look at it like they are comparing it to food that they enjoy. Go with the latter.
 
If all they can do is compare it to a boxed dish, don't be insulted. Feel sympathy for them. The box is all they know so it becomes the frame of reference.

Often, people decide something is really good based on how much it tastes like what their moms made. Until you know how good the original was, you can't tell if they are saying it's great or awful.

I'd guess your stroganoff was excellent. I know the box stuff is not. (Don't ask me how I know)
 
I hear ya Corazon, when I make a good dinner (to me), and DH when asked says -Not bad ! :bash: Lol, but when something isn't that great, its ok. Guess I just want them to love all my meals - without negative feed back. :ROFLMAO:
 
the only one I tend to get regularly is "Which half of Tipton are you feeding Today?"
(Tipton is my home town)

I always tend to cook for an Army (not surprising), and now there`s only 2.5 of us, Old habits die hard!
 
hmmm, yeh. I made a perfect by the Russian cookbook recipe of Beef Stroganoff with tenderloin of beef and several mushroom types and butter brandy mustard sourcream etc...all the items. Served with beautiful parsleyed potatoes and baby beets with dill. What a dinner! Well, I heard my "MIL" say she didn't get any meat in her serving. It's true she got no undercooked stew beef in her serving and didn't recognize what she had.

I come from a family that cooked with the kids so we were exposed to new foods and helped make them and accepted them. THe change from "minute rice" to real rice or boxed mac and cheese to real mac and cheese went without issue because we were involved. Often color is an issue. Or a real texture.

There are some people I don't invite over for dinner but only for buffet parties because of what they will or won't eat. so be it.
 
I feel for you Corazon! I think anyone who puts enough care into their cooking would be sensitive to any comments, bad or good. Myself, fortunately, I don't recall insulting or even mildly catty comments, at least not within earshot.

Once I asked my 15-yr old niece how she liked a dish I made, and she answered matter-of-factly that it didn't seem as tasty as my mom's (her grandma) when she realized what she just said, so she quickly added other things to compensate but ended up saying the wrong things making matters worse. So I watched her squirming and struggling for words to dig herself out of the hole until her voice just trailed off. I was laughing so hard afterwards. She was so sweet.
 
LOL, I can picture it :)

as I tend to be my Own worst critic anyway, no one gets a chance to make insults, I find a flaw a good 50% of the time that no one else ever seems to notice, but I DO!
 
We had a mutual friend in our group of ladies and I never ever heard Susie enjoying any dish she ever ate at a restaurant. There was always some complaint and lots of sending back to the kitchen. Therefore when she criticized my seafood gumbo that had won first place and judged by Cajuns I just totally ignored her. So did everyone else! Ha!
 
Sorry, corazon, about your meal. You did a superb job and it wasn't appreciated. It wasn't appreciated because the person didn't have an understanding of quality cooking. It was their loss. Hold your head high and know you prepared a first class dish!!!!
 
When I was a smalltown kid just starting out in cooking I would often try to match the storebought packaged mixes!:ROFLMAO: I didn't know any better! There was a stroganoff mix I particularly liked, so I set out trying to recreate it. Each time I'd make it I got a bit closer. Of course, eventually I realized I was barking up the wrong tree- mine was far better than any mix.

Your non-foodie friends are probably coming from the same spot. They're probably so used to mixes and packaged food that they have no taste for anything else. I wouldn't be offended. They probably actually mean it as a compliment.

In their ignorant way!:pig::devilish::brows:
 
I used to give my neighbour pickles and preserves periodically. One day she told me not to bring any more. I was more than a little insulted.

Mel
 
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