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Old 10-09-2013, 03:37 PM   #81
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Originally Posted by CatPat View Post
....The classmates did not help to clean it. They just pointed at Joy and laughed and walked away of me. I suppose I did look stupid standing at Joy and crying....
Just remember you WEREN'T stupid, you were hurt. I'm going to give you some really tough advice here, but it is something that has served me well for decades. You need to decide that, no matter what others say or how they treat you that makes you feel bad, you remind yourself that you are better than that. Let that be your thought the next time someone does something that makes you feel bad. Rather than show the reaction that others are hoping for from you, show them how strong and mature of a person you are. But if they escalate their behavior to try and get a bigger reaction do be sure to let someone in authority know immediately - like your college advisor or the campus police.

Years ago it was OK to tease a little and it was OK. Now anything is called bullying - I think by doing that it's only encouraged people who will tease to up the ante and go for more shock value, not help the issue. I've never been the smartest, or prettiest, or most popular one in the room, so over the years I've been teased...a little. I've never let that make me feel that that I was just as good as others, just good in my own way. It's at that point you have to decide whether you chose to be strong or to be the victim. You came to a strange land to help your aging aunt and to get a good education so that you can be a successful person throughout your life. No way you can be a victim - be strong!
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:42 PM   #82
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Just remember you WEREN'T stupid, you were hurt. I'm going to give you some really tough advice here, but it is something that has served me well for decades. You need to decide that, no matter what others say or how they treat you that makes you feel bad, you remind yourself that you are better than that. Let that be your thought the next time someone does something that makes you feel bad. Rather than show the reaction that others are hoping for from you, show them how strong and mature of a person you are. But if they escalate their behavior to try and get a bigger reaction do be sure to let someone in authority know immediately - like your college advisor or the campus police.

Years ago it was OK to tease a little and it was OK. Now anything is called bullying - I think by doing that it's only encouraged people who will tease to up the ante and go for more shock value, not help the issue. I've never been the smartest, or prettiest, or most popular one in the room, so over the years I've been teased...a little. I've never let that make me feel that that I was just as good as others, just good in my own way. It's at that point you have to decide whether you chose to be strong or to be the victim. You came to a strange land to help your aging aunt and to get a good education so that you can be a successful person throughout your life. No way you can be a victim - be strong!
Yes! +1
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:45 PM   #83
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CG is right Cat. Never let yourself be the victim. By giving others the reaction they want, you then have chosen to be the victim. If you must share or show your reaction, then come here. That is what we have the "Vent" thread for. Be strong and don't give others the reaction they want. Sooner or later they will find someone else to pick on.
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:49 PM   #84
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Well, American humor is much different. I am sure Russian humor would be different from yours too. I've been here in the states for 23 years; still do not understand what is funny about pie in the face. Or toilet paper around a tree. Makes absolutely no sense to me how it could be even remotely funny. BTW, how long have you been in America, Cat?
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:50 PM   #85
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Cat has no need to change. She is a delightful person. Her sense of humor is right on and she shouldn't have to fit in anywhere if it is not her nature to do so. She recognizes that she has a lot of responsibility and she lives up to it. What was done to her car is pure bullying. And in this country that is not a good thing.

It doesn't matter where her traits come from. Only in how you raised her. Both you and your husband have done a wonderful job with Cat. Her days for laughter and fun will come. It is just not going to be the todays of now. You and your husband are very fortunate in having such a remarkable daughter. And we here at DC are so fortunate in getting to know such a delightful person.

A lot of our colleges have older people in their 30's and older who have returned to finish obtaining their degree. Would the Dean suggest that they too go out with other students on drinking binges and playing stupid jokes on other people? The Dean is an idiot who fails to understand what her duties are. She has a duty to protect Cat as well as other students.
It's certainly no wonder Cat likes you so much, and so do I. She is very angry with me for disclosing the phone call. Thank you for your understanding. I have read the posts and the threads and I see how so many of you like her, support her, help her, and understand her wicked sense of humor.

You speak to me as a mother. I'll speak to you as a mother as well. When we signed the paperwork to adopt Cat, we vowed to raise her so that she would be an asset to her world instead of a burden of it. We tried to have children, but it wasn't meant to be. But I believe we have a wonderful daughter. God gave her to us. We are very proud of her!

I am also proud of her on this website. She does make some mistakes, but all of you are very forgiving. That toilet paper question nearly made me choke! Do you remember this? Heavens!

We do not believe she needs counseling. Cat has a unique situation, which makes all of this the more frustrating. Cat is angry now, but she will calm down. We think this is bullying, since her classmates did not offer to help her wash the car. I have seen my daughter shamed for being adopted here, and I understand all too well how this is shameful to her.

I thank you very much for your kind words, Addie. Cat talks about you often. She loves you people here. She looks to this website as her socialization, while being available to help her DA. Right now she is angry with me, but she will get over this.

You and the others are her friends, and I thought it was best to tell you of the phone call. I am very glad all of you have welcomed her to yourselves as you have. God bless you, Addie, and God bless all of you for being so kind to my little Cat.

MammaCat
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:51 PM   #86
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I can understand that. But would you bring it into the shop to have it fixed? A man would. He would be willing to spend the money. A woman is more practical. Is the ding bad enough that the paint has been removed and leaving room for rust to set in? A woman would think of that. A man would only want to get "his car" back to looking new. A woman is more concerned with keeping the inside clean. A man wants to wash his car every weekend.
Hmm, honestly can't say how long ago it's been since Himself washed a car. He would go through the carwash at the gas station every once in a while since it was $2 with 8 gallons or more. But that was at least two years ago. You might be talking about our neighbor Steve though...washes his truck AND her car every weekend no matter the weather most times. 40 with flurries in the air? No problem!

Neither of us have been overly concerned with how our cars looked. The interior when we go on vacation? Of course, since we spend probably 10-12 hours each day in the rolling room. BUT we've both been exceedingly attentive to making sure the mechanics are completely cared for and humming along. Must be why all our cars make it well over 100,000 miles.
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:52 PM   #87
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Well, American humor is much different. I am sure Russian humor would be different from yours too. I've been here in the states for 23 years; still do not understand what is funny about pie in the face. Or toilet paper around a tree. Makes absolutely no sense to me how it could be even remotely funny. BTW, how long have you been in America, Cat?
I am with you Charlie. And I have an excellent sense of humor. I think of it as a waste of good toilet paper and food that a hungry person would love to have.

A good question for Cat. One none of us thought to ask.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:18 PM   #88
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It's certainly no wonder Cat likes you so much, and so do I. She is very angry with me for disclosing the phone call. Thank you for your understanding. I have read the posts and the threads and I see how so many of you like her, support her, help her, and understand her wicked sense of humor.

You speak to me as a mother. I'll speak to you as a mother as well. When we signed the paperwork to adopt Cat, we vowed to raise her so that she would be an asset to her world instead of a burden of it. We tried to have children, but it wasn't meant to be. But I believe we have a wonderful daughter. God gave her to us. We are very proud of her!

I am also proud of her on this website. She does make some mistakes, but all of you are very forgiving. That toilet paper question nearly made me choke! Do you remember this? Heavens!

We do not believe she needs counseling. Cat has a unique situation, which makes all of this the more frustrating. Cat is angry now, but she will calm down. We think this is bullying, since her classmates did not offer to help her wash the car. I have seen my daughter shamed for being adopted here, and I understand all too well how this is shameful to her.

I thank you very much for your kind words, Addie. Cat talks about you often. She loves you people here. She looks to this website as her socialization, while being available to help her DA. Right now she is angry with me, but she will get over this.

You and the others are her friends, and I thought it was best to tell you of the phone call. I am very glad all of you have welcomed her to yourselves as you have. God bless you, Addie, and God bless all of you for being so kind to my little Cat.

MammaCat
There is no shame in adoption in this country. It is looked upon as a blessing for the parents as well as the child. Adopted children are special because they were chosen. As we natural mothers didn't have that choice. We got what we were given. And we have to keep them. You will often hear a mother say that a child was an accident. Meaning that the couple was not planning on having another child. I think it is a bad choice of words. No child should ever have to think they are not wanted. Because every child is wanted by someone. Even if it is not their natural parents. Such as Cat has been. She was wanted and loved by you and your husband. She was a "chosen child".

We love Cat. And she will always have a place in our hearts. And she will calm down. She can vent here and we will listen. And you were right in telling us about the phone call. We have taken her under our wing. And if there is any time she needs us, we are here for her. She is young and has a lot to learn. I have a theory, that by the time a child reaches 25, all of a sudden they become smart and realize that their parents knew what they were talking about all along. That is when a friendship between child and parents can occur.
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:46 PM   #89
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There is no shame in adoption in this country. It is looked upon as a blessing for the parents as well as the child. Adopted children are special because they were chosen. As we natural mothers didn't have that choice. We got what we were given. And we have to keep them. You will often hear a mother say that a child was an accident. Meaning that the couple was not planning on having another child. I think it is a bad choice of words. No child should ever have to think they are not wanted. Because every child is wanted by someone. Even if it is not their natural parents. Such as Cat has been. She was wanted and loved by you and your husband. She was a "chosen child".

We love Cat. And she will always have a place in our hearts. And she will calm down. She can vent here and we will listen. And you were right in telling us about the phone call. We have taken her under our wing. And if there is any time she needs us, we are here for her. She is young and has a lot to learn. I have a theory, that by the time a child reaches 25, all of a sudden they become smart and realize that their parents knew what they were talking about all along. That is when a friendship between child and parents can occur.
Addie, again, there is no wonder Cat does, in her way, love you and all the others here. I also feel affection for you and others here.

Her Papa and I made a very bad mistake with Cat. When she was older, I think 10 years old, she asked us about her adoption and why. We told her she was found in a trash can, taken to the hospital, and there she was found by me and we adopted her.

She listened solemnly as is her way, then she said nothing, but just hugged me. Then, she left to go to her room and said, "I am sorry you had to pick babies from a trash can. But it is right, Mamma. I know I am just trash."

This broke my heart. We explained to her that she wasn't any trash, and that someone had put her there. It took us a long time to convince her that we wanted her.

Her two cousins, my brother Nicu's daughters, were both sent to take care of DA (as is her nickname here) and both failed. Neither one of them took the responsibility; instead, they were social butterflies and both flunked out of the same university Cat is in. DA shipped them both back here quickly.

When we approached Cat about coming there, she agreed to do it. But as she was to board the plane in Bucharest, she said she knew she was a utility child. That is a derogatory Romanian term for a child who is born for a particular reason, such as taking care of elders, or for prostitution to earn money for the family. This stunned us. And there was no time for an explanation; she was leaving and that was it.

We have convinced her she is not a utility child. She is taking her responsibilities extremely well, we think. I appreciate you, Addie, and all the others who have taken her under your wings. You all have been so kind and helpful to her and to me.

You are right, Addie. She is young and she has much to learn. I am very glad she has found this cooking forum.

I have tried to call her, but she is not answering. I think she is still upset. I will try again.

MammaCat
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:38 PM   #90
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I will have a private chat with her about this "utility child" thinking. She needs to know that she has been given the "privilege" of taken care of an elderly person because she can be trusted to do the job right. I would be very happy to have her care for me any day. I am 74 and the mother of five kids. So I think I have enough experience to know how she is feeling. Don't worry. She will calm down and will answer the phone.
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